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Crooked Road

by Mrs. Chicken on February 7, 2010

I’m sitting at the Opryland Hotel and Resort in Nashville.

It’s Sunday, and everything is closed. All the bloggers have gone home. My new friend is in an airport in Ohio. The lovely ladies who ferried me here by car should be more than halfway back to Chambana now.

I am sitting at a metal table, one eye on my anemic laptop battery and one on the clock. In a few hours a driver will call me and I will gather my luggage for a trip to the airport.

From there I will get on a jet-plane and land at LAX around 8 p.m. California time. Tomorrow, at 8:45 a.m., I’ll get prepped for an appearance on a national talk show prompted by something I wrote about something that someone else wrote. [click to continue…]

{ 18 comments }

Imposter

by Mrs. Chicken on February 3, 2010

In about 11 hours I’ll be on the road to Nashville.

I’d planned to come back home to Chambana the same way I left: In the car, with two of my pals. Instead, sometime on Sunday I’ll board a plane for Los Angeles.

A little ditty I wrote up over here in about 30 minutes last week caught the attention of some TV talk-show producers and they looked me up.

Today I spent a half-hour answering questions fired at me from an assistant producer for the Dr. Phil Show while I had my toes painted for Blissdom. Before we hung up, I took a deep breath and asked:

“OK, so here’s the deal,” I said. “I need to know if I’m coming out there or not. I need to pack and I need to arrange child care.”

He told me to pack as if I was going to LA — like a “good Girl Scout” — and he’d get back to me. Fifteen minutes later, he called back.

Sunday, I’ll land at LAX and make my way to an as-yet-decided-on hotel and my mom will meet me out there. The next day, we’ll be backstage. And then, I will be on stage.

To say I am freaking out is to say that Madonna has had a little work done on her face. I am FREAKING RIGHT THE FUCK OUT, PEOPLE.

And I can’t even think about that, because tonight I am too busy feeling tremendously sad that I am going to be away from my babies for five days. I’ve never been away from Henry at all, and only overnight from the girl.

It is so ridiculous — even as I shopped for a dress today, I felt like an imposter as the words came out of my mouth:

Why are you shopping today? How can we help you?

Ummm, I need something to wear on Dr. Phil?

Ludicrous! I don’t know how this happened to me. All I know is that it happened really, really fast. I just hope I don’t get whiplash.

{ 21 comments }

OMG! Like, Squeee!

January 29, 2010

I’ve been at this whole blogging thing for a long time now.
I hit “publish” for the first time in 2006, back when the blogosphere was still pretty small — at least as far as moms go. It felt like a little neighborhood designed just for me: interesting, funny women who were dealing with some of [...]

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Engine Engine No. 9

January 23, 2010

I’ve been the caboose ever since the August afternoon I submitted my resignation from my job as a marketing manager at a well-known international company.
It was a job I took five years prior for a host of reasons, none of which matter now. The bottom line is that I believed my writing career had come [...]

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She Wants To Be A Writer

January 17, 2010

She let me dry her hair tonight.
Usually, we let it air-dry after her bath. By the time she gets out and gets dressed, we’re tired. Ready for the day to melt into evening. But in the mornings we all pay the price when she screams as the brush makes its halting way through her tresses.
Today [...]

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Month 17

January 7, 2010

He is so perfect right now, sweet and ripe like a berry on the vine. I want to pluck him and stash him in my freezer, to preserve his freshness just as he is today. My Babyman, at month 17.

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The Year Of Living Dangerously

January 1, 2010

I never keep my resolutions.
Last year I vowed to be more organized and to shower every day. My life is more chaotic than ever and if you want to know about my personal hygiene, just take a whiff of my armpits.
So am I making any resolutions in 2010? No, no I am not.
In 2010, I [...]

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From Me to You

December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas, my friends. And to all a good night.

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All I Want For Christmas

December 20, 2009

Dear Santa,
You have to admit that I’ve been a very good girl this year, or at least for the past six months.
I worked very, very hard at getting my shit together during the latter half of 2009, and I feel I should be rewarded for all my efforts.
This year for Christmas, I would very much [...]

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Red-nosed Reindeer Girl

December 10, 2009
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