The Poo finally decided that swallowing her own vomit was maybe not such a good idea.
Unfortunately, she decided to let it all hang loose during lunch.
At a restaurant.
She was eating the first meal she’s taken since she came down with this plague on Monday, her beloved grilled cheese. Just as she asked for a second sandwich, she opened her mouth to insert a French fry and instead convulsed with a hacking cough.
In slow motion I watched as she gagged and whoops! out came that grilled cheese.
Putting my paper napkin to her mouth I turned to look at my husband, frozen to his seat like a man facing down a bullet. I grabbed another napkin as more snot and food came gushing out of my kid’s small body.
“Um, hey! Hey there!” I yelled at him. “Gimme your hankie!”
The spell broke and he handed me the cotton square. I mopped her up as best I could, surveying the damage to her clothes. I gently helped her out of the booth – she was crying by now – and headed for the bathroom.
In the dirty bathroom of a campus greasy spoon I wiped her down as best I could with cold, wet paper towels. The scene was oddly reminiscent of another mishap involving bodily functions and fluids.
“My pants!” she wailed, coughing. “Oh, my poor new pants!”
New pants, indeed. She was covered in muck. I had no choice but to remove her filthy shirt and dress her in my fleece jacket. Wiping her eyes as we left the loo, she looked up at me.
“Mommy, I want my new cheese, please.”
I promised her a snack at home after a warm bath, and returned to the booth to find a sympathetic server waiting with a plastic bag. She handed me the bag with a knowing look, and as I stuffed the stinky shirt inside she said this:
“I know what it’s like,” this pretty young thing said. “I have a two-year-old of my own and I just got called to come pick her up at her daycare because she’s already spewed four times.”
I paid the bill while Mr. C pulled the car up – it was cold and The Poo was wearing my coat – and left a 50-percent tip on a $20 lunch.
As I climbed into the car, my husband gestured at my handbag.
“She threw up in your purse,” he said.
Folks, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
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You should probably get 2 new purses for that!
Oh no! I hope she’s feeling better soon!
Yuck! The most wonderful time of the year. Yeah, right!
If this isn’t an an ode to the unconditional, true love that is motherhood, I don’t know what is.
I suggest you email this story to your father in law immediately.
Or maybe just give him your purse.
Oh and, have a holly, jolly Christmas!
Wow. I couldn’t have planned that one better myself.
Let me know if you need some suggestions
Oh no, poor Poo. What a lunch! At least you had a sympathetic server. Nothing makes that experience worse than a dirty look.
Yep, a new purse is in order. Hope Santa picks something pretty.
Oh, the Christmas bug hit the Island of Shake Shake last night. Every hour until 3 am my little man was upchucking or dry heaving. I sent my big boy to school and on the way out, he said his tummy hurt. I’m waiting on the phone call….
Ewwwww.
Oh, I’m so sorry about your lunch, but you made me laugh.
Yes – get a shiny new purse!
’tis the season to be barfy
oh, oh, oh…..you get whatever you want for that……
I never need an excuse to buy a new purse (cuz I only have on joy in life and it happnes to be purses), but I’d be milking this…add a nice wallet to go along, and maybe a make-up carrying case as well!
This reminds me of a time when I was sick and stuck in a minivan (in the bac), so I just started to pull everything out of my purse and hand it to my husband with the intend of yacking in my purse. Then I realized it was my *favorite* purse, so I put everything back in and held the yack in my mouth for a long time until the driver could pull over. No regrets.
Poor baby girl! I hope this will pass for her soon! It sucks when they are so sick!
At least your server was a Mom herself cause only Moms know! Hope Santa brings you a really pretty awesome new purse!
Hopefully it wasn’t a purse you liked very much.
http://www.hollyaiken.com
Made from very durable vinyl. I imagine they would clean up nicely from a little Poo-spew.
Hope she is feeling better today!
Oh man – that sucks. You definitely deserve a NICE purse for Christmas. Hope she feels better soon.
All Adither – sadly, it was a purse I really, really liked that I got at a craft fair. Suede.
Now residing in the garbage can. But Canape’s link has gorgeous bags, and mama’s gonna treat herself to one soon.
Yuck. Henry’s never barfed in public, but it’s amazing how quick it comes over them at this age. One second they’re jumping on the couch and the next minute they’re barfing everywhere. Hope you have a better day today.
Oh, ouch. Kudos to you for not going for the chain reaction barf yourself.
Her poor new pants? Even when she’s puking she’s adorable. Your poor purse.
Poor pants & purse – hope she is enjoying her new cheese again soon.
Oh, been there so many times. Get thee to the Coach store, ASAP! The good thing about the pukes is that my kids usually start feeling much better soon after. Hope the Poo does!
Oh man. That suuuucks. At least the server was cool about it.
Now get thee to a Coach store pronto.
Oh, ewwwww… Are the Poo and Smooch swapping germs via our blogs or something?
But I have to hand it to you, you even make a barf story sounds great. Now THAT’S talent.
Umm, embarrassed to share, Briar had her one and only vomiting episode on me and in my beloved red bag. I tucked the bag away while I dealt with other things. It sat for so long (months and months) that when I retrieved it the remnants of her vomit were but flakes that came right off my in-use-right-now purse.
I am so foul!
Poor Poo, and you too. I hope you’re both feeling better soon, and that she can keep down her new cheese.
Poor, poor kiddo and your purse. But at least you get to shop for a new one. Might I suggest something machine washable?
My kids haven’t barfed in public (yet) but when my son was 6 months old he had an explosive bowel movement that my husband termed “liquid satan.” Evan was in the baby bjorn at the time, so I got covered in shit as well.
We were at an ice cream social when it happened.
Hope Poo gets better soon!
As for the purse, I think you should get a matching pair of shoes too!
I sure hope you don’t have a fancy Kate Spade or something!
My dog barfed in my mom’s purse when I was about 12. My dog, so I got to clean it up. We were too poor for a new purse. I should call my mom right now and tell her I love her.
Um, that calls for Coach.
Vomit in an old purse is certainly deserving of a brand spanking new Coach bag, correct?
Oh, dang, I’m now reading Flutter’s remark. She was witty first! Oh, Kimberly and Tracy, too! (Sulking, now).
I hope your Poo feels better soon, very soon, poor dear.
wow! i’ll take my child polluting her bed any ‘ol time of the day.
Thanks for the reminder to never use a purse I like when my kid is queasy. Giggles. I’ll shop for a new purse with you anytime …
Wow.
I think you deserve a VERY nice purse for that one.
I knew I shouldn’t read this post as I eat my lunch.
I was correct.
Happy purse shopping. And I am no longer hungry….
Oh man. I also think that is a good reason not to buy designer purses while mothering a preschooler.
Have fun buying a new one! Purse, not preschooler.
I know your pain! And there is usually some NON parent sitting close by to make you feel bad for ruining their lunch. It is a great reason to get that new purse though!