For the first time in three months, I went to my local coffeeshop this week to write.
I had every intention of crafting a post worth reading, not the crap I’ve been slapping up here lately. Instead, I called Mr. C and invited him to have lunch with me, and afterward I munched on a terrible chocolate muffin. I’m sure to get gestational diabetes again, so I’m front-loading this pregnancy with all the baked goods and fried-potato products I can swallow.
After lunch, I opened my Macbook and surfed around a little, but then closed it again without drafting a single word.
Instead, I went to the mall and bought some cheap and ugly, but useful, maternity tees.
I just cannot get any words to come. I want to write, the desire is there. But my fingers and brain aren’t cooperating with my will.
It is so important to me that I keep working. I don’t have time to waste. If I’m going to make this writing thing work, it has to happen now. Or at the very least, I have to keep writing every day, no matter how painful, no matter how sucky it feels.
Because it does feel sucky. It’s like my brain has shut down. I’m so frustrated by the exhaustion and I have a limited amount of time to dedicate to myself and my personal endeavors. I have a family to care for, and of course that comes first.
And how silly is it that I panic when I don’t post here? I know I don’t have to, but somehow it feels like my job now, to write every day.
Maybe I’m just in a lull. Or maybe I’ve run out of things to say. I surely hope it is the former.
***
Because The Parent Bloggers Network sent me this awesome DVD that allows me to snooze while The Poo plays, I made an exception to my lack of things to say and wrote about a great new kids’ DVD. Go check out Pingu and do some of your own lazy parenting.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, darlin’. There is NO WAY that you’ve run out of things to say. Don’t force it. It’ll come — sooner rather than later, I’d imagine.
You have lots to say, honey. It just feels like being quiet right now. Even the Muse needs a nap.
Happens to me all the time. I don’t know why it bugs me, since there are enough sites whining about their lives to make up for any void I might leave…..
It goes away.
I have been in a lull lately, too. Blame it on the pregnancy brain. I do that ALL. THE. TIME.
For some reason I feel like my blog is my job, too. I worry when I take a couple of days off. Like my boss is going to be angry that I called in lazy.
But wait- I’m the boss, right? Right?
It’ll come. In it’s time, the words will come.
Honest writing is better than forced writing. Unfortunately most of mine is either forced or a silly anecdote and that’s about it. Some day it will come, I tell myself!
Writing is like anything–some days it’s there, ready to go, other days we have to work at it, and wait.
The words will come, you know they will!
Sometimes, I just type out poems or ideas I hand-wrote out months ago, just to keep my fingers moving, and revisit something good that I wrote. It gets me through.
I think it’s a midwinter (oh god) lull. My reader is noticeably less full these days (as is my own brain). This too shall pass!
I’m having a hard time reading posts, let alone writing anything. I’m blaming it on winter too.
I get why you feel it is a job because I do, too. I know the only way to keep writing is to keep writing, if that makes sense.
Everyone feels this way, sometimes. Except, you know, Dreiser, who should have.
Hey, even when you have nothing to write you still make it interesting. You have a valid reason to feeling crappy, hope you feel better soon.
Oh and enjoy every morsel of junk food you can!
For me, pregnancy and writing do not go well together. I feel like I’m storing up more than I’m producing–which I’ve decided to accept and even look at as a good thing. I’ve been reading a lot instead of writing. I feel I need to be a good reader to be a good writer, so this is not wasted time at all.
I think there are lots of people feeling the same way. Interesting though, that your “crap” is still pretty damn good reading.
You need to cut yourself a break, you’re growing a life for pete’s sake. I also read your blog regularly and can count on you for an updated (and interesting/well written/insightful) bit almost every day. Can I tell you how much that improves a long/tough workday?
I’m also pregnant with number two and I had so many of the same feelings for the first almost 20 weeks of my pregnancy. There were weekends where my husband was working and I was left feeling like a terrible mother to my son because I was too sick and drained to do anything but entertain a la Blues clues. There were weeks where I felt like a horrible wife because I constantly snapped at my husband and generally lacked any form of affection as I just couldn’t muster the energy. I often also felt like a horrible employee as I was convinced everyone at my firm could tell that I struggled to make it through every day. During those months I thought, how can I do this–”this” meaning being a mother of two, a wife, an attorney, and a sane functioning woman all at the same time. But as I stand on the other side of the hump and far closer to the end of pregnancy than to the beginning, remnants of my brain, energy level, and compassionate side have returned, and I finally have a glimmer of hope that I may just be able to pull it all off.
That will happen for you as well. Just give yourself a break. In the meantime please be reassured that even when you need to bitch, or write a funny bit about your pregnancy, despite how you perceive the depth of its content, you’re still funny as hell–and sometimes that is what your readers need.
Yeesh . . . sorry for the long ramble.
Even when you think you’re writing is sucky, you’re still able to write in a way that is honest and open. In doing so, when I come here to read your posts, I am able to connect with you and also think, “Hey! That’s how I feel!”
Besides, it takes a lot of work to grow a baby, and nurture your family and your self. Take it easy and try not to stress.
And a belated congratulations on the new baby!
OMG! I totally feel you. I sit down to my blog every morning, and don’t have the foggiest clue as to what I am going to say. And then, when something doesn’t come right away, I panic, and everything I think of writing is the suckiest thing in the world. My advice: Keep writing, even though you think it’s bad. And try not to put so much pressure on yourself.
Good luck.
Not that my previous comment wasn’t long enough . . . but in regards to your prior post, here are a few protein food suggestions that worked for me in the nauseous days (I still can’t do meat).
1. there’s a brand of light multi-grain english muffins that have 5g/protein per muffin. Spread a little peanut butter on those suckers, and you’re good to go on protein.
2. Luna Sunrise bars have a good amount of protein, folic acid, and omega 3’s, and they are quite tasty (I recommend the blueberry yogurt).
3. Kashi GoLean Blueberry Frozen Waffles-8g of protein in 2 and much easier to stomach than chicken.
4. I couldn’t do eggs, but I could stomach eggbeaters with a little cheese (healthy and protein packed)
5. Barilla Plus pasta-it’s packed with protein, throw a tolerable sauce on and you’re good to go.
Hope one of those works for ya . . . all are quick and easy.
sorry u’ve been down the last few posts – sending you some blogger love and hugs!
not to mention thanks for the advice you left over in my neighborhood. even in a lull you have time for us – much appreciated! just wish i could provide you the same…
Wish I had magic words to help you out of this.
I like what you write no matter what it is that your write! So if you post something its all good! If not its ok cause it keeps me coming back looking for new stuff!
You are doing a fine job!!!
Oh, Mrs. C, please be gentle with yourself. Sometimes it is nothing short of necessary to go to the coffee shop, have lunch with your husband and page through a junky magazine. You’re growing another person in there — you’re not required to be able to think right now. It’s okay. It is.
No worries. You take care of yourself and your family. This is your space and I feel priviledged to be able to read it, but it’s YOURS. Please don’t feel guilty if you take a few days, week, whatever off for yourself.
Your writing will always, always be there for you. It is there, even when you can’t find the words, it’s there.
I’ve had my own existential crisis’s of the blogging variety and can say that I think it’s okay to write when you have the motivation which is another way of saying its better to write less frequently but with energy and talent then it is to write all the time just for the sake of writing. Not even the most brilliant artists can be productive, genuinely productive each and every day. Now take a nap and wait for your muse, she’ll come back.
Even your “crap” is awesome.
But I know it’s hard when you have nothing to say. Hopefully you will feel pepped up soon.
I love Pingu! He has been around for a while. My 13 year old watched Pingu when he was a toddler.
Enjoy!