It seems silly to write this, it is such a mundane rite of passage. However, this whole potty training thing has me hitting the proverbial wall in terms of my parenting skills.
I can’t make her do it. I can’t make her do anything, so why should this task be any different?
There was a time when The Poo hit her developmental milestones under her own power, with little or no coaching. Sure, she was late to roll over, but she did it. Walking? No problem, man. Again, she was a late crawler, but one day she was motoring backwards on all fours and the day after her first birthday she was a proud biped.
Lately – and by lately I mean since she turned two – The Poo’s obstinate streak has made itself known with a vengeance.
If she wants to do or learn something – snap! – she does or learns it. Like using the touchpad of my laptop to play games at the PBS Kids website. Or using her digital camera. Or figuring out how to get the Play-Doh off the craft shelf by herself.
Take for instance, the case of The Big Girl Cup. In school she is not allowed to have her sippy cup. So instead of drinking from the Dixie cup provided to her each day at snack time, she just refuses to drink anything until she gets home.
This went on for months, since September to be exact. Then, last Thursday, she announced in the car that she drank from The Big Girl Cup at school, and that henceforth she would only be using Big Girl Cups at mealtimes.
And she has not once wavered from that conviction.
But peeing and pooping on the potty? Dude, waaaaay over-rated. Why would you stop what you’re doing to sit on a silly piece of plastic when you can just let it rip in your diaper?
I kick myself for this one, because back in May we bought her a book about the potty on a whim. We read it to her once, and the next minute she was asking to sit on the pot.
She did her business multiple times, and I had a sense we were near the finish line when we had to travel to Ohio for my sister-in-law’s baby shower.
We brought the potty with us, but never got it out of the car. It was too inconvenient to try and maintain our regimen while helping prepare for the party.
By the time we got home the spell was broken.
With a new baby on the horizon, and The Poo reaching the age of reason, it seems more than time to get her out of diapers and into panties.
I’ve done everything. I’ve bribed, cajoled, pleaded, and scolded. I’ve bought stickers, affixed them to charts and told her that if she fills the chart she gets a prize.
I told her she could have the outrageous Ponyville toy of her choice if she learns to keep her pants dry. I’ve left her in a wet diaper for hours, hoping the physical discomfort would prompt her to ask for the potty. I bought the pull-ups that feel cold when wet.
The rare times when she has used the toilet, I’ve praised her and celebrated.
Right now, I’m sitting in the family room watching her perch on a red plastic potty emblazoned with Dora The Explorer, purchased yesterday with the desperate hope that pandering to her consumer tastes would make the process easier, along with a set of princess and Ariel panties.
Since last night she’s been wearing underpants, with the exception of when she went to bed.
So far, she’s peed on the carpet four times.
No big whoop, that. Nothing a little Resolve can’t take care of. No, that isn’t the issue.
The issue is the fact that she is flat-out refusing to do it. I know she knows when she’s going. I also know she’s just too damn busy to stop and sit on the toilet. In fact, the doctor told me at her last check-up that the type of redness in her nether regions wasn’t diaper rash, but irritation from holding her urine.
This morning we’ve had two knock-down fights about this, with me finally threatening to take away her beloved plastic ponies if she doesn’t plant her ass on the pot and let the pee out.
Just now, I watched her face as she sat on the couch on a towel. I knew she had to pee, and she did, as well. We rushed to the potty and sat, while I looked to see a little wet spot on her undies.
But did she pee?
Nooooooooooo. She held it.
And continues to hold it.
I didn’t want this to be a battle of wills, because my resolve (no pun intended) is often weak. But in this I cannot waver. The child must pee in the damn potty.
People say kids don’t go to college wearing diapers, but folks, you’ve never met The Poo. In her case, it is entirely possible.
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Our kids may be in college together wearing diapers.
A few thoughts for whatever they are worth:
1) Zachary started training a month after Benjamin was born because he had my undivided attention on the potty
2) Letting him read toy catalogs on the potty helped, but now he still can’t poop without them.
3)For some people, it works to keep the potty right where she is playing so she can just go then.
4) When we hit a bump in the training and he started refusing, I “changed” his diaper (reusing if dry) every half hour — in the bathroom. He was distracted from his play anyway because we were there, and I eventually annoyed him into submission.
I think it’s a firstborn thing.
Something else to look forward to with baby #2: way easier to potty train!
Lilly, who is baby #2, weaned completely, eschewed diapers, and learned to read in the same two week span when she was 3.5 years old.
I thought the day would never come (and it came! It came! The day I had yearned so desperately for!), but did it all have to come at once?
As mentioned by others, the Poo will do her thing when she’s ready.
Oh, man does that suck. Please don’t hurt me, but mine was a dream to train. A few accidents, yes, but she was ready to go and pretty much did it herself (well, with a little help from the daycare staff, bless ‘em).
Just comfort yourself with the fact that by the time she’s in school she’ll be trained – one way or another. And don’t sweat it – really.
You totally have my sympathy. I’ve potty trained two kids and still have no idea how to go about training my third.
Anyway, the thing about potty training is that she is completely in control. If it is a battle of wills, she will win. Just as with food, you can’t MAKE them eat something, you can’t MAKE them use the potty.
