I hadn’t realized just how stressed out I was until I went to the OB this morning for my 12-week appointment.
Mr. C came home from physical therapy early enough to tag along, and I was grateful for his company. I don’t know my midwife very well, and as wonderful as she is, it was nice to have my biggest supporter there with me.
Hoping to hear the heartbeat, I was confused and upset when the nurse said it can be difficult to hear at this early stage. I remember hearing The Poo’s quite early.
The nurse questioned me about my urination to excess, repeatedly drilling me on whether or not I had burning or itching. It wasn’t until Julie came in with a serious look on her face that I realized why.
There was blood in my urine today.
Immediately, all the worry I’ve worked so hard to push down came bubbling up to the top of my throat. My already queasy stomach rolled and dipped as I searched her face.
She said it’s likely that I’m growing an infection, due to the fact that I’m dehydrated from not eating or drinking enough (my weight gain was zero). She talked me off the ledge, told me I needed a vaginal culture, and then she left the room to get the Doppler so she could look for the heartbeat.
I looked at my husband, panic ready to fly out of my mouth, and saw him sitting rock-steady.
“Why worry?” he said. “She said she wasn’t worried, so don’t.”
My pregnancy with The Poo was ordinary. I had gestational diabetes and developed a gazillion fibroids, causing her to be breach, but really, it was run-of-the-mill.
No scares, however minor.
***
Now that I’m over the optimal age … I worry. A lot. I toss and turn at night, my thoughts never daring to take a sharp focus. I’m surrounded by women who’ve recently suffered fetal loss, and it scares me to death even as I grieve for them.
I don’t want to go through that. I’ve seen up close what that can do to a woman.
So lying there on the table, naked from the waist down, I held my breath as Julie rubbed the wand over my belly.
dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum
One hundred and seventy five beats a minute, strong, and on the higher side. Another girl for us, perhaps?
Finally, I let the air stream out of my lungs. I met Mr. C’s eyes across the room and he nodded imperceptibly, a small grin flirting with the corners of his mouth.
“Shaggy,” I said, filled with relief. “Hi, Shaggy.”
***
After a prescription for nausea and the offer of genetic testing, we discussed whether or not we wanted to undergo possibly weeks of waiting for results about the future of our child.
We decided to go ahead and have the nuchal fold sonogram this Thursday, despite my misgivings about how I will handle the anxiety. We talked it over and we both decided that, while we would maintain the pregnancy, we would rather be prepared.
“You were all loopy when The Poo was born,” said my husband. “You don’t know what it was like.”
The Poo had trouble breathing, and NICU doctors were summoned as if for an emergency. She was fine, but Mr. C is right - I was pumping with drugs and everything was moving in slow motion.
But not for him. He remembers, and he has fear.
Thursday we’ll go, and we’ll measure and we’ll wait for the news.
But for now, I’ll just breathe.
February 5th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Nothing like hearing that heartbeat. I breathed a sigh of relief for you, reading that.
xo
February 5th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Yoinks! I’m sending you all-is-well calming vibes through the net.
February 5th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
So happy you are feeling a little more at ease. Don’t worry too much about the UTI, it is VERY common during pg. Lucky for you that there is a reason for all the peeing! Maybe with meds you will do less.
As for the lack of weight gain, still try not to worry. I’m pg with twins and still hadn’t gained at 10 wks. I’m sure it will come for both of us.
It is definitely different at this maternal age. I’ll have the NT next week, and I can’t help but worry. And all the decision making is compounded by the impact of having 2 to consider.
Sounds like you have a wonderful partner in facing all this. It will all be fine! Shaggy is pretty resilient!
February 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Always loved hearing that tiny heartbeat - very reassuring.
I wouldn’t worry about the weight - the baby’s fine and you will be too.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Mr. C’s a good guy - he’ll keep you grounded.
February 5th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
No wonder you were “not feeling it” earlier this week. You have a lot on your plate Mrs. C. Get well and stay well. I hope the nausea leaves soon and stays far far away.
February 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I hope the meds help keep the nausea away once they kick in for you! It is ok to have an UTI while pregnant..i had one with 2 of my kids!
Weight gain again not another big deal right now either! I lost 30 pounds with Sam for the first 6 months and then in 3 months I gained it all back plus a few more!
Breathe and try not to worry..though I know it’s harder said then done!
February 5th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
ah, honey. honey-bunches.
I’m over that ripe age, too, and I tremble at the thought of the bazillion what-ifs waiting ’round the pregnancy bend for me - if I even un-chicken and go for it, that is.
you are gonna be a-okay. you are.
xooxox
February 5th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Ah, that sweet moment of hearing the heart beat! YAY!
I understand the worry part.
I’m over the “age” too and we are thinking seriously about having another. And I find myself worried.
COngrats on hearing the heart beat!
February 5th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I may not be there in person, but I am still holding your hand.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Ah, it’s always a relief to hear that little rapid drum of a heartbeat.
Everything will be fine. And you’ll handle it all the best you can.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Glad that you saw the heartbeat. It’s beautiful after weeks of worry, isn’t it?
February 5th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Oh, honey.
