we are so very lucky to have andi in our world!!

It’s been a huge adjustment for her, and it’s still going on. I guess it will never really become “normal” - although family life as we know it has.

We have already talked about her doing something part time - maybe bookkeeping (she’s a chartered accountant) - when the children are older.

And I will add a couple things about the whole “Canada” thing, because yes, I am from there. We do get a year of paid (not full, but 55% which sure is better than nothing) leave. I definitely think it would have been incredibly difficult for me to go back after only a few weeks or months with my baby - after a year, I was ready.

Although I appreciate some of Jason’s points - I still think it’s difficult for most men to really understand the societal pressures that are placed on women in terms of parental obligation. Like I said in my post, if both parents are working, in most cases the assumption is that the mother is more responsible for the child’s care and domestic duties. And if both parents have equally high-paid jobs, and had the “choice” to stay at home, bets are it would be the mom doing the choosing.

In the workplace, mothers are often discriminated against, because it’s assumed they will be taking time off of work when children are sick, etc. I know I am lucky in that I have a fairly equitable relationship and a flexible workplace, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t get tired of, as you say “always being mommy.” I’m sorry, but it’s just not the same for dads. It’s just not.

Certainly I hope that people don’t look down on my wife and I because we work full time and pay for a good daycare for our kid. It was our choice, and it’s been (IMO) easier and more beneficial for our family. If there wasn’t a daycare of the same quality as the one she’s at, we wouldn’t have done it. If we had plenty of money and/or no debt, one of us would stay home… whichever one made less money.

SAHPs often complain about how they are “on duty” all the time, and how they deserve so much credit for what they do. I agree that they do work hard, but they also have the ability to be flexible, take part in all the daytime programs that we working parents can’t, etc.

My wife and I work all day AND come home and parent each night. We don’t get babysitters, we don’t have family in the area, so we don’t get any extra time off either.

I wish we had a free year of FMLA, like Andi (apparently from Canada?). I think more parents would feel more comfortable returning to work having had such a long time at home with their baby. As it is now, parents can stay home for a couple weeks, maybe a month or two if they’ve saved up some leave, and then it’s either back to work or quit. Some SAHPs are only at home because it is much more difficult to get back into the workplace after a year (or two, or seven) of being at home. My sister (now SAHM for 7 yrs.) is/was in that position.

I actually DID choose to stay home despite financial considerations, and that, too, was judged. I think women judge women more harshly than others might.

I left a very lucrative corporate gig to be the stay-home mom and part-time freelance writer wife of a full-time grad student. On paper, our income last year was $14,000.

So I hear you. But unless you’ve made the “choice” I’d be hard-pressed to agree with you on this one.