My second was not into training. At about 3 1/2 we took a month or two off and then when we started potty training again, he was 24-hour trained in two weeks with no accidents.
She’ll get there. The two of you will find what works for you and it will happen. But, oh, it is so frustrating to get there.
Ahhh, a glimpse of what is to come. My little one is 19 months old, but we’ve decided this weekend is going to be the end of her diaper days.
I know it may seem too early to start, but I’m afraid if I wait too long it’ll be even harder.
Potty boot camp starts this Saturday, and my husband even took the following Monday and Tuesday off of work just in case we need a few extra days to make things stick!
Good luck!
Cordy is nearly three and a half, and still has no interest in the potty. At preschool they have regular potty breaks, but she won’t go. I’m pretty sure she knows when she’s going, so I chalk it up to being stubborn.
We may have to try some kind of boot camp, although I’m going to look for those plastic pants to go over panties to keep the mess slightly contained. When she pees, it’s a lot of liquid.
When you said she peed (on the floor?) 4 times, was she wearing pants? or just underwear? I swear what did it for us was the soaked PANTS not just underwear. Wet underwear = no big deal. Jaxon HATED having his pants wet all the way to his socks and after having that happen a couple of times he started letting me know when he had to go so I could help him use the toilet.
More laundry to wash, but with pants on it usually doesn’t make it onto the carpet, so less carpet cleaning to do.
Good Luck!
Hallo there
I have read a few posts – I too have been hectic – although not in the same way, congratulations btw – belated I know … I’ve been working manically and not kept up with many obligations at all (save feeding the children because I hear you go to jail if you don’t keep up with that one).
Sorry to not have any fanastic advise – only the same as lots of others… Rowan is 3 and a bit and we tried about a year ago – gave up and then suddenly about 3 months ago she decided weeing was done in the loo and then about a week ago we progressed to number 2 with the help of magic cream!
(magic cream on the tushi makes poos come in the loo)
and it worked like a treat!! lol
Hope you’re well x
I don’t have any advice, I do have a story…. I knew a kid who went into second, yes second grade not only in a diaper but taking a bottle before school, after school and at bedtime. Feel better?
Both of my kids waited until I decided that I didn’t care if they EVER potty trained to get it under control. With C, we pushed and bribed and yelled and everything else in the world to get him on the potty. It was not happening. Then I got pg with Lizzie and I decided that I would much rather have 2 in diapers than to have a newly potty trained toddler and a newborn. So I gave up. I bought the mega jumbo pack of diapers and went on my merry way. 2 months after his 3rd birthday, he brought me some Buzz Lightyear underwear that we had as part of previous bribes and asked to wear them. I told him that he couldn’t pee on Buzz and he said “ok” and that was the end of potty training for us. He had a couple of accidents but nothing major.
With Lizzie, she was asking to use the potty before she was 2. She had a set back when her DCP nearly dropped her in the potty one day. Then she seemed to get the hang of it and was doing great. Even while we were on vacation in GA in the spring. She was asking consistantly to use the potty. Then she quit. Would not use the potty for anything. We did figure out that she would use the potty if she didn’t have any bottoms on at all so most of the summer she was in a long t-shirt or dress with nothing under it. That, of course, didn’t work while we were out and was not an option once it got cold. So she went back in diapers full time. Over this time span, she had periods where she would go several days and be completely dry for 6 or 7 days. Then she would be done and start peeing where ever again. Finally, a few weeks ago, I started offering her to “be a big girl” and wear the underwear (since it was obvious she was capable of staying dry because she had done it repeatedly) or to “be a baby” and wear a diaper. For a week, she picked baby every morning and we put the diaper on and went on our way. Then, gradually, she started picking to be a big girl sometimes. I would remind her that “big girl’s go pee in the potty, all the time” For the first week of the big girl thing, we were the ones who were trained. Every 30 minutes to an hour, I had her in the bathroom, making her sit on the potty. She never did ask to go. Now, she is full time underwear and always asks to go. She has had a couple of accidents (waiting just too long or grandma not listening when she says she has to go) but is generally dry all day and usually is dry through nap and most of the night as well.
Man, that is a SERIOUS stubborn streak, I tell ya.
Oh Man, this is SO my life right now. I have the boy version of The Poo. Just as hard headed and just as happy to sit in a wet, soppy and often poop filled diaper rather than use the potty OR have his diaper changed. Disgusting and frustrating. For me, not him. When will it end?
I wrote a post just like this the other day.
I am no help, but I can feel your pain.
My 3yr old has NO interest. He briefly got excited about a new potty – he picked it out, we got it home, he played with it and THAT WAS IT. He laughs every time we bring up the subject. Yesterday he told me “next week”
My 5yr old still wears a diaper to bed…
My potty training = FAIL, so I feel your pain.
Yeah, my son didn’t want to train. At age 2 I thought we were getting somewhere. At age 2.5 I thought we were almost there. At age 3 I thought it would be any day.
But no.
So I ignored him as regards stinky pants. And he trained himself (age 3.5.)
But our carpet was never the same.
(Thankfully, my second son trained himself at age 3 – no hassles – whew!)
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