I was knee-deep in Curious George Goes To The Library when my phone rang late yesterday afternoon.
“Hello?” I answered, not recognizing the number from the caller ID.
“Mrs. Chicken?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“This is That Mom From Preschool.”
Yup. That mom. The one that Salty Jill aptly – if a tad obscenely – called “the C word.” The woman who called The Poo a petulant tattletale to my very angry and surprised face on Tuesday morning.
To back-track just a bit, I shared the whole sordid tale with Mr. C later that evening, and he agreed that I should discuss the incident again, and in a more rational frame of mind, with The Poo’s teacher.
So yesterday I called the school and shared my concerns about an authority figure who drops unsolicited, negative assessments of the children in the class to their parents.
“If she uses words like that about my daughter to me,” I said, “what does she say to my child?”
Besides which, I added, the children are just two years old and slapping them with labels indicating willful adult behaviors is wholly inappropriate.
After she asked me to define petulant (oh, lordy), the teacher revealed that this woman has been the source of friction between several other parents. She added that she would talk to the woman.
I hung up feeling much better about the situation. And happy that I had the chance to – ahem – share my assessment of her faults with the teacher.
So when I heard her voice on the line, you could have knocked me over with a feather.
That Mom went on to apologize, and said, “I realized I must have deeply offended you.”
“Yes,” I said. “I was not looking for a character assessment from you. And as a writer, I understand language, and I understand very clearly what you were trying to convey when you used the word ‘petulant.’”
What? I’m supposed to be nice to this bitch? Cut me some slack. She attacked my kid.
So she went on to ask if it would have been better if she called The Poo “moody,” and that her assessment was based on her own personal interaction with my girl.
Um, what the hell? Is this an apology?
When I asked her why she was so put off by my child, she replied that she watched The Poo interact with her son one morning.
“And she said he hit her, and he didn’t,” she confessed.
Ah.
“Well,” I said, slowly. “She makes up stories sometimes. She often tells me she cries after I leave, and I know that isn’t true. She’s testing truth and imagination. She is, after all, only two.”
So she apologized again, and told me how smart and charming The Poo is, and thanked me for accepting her apology.
After we hung up, I looked at my daughter sitting in a box of hand-me-down clothes from my sister, holding a cup of juice and “reading” her book.
You know, this parenting thing? It is really freaking hard sometimes.
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Man, that woman has some serious issues!
Dude, they’re two. That woman needs a reality check. Two year olds act like two year olds, which from what I hear, they’re being more grown up than she ever will be.
This reminds me of a movie I saw recently – “Fearless” – some chop-socky movie that I didn’t expect to be any good because it was in the bargain bin of the local DVD store, and I couldn’t ignore it.
Some students of a Karate (or whatever it was they did) master claimed another master had beat one of them up.
Cutting a long story short, nearly everybody ends up dead – and their families.
In the aftermath, the students admit that they were not attacked at all.
Perhaps I really do learn things from crappy movies after all
Oh, Mrs. C., you said it. And it’s only the beginning. In many ways, it’s just gonna get harder.
What a downer am I!
Seems like it’s easy to deal with the kids, it’s the other parents that are the problem.
At least when someone has a problem with your they are adult enough to converse with you. Unlike some people I’ve been dealing with in regards to Moe who feel its okay to talk about it behind me and have someone else “talk” to me about it.
(((Mrs. Chicken)))
That Mom From PreSchool is a dummie poopyhead.
This story KILLS me. For so many reasons. The name calling, her bitterness, her clear emotional instability. AND because I can tell you there will always be women like this at school. WTF? Why are people like this? We need Kevlar jackets just to deal with some of these moms. I just cannot get over some people.
Aaack!
p.s. maybe a word-a-day calendar in the Christmas package for the teacher?
The thing is that he may have very well hit your daughter or done something else that she didn’t like. As working parent you can’t see what your own child is doing every second (and you are not supposed to be glued to them anyway). Maybe he didn’t hit her on purpose, maybe they were struggling over possession of a toy. Point is that they are two. Pure and simple. And they are going to act like two-year-olds.
But the parents (her, not you) don’t need to act like two-year-olds, too!
I just can’t believe she actually called you. And that was SOME apology!
I worry a bit about the preschool thing. Not so much for Q (although she has a wild imagination that people don’t seem to get — like HELLO She’s 3, she can’t drive), but for me and having to deal with just that.
The parents.