Pregnancy is such a rollercoaster. I love the sound of that tiny heartbeat - makes me all teary.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Ah, a good, strong heartbeat.
Nothing better.
February 5th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Oh, I’m so happy that you heard that wonderful heartbeat.
I was 37 when I had Leo and 39 when I had Owen. With Leo I didn’t do any tests—telling myself that I wouldn’t change anything so why do it. But I must admit I worried the whole time and the first words out of my mouth when all 9 pounds two ounces came out of me was “is he o.k.?” So with Owen we did do amnio and I was so relieved. It’s good to know what you might be dealing with. I have a very good feeling about Shaggy however. Take care.
February 5th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
yay for Shaggy and his or her l’il heartbeat!
February 5th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Oh Shaggy, little baby!
I am so glad you get to decompress.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Keep breathing, o pregnant one. I swear it helps…
And how exciting to hear the heartbeat, such a miracle.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Now you can focus on the fun part, eating as much food as your heart desires. Mmmm, I’m happy just thinking about it.
February 5th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Shaggy’s heart is beating strong!! Good news!
February 5th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I’m thinking of you very very hard right now…and hoping the news just continues to get better.
February 5th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I worried every doctor visit about the heartbeat. So glad you got a strong one, and it does sound like a girl (or so the say!
February 5th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Breathe, breathe…
Haven’t been commenting much, but I’m still with you, following along, and very much excited for you and your family.
Breathe, breathe… and bask in the wonderful sound of that heartbeat.
FWIW, I had blood and went on to have very healthy twins. Trust in that heartbeat. Your baby is going to be incredibly beautiful — just like The Poo.
Now go get something to eat — like a big cake! — and then get some rest!
February 5th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Breathing is a very good thing.
xox
February 5th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Hi there, Shaggy
February 5th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
It will all be okay. I know it will.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
thanks shaggy for helping mommy breathe easier today - we can’t wait to meet u!
February 5th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
You are so lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive husband. Just keep breathing, the sound of the heartbeat, there’s no sweeter sound in this world.
February 6th, 2008 at 12:04 am
I think what really sucks about being older and pregnant is that we have a larger pool of paranoia to draw from. We’ve been through so much crap with our fellow mommies that the blooms off the fucking rose when it comes to being preggers. We know what COULD happen and so it’s easy to get all worked up.
But I think everything will be just fine. And I’ve been known to be occasionaly psychic.
February 6th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Oh man, I do not miss the anxiety of not-knowing. Hang in there - that strong heartbeat is a sign of good things to come, I just know it.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:43 am
I am sending you warm thoughts (and caviar dreams, because, you know, why not?)
February 6th, 2008 at 8:20 am
*HUGS*
Everything will be fine - don’t worry so much about it. Lil Shaggy will do what babies do, and come out in a few months wondering what all the fuss was about.
My mom was approaching 39 when I was born, and she had a normal pregnancy, with no problems aside from heartburn and the fact that I was 2 weeks late in the middle of one of the hottest summers ever. This was in 1985, when they didn’t have half the cool gadgets available to women nowadays.
My sister’s 35, and had her baby not quite 2 years ago. While not that far past the optimum age, she was overworked and stressed a lot. And even though Xavier was 5 weeks early, he was big and healthy (and born in a government hospital in South Africa, which does NOT have all the current uber-cool gadgets available in the States). He was fine, and today he’s taller and stronger than any of the kids in his class (which goes up to 2 and a half - Xav’s 20 months).
Just trust your body, it’ll see you through this. You’ll be fine.
All the best for Thursday. ^_^
*HUGS*
February 6th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Hey sweetie:
Sending you big hugs and positive thoughts and prayers for Thursday!!
I had zero weight gain in my pregnancy until I was 7 months along because of nausea and dehydration.
Deep breaths and positive thoughts honey.
February 6th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
There is no sound sweeter than the first time you hear that fast, galloping heartbeat. Now you can breathe and enjoy (minus the sickness) the rest of your pregnancy!
February 6th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
How sweet the sound of the woof woof of Shaggy’s heartbeat.
Good luck with the tests. It will all work out no matter what the results. Tell your husband I know what I speak of…
smooches.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Major hugs and air kisses, my friend. Sorry I’ve been so wrapped up in my own little drama … I will be on pins and needles right there with you tom. XO to you, Shaggy, Mr. C and the Poo.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:15 am
I am a worrier too, I know the fear. I hope you feel better. Sending good thoughts and big hugs.
February 7th, 2008 at 9:51 am
At my thirteen week they actually hauled me into the ultrasound room and did a scan because the doppler wasn’t picking up the heartbeat. That most definately didn’t happen with Fin so I wonder if it’s a second timer thing? Maybe we’re too strecthed out or something? Anyway- glad you can exhale.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I spent so much time worrying early on with this one. You just keep breathing, ok? And as you can, ease up on the worry.
Thinking of you, sweet one.
February 9th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
[...] insult to injury, the blood in my urine (hi, Googlers!) indicated a yeast infection and some other funky bacterial thingie and so I have to [...]
February 9th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Good luck! I’m sending you and your fetus good thoughts and lots of healthy development vibes. You can never have too much good karma sent your way.