Going through my old photos the other night, I came across this one:
I remember when it was taken. We were visiting my husband’s family in Cleveland for the Fourth of July, in 2005. It was a strange time; I was on medical leave from my corporate job for post-partum depression and it was just shy of a year since my father had died.
To say that it was time of emotional upheaval is like calling World War II a minor international conflict.
My memories of that time are almost all tinged with a feeling of panic and grief. Would I quit my job, the one that brought in two-thirds of our income? (I did.) Would my family of origin fall apart? (It did.) Would my grief ever abate? (It did.)
Strange, then, for me to see the happiness on my face in this snapshot.
But looking at it did remind me of the one person in the world who can always, always rescue me. The one who can always pull me out of myself and back into the present.
The one who can always bring the sunshine, no matter what the weather.
My one and only daughter.
Tonight we hosted a playdate for two other mommies and their daughters, good friends, kind women, people I really enjoy. And in a wonderful twist of fate, I also happen to enjoy their children.
The kids played hard and by the end of the three hours they were all a little ragged.
When the door closed on the last guest, The Poo and I settled into the love seat to watch some cartoons and cuddle. My daughter laid her head on my belly and sighed.
“It’s good to be alone sometimes,” she said. “Sometimes it’s good to be alone and be quiet with your mama. You’re my mama.”
“I am, Poo,” I said, stroking her hair. “I’m always your mama.”
“I’ll keep you,” she replied, sitting up and cupping my face in hands.
And so she does.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I get depressed DURING pregnancy: irritable, anxious, nauseous, and sad for nine long months. It eases up gradually once my babies are born. When I conceived my third boy, (accidentally!) I didn’t realise I was pregnant yet… I was a bit nauseous but hadn’t yet missed a period. My second son, aged 18 months, came up to me one day, put his little hands on my face and said, “I yuv you soo much, mummy!” I said, “Ack! Go wash your hands! Don’t DO that!!” And then it dawned on me: Oh my god. I must be pregnant. I had thought it was a mild tummy flu! I hated myself for hating my children for all those months. I still feel guilty.
Oh, well of course she does.
Anyone worth their salt would choose to keep *you*. Revel in each other.
What a sweet and – yes – happy photo. Nice to be reminded that even during a torturous time you were finding something to smile about. Soon you’ll have two…people like to tell you that a 2nd child will “more than double the work” but they forget to tell you that it will more than double the joy, too. Something you can’t believe until you experience it.
so sweet. my six year old will randomly walk up to me and say, ‘i love you’ and hug me. it is the best and so sweet.
Tearing up over here – what a gorgeous post.
That love is so beautiful, and so are you.
Who wouldn’t keep you?
Awww.
I had my parents here to visit this week, and I got to enjoy a little time to be alone & quiet with my own mama – that’s a simple joy that seems to last forever.
Great post, this.
Sweet sweet Poo, and You.
Lovely photo. Even lovelier words.
Oh, you are going to have to change “Share My Pain” to something else!
What a perfect moment. You wrote it beautifully.
“it’s good to be alone sometimes” how amazing is she?
That is a phenomenal picture. Her face looks, even there, like she knows she’s keeping you.
Beautiful story. It is amazing all that children bring to our lives.
Beautiful picture. And I understand so well looking at a happy picture from a difficult time. My family of origin fell apart, too, after my mom passed away (which happened to be when our second son was 7 months old). I think a lot about how I will frame the history of certain photos from our family history for my kids….kind of a best of times/worst of times theme.
She is such a sweetie. It’s amazing how much the words of a small person can cheer us up.
Oh lord — that is one sweet girl you have there!
I can only imagine how she is going to turn on the “cute” when she’s in trouble in years to come…
very good \o/
You really fix your blog up.