Okay, so without letting it seem like I think she had ANY right or reason to talk about your daughter like that, and making it clear that I would totally not share toilet paper with her if she were stuck in a stall and in need –
My heart hurts a little for her. To be that sensitive about her son already. To be that insecure with herself as a mother. To have that great of a need to be a better parent than the rest of the parents. To see your son as that lacking, that you have to make up for it in putting down other children.
That. Makes my heart hurt for her.
But it makes my heart hurt for you and the rest of Poo’s class too.
Wow. She actually called. One hardly ever gets this kind of resolution or closure.
Didn’t you say she was a preschool teacher? Shouldn’t she KNOW this is appropriate toddler behaviour?
Un-freaking-believable.
If I was there, I’d have totally shoved my boot up her arse on the Poo’s behalf.
Even after she half-assed apologised.
Harumph.
Jess, I know. I was shocked, too, and my heart hurts for her. She is clearly conflicted about her son, which I cannot pretend to understand. I cannot pretend that I know what it feels like to take in a foster child who has so many challenges.
I cannot imagine what it must feel like when a strong, willful child with a powerful vocabulary accuses her vulnerable child of hitting her.
I do appreciate deeply that she called me to apologize. I’m not sure I would have had enough guts to do that, were the positions to be reversed.
Still, from my own parenting perspective, I am still upset that she was so willing to characterize my child negatively, for what is a normal interaction between kids this age.
She has a long road ahead of her. And so do the parents around her, until she can see more clearly.
*sigh*
Hurt feelings all around are never good.
She actually called you?? Expecting…what? That you had some explaining to do?? She’s nervy, on top if it all.
But, for a second there, I thought you were going to say she had found your blog! EEK!
Geez, I miss a few days of reading and all hell breaks loose in IL.
I had to catch up on the story and I’m shocked that she’d ever say such a thing about a 2 year old CHILD and secondly I’m shocked that she called to semi-apologize. Thank goodness you weren’t nice to her.
I wish she would find your blog.
I’m not going to defend her behaviour. She is a grown up and she shouldn’t say something nasty about someone else’s child just because she may be feeling a little vulnerable or angry. But I agree with Canape: I feel a little sorry for her and I give her points for sawllowing her pride and trying to apologize to you, even though she could have done a much better job of it.
What an odd apology. Clearly some people need lessons in social graces. Sometimes I think this parenting thing would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to put up with other parents (or if some of the intelligent, blogging parents lived anywhere near me…)
It IS hard…
For what it’s worth ~ I think you handled that b*$&^ very well.
Somehow I missed this whole, sad tale! How horrifying…I’ve met this same woman, though, where we live.
I guess she apologized, if that’s what you call it!
Well, at least she called and apologized(even if it was an odd one). There are some who wouldn’t even bother.
Oh, and I LOVE that you didn’t back down when talking to her!
Wow. I just can’t imagine what kind of person, what kind of mom, makes snap judgements, about a two-year-old based on one tiny incident. Jeez!
Good for you for standing your ground with her with class and composure. I probobly would have called her a few choice names myself…..
I say you give her a wedgie with her size zero yoga pants.
I’m still wondering, if she is a Montessori teacher, why her kid isn’t in Montessori. Details, I know. My brain gets hung up on them. Who would hire this woman anyway?
“She said he hit her and he didn’t”. Good lord, if this is what pushes this woman’s buttons, why on earth is she in a preschool environment?
Wow, if that is her apology, I wonder how she goes about insulting a person?!
What a beeotch!
Hi Mrs. Chicken. I’m a de-lurking mofo a day late. I’ve recently discovered your blog and it is now one of my very favorites. I really love your writing style. And The Poo is so damn adorable – my little girl is one year old and I just love the glimpse it gives me into what’s in store.
This mom sounds like a real… asshat. While I agree it was “nice” of her to apologize, I almost get the sense that it was done _without_ swallowing her pride. It sounds like the sort of thing she could do without batting an eye, churn out the words so she can SAY she apologized. I know I’m making a huge leap in judging her but you’ve just painted such a clear picture of her and I know just the type, I had a boss like her once. *shudder* I still have nightmares!
I just opened a kick of whoop ass on someone and I have some left, would you like to use it so it doesnt go to waste??????? LOL
Will wonders never cease…….
Way to stand your ground & talk to the teacher. I’m sure it was hard bringing it up.
