Considering that I will be 3,000 weeks pregnant by August, and considering that I won’t be able to go anywhere, and considering that I anticipate spending eleventy-gazillion hours at the public pool this summer, I considered getting my legs and, uh, private areas waxed this summer.
I thought I’d start soon-ish, so that I am A) used to it and B) nice and smooth by the time it gets to the point where I am unable to groom myself due to my ginormous size.
I have since reconsidered.
Go. Laugh painfully. Share solidarity. Give support. And bring Advil. A lot of it. Maybe, like, a gross.
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Oh, my God. That was simultaneously so funny and scary that I couldn’t even finish it to find out what happened. You couldn’t pay me to get a Brazilian, that’s all I can say!!
Ain’t no way I’m having my coochie tortured like that.
Oh yeah, been there tried that ran away screaming. Don’t do it!
Yeah, i did that.
Once.
Oh dear god.
There goes my waxing appointment for next week!
Forgeddaboutit.
oh no!! how funny and tragic!! please save your own parts and wear shorts in the pool this summer if u have to!! by the way, that was my prego pet peeve – why did know one tell me how crazy hard it would be to maintain that region w a giant belly in the way??
OMG was that funny…I was going to say something like that but she put it SO much better. Besides I thought I read somewhere not to have your bits waxed while preggo.
That was seriously disturbing and hilarious. That seals it: I am never getting a brazilian.
Oh my holy hells bells.
Yowza. I’ll stick with shaving.
Leg waxing is high maintenance (don’t know about the privates!). You have to keep exfoliating or you’ll get ingrown hairs. And there is nothing more painful than getting the hair ripped off your ankles.
No one cares about body hair! At least I hope so, because I don’t shave nearly often enough. Too much work and forethought involved!
Thank you for the link. I now know for certain that I’ll NEVER do that.
Yeah, DON’T DO IT PREGNANT. It really, really hurts.
That had me crossing my legs and wincing. Owie!
Oh, and don’t ever get a Brazilian when preggers, especially your first one. Things are much more . . . sensitive down there right now.
Monkey is a brilliant storyteller, is she not.
Thank you for this link. I will NEVER do this ever. I am still wincing in pain. Ouch!
Yes, to reiterate what Sus says — never get a Bikini wax while pregnant. Been there, done that, lesson learned, now must preach to the masses.
I can’t quite believe I’m going to admit this, but when I was hugely pg I started worrying about the state of the nether region. I could barely see down to shave my legs, so I…((ahem)) asked the husband to, er, trim it back a smidge. I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so vulnerable in my life, and now he has blackmail against me in case I ever decide to try and leave him
You could always go that route!
First of all, it will be a bit mroe sensitive “within” since you are preggo.
But find someone on a personal reco, then you won’t have to deal with a demon.
You don’t have to do the whole thing — just get the outer stuffage done and call it a day.
I won’t shamelessly send people to Mominatrix (ahem) to read about my experience, but if you have someone good, who knows what they are doing, it’s not that bad.
And it looks and feels great.
Ouch.
Thanks for the shoutout-I’m kind of an obscure blog.
I’ll post an epilogue to the story tomorrow (since the commenters you sent over asked some questions in my comments).
Rayne and I are alums of the same school-I noticed your profile says “Big Midwestern School” and am mildly curious if you’re from around the way.
Thanks again, and my best wishes for an easy and healthy pregnancy.
Monkey in a Suit
OH – MY – GAWD!!!
That is both hilarious and painful to read! As for the waxing- when I was pregnant I got to a point where I thought, if I can’t see it looking down, I don’t care if any one else saw it either.
Am still reeling from the horror described.
Yikes.
This may be TMI but that is why I will die with all the hair got decides to bless me with…
Egads!
What an idiot I am… all the hair GOD will bless me with.
I thought I was being cute and ended up looking like someone who wouldn’t dream of waxing their lady parts….
Oh man, what a nightmare!
I was terrified to get a bikini wax but finally tried it a couple of years ago, with the thought that if I survived labor three times over, I could get through a waxing (NOT the full monty… no thank you!) I was surprised that it really wasn’t that bad, very quick, and totally worth it. Shaving, for me, results in ingrown hairs and itching within a day, but waxing takes it all and doesn’t leave any itch behind (har.)
It all completely depends on the skill of the aesthetician, though — I’ve also tried the do-it-yerself approach and ended up with the purple bruising of which Ms. Monkey speaks. Ooouuuuuch!
Great write up. Thanks for the link, Mrs. C.
OUCH. That is all.
Ouch…no, no, no. Have your hubby help you shave if you need to in those last months.
Oh man, that was one of the funniest stories I have read, ever.
Just don’t try it at home by yourself.
Speaking from experience.
Now I’m off to go cross my legs and be grateful no one is going to be seeing my pink parts and their fur any time soon…
Maybe try the legs though! For the girly bits try cream hair remover for sensitive skin. I still cringe a bit when I see the photos of my daughter’s birth. Too au natural.
Hilarious post though.
Holy. Hell.
I’ll be in the corner hiding my cooter, if you need me.