Moody? Is better than “petulant?”
Wow.
Just — wow.
I would have called her the “c” word because I react emotionally to bitches who eff with my family. You handled this beautifully. I will try to use this as a learning opportunity.
BTW…Did I ever tell you about the encounter with an English woman on the flight from London to Nice who called me a “stupid, fat cow” for breastfeeding my then 10 month old child? No? Let’s just say that did not end well.
Ok, no expert here, but does she realize how quickly a 2 year old can hit another 2 year old? Yep, happens all the time; turn your back for 3 seconds and one is in tears!! So maybe, just maybe her son had hit the Poo!!
Eeeeww!! I hate THAT mom!
OK, sometimes I forget the ages of my bloggy friends kids, and I forgot Poo was TWO. She called a TWO year old a petulant tattletale? Like a PP said, she needs a reality check. first of all, ALL two year olds are petulant tattletales at some point. And they are angles, devils, smartpants, a-holes – and every other range of emotion that flows through their rapidly developing little bods.
And as for the hitting, I also agree with another PP, that a hit at two is usually a non-issue. Not meant, an accident – and even if it IS meant, is just a time to redirect to another activity. If there even was a hit.
But my BIGGEST beef, my beef with this lady from the start of this whole thing is: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH LABELING KIDS AND CALLING THEM NAMES???
There were teachers at Declan’s daycare that I had to talk to because they kept calling him shy. It really pissed me off, because he started coming home and telling us that he couldn’t do something because he was “shy.” We’d say, well “shy people say hello too.”
And we are even careful how we praise! There was a fabulous article that can out about a year ago about how over-praising is just as bad at under-praising and the quality is what matters… I had read about it in several books too. So, we rarely will tell Declan he’s awesome or whatever, we’ll say “I love how you tackled that project and kept at it.”
So, you can imagine how careful we are about negative words.
Anyway. Off my soapbox now.
Good for you for speaking your peace.
oops, sorry about all those typos!
I absolutely agree with you that the other mom had absolutely no business using a nasty word about your child. It is not her job to to make snap judgements and then vocalize them in the classroom. That is absolutely unacceptable.
I do put forth something that you touched upon in your response to some of these comments: Her small child is autistic. And I am willing to bet that a lot of the parents in that class have made snap judgements about her son too. I personally see parents and even some teachers make these judgements about autistic kids I know.
As the parent of a delayed/probably autistic child, I know how hard it is to watch my child interact awkwardly with other kids. To have other kids and adults misunderstand him. To not be able to take little things (like an accusation of wrongdoing) as they happen simply, but rather see a long future of misunderstandings and accusations in his future.
I am protective of all of my children, but I am FIERCELY protective of my delayed child because he is, as you very accurately said, vulnerable.
Good for her for calling you. She should have apologized to you–and really apologized, not backhand apologized–because she’s gotta understand what it’s like to hear someone badtalk her child. I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope it all gets better.
You seem to have a very sweet and adorable child. Co-op schools (my kids go to one) are great, but sometimes they’re tough because of all the different parents that are involved.
Jeez. I didn’t mean to write a novel. Sorry. Clearly this was a thought provoking post for me.
Now, did she only get this information from the teacher or did she find your blog, too?
Un-friggin’-believable!
Oh man. I know those parents. I smoothed them over like butter when I was teaching, but you always know that they’re being petulant and so on when you’re not looking.
Dear lord! What a fun conversation that must have been. Good for you for not backing down. I’m afraid SaltyJill was right. The C word really does seem to fit here. And I’ll say what I said before again too. It’s going to be awfully hard for her autistic son to learn how to read social cues if his mother is modeling that sort of behavior for him. Eek!
Mrs. Chicken,
I apologise if I overstepped my filthy-mouthed (handed) limit with my description of this woman, and offended you or any readers. I can be a little free in using ‘the C word’…or any other four-letter expletive, for that matter.
My intent was not to shock or upset, but to express my strong reaction to this woman’s behavior towards you and your daughter. Her all-knowing, passive-agressive approach will win her no fans. Let’s just hope she doesn’t ruin her kid’s life completely in the process of working out her own issues.
Consider the source and rise above it. Who gives a fig what some random know-it-all thinks? You and your beautiful, lovely daughter have more support here than you can shake a stick at.
And let’s just call a spade* a spade*, shall we?
Love & Kisses, Salty Miss Jill
*insert ‘C-word’ here