Twelve hours and 700 miles loom ahead of us today.
We’re heading back to Chambana tomorrow morning, and there we will stay. Our summer hiatus, which usually include a long trip to the sea, instead will be marked by prairie dust and the city pool.
I’m at once eager to get home and reluctant to leave. The reasons I love this town I grew up in have been reinforced by my time here. At the same time, I realized how much I enjoy living a fairly drama-free life out in the Midwest.
It is a conflict that I fear will never be resolved. I can only hope that as I get older, I am better able to compartmentalize my feelings.
I’m tired, so tired. I’m ready for my own bed and my own space, where I can make my own mess. I’m looking forward to going back to a place where I can feel free from the pull of the past and lean toward the future.
Yesterday I had a chance to visit my father’s grave. Seeing The Poo near his headstone, placing a large rock there so gingerly, gave me the wonderful feeling that he was nearby, watching and laughing as his three grandchildren, all so different and amazing, bickered about the arrangement of the stones they collected for him.
It was the first time I’ve ever visited the cemetery without crying. Instead I felt only peace.
It felt like a message from my dad.
I don’t know what the days ahead hold. And for the very first time in my life, that is OK.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:39 am
what a beautiful gift he’s given you
June 16th, 2008 at 7:27 am
I am very glad you are finding some peace.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Safe journeys to you - literal and figurative.
June 16th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Sweet home Chambana … have a safe and uneventful journey.
June 16th, 2008 at 9:10 am
He will always be with you. Sometimes you’ll see it more than others, but he’s always there. And I know he is so proud of you.
June 16th, 2008 at 9:48 am
wait, wait, wait: dildos in the trash can don’t constitute drama?
Have a safe and uneventful journey.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Adoring you from here.
June 16th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Safe travels. You do have family waiting for you when you get back, without the drama.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
drive safe, Chickens.
June 16th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
that’s a long way. let us know you’ve arrived safe and sound, ok?
June 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Wishing you back safe & sound & soon!
Steph
June 16th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Hi…..my name is Tiffany. You don’t know me but I have to confess that I’ve “peeped” at your blog for awhile now following along with your life. I really enjoy your writing and appreciate the love for your family. You are freaking hilarious!! You’ve made me laugh so much. I’ve blogged for about a year now and have enjoyed reading what others write. I love how women have bonded together and shared stories and comments. I would love to do that with others! How did you get people to recognize your site and share in your experiences? I feel like I write some great things and would love to share with other women as well. Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your world even though you don’t know me. I’ve enjoyed it, and have been inspired by your writing….You are an amazing woman.
~Tiffany
June 17th, 2008 at 12:47 am
How delightful you found some peace in this chaotic world. You are most likely home now so WELCOME HOME!
June 17th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Great post. It reminded me of my increasingly infrequent visits to the town I grew up - where I have no family left now (we all moved away).
It feels very strange going back to visit now - seeing the occaisional face I recognise, and of course the town slowly changes too.
Our girls will of course never know anything other than where we live now - and will think it boring when I reminisce as we pass through my home town… just as I did with my parents.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
How precious is it when you can feel that peace from your father? My dad died when I was 19, I saw a card on post secret from this week that would have been my exact card. The first one, the one about how sometimes I am glad my father isn’t here to see how I have messed up the perfect life he obtained for me. Yea, I messed it up, it seems but I know it would be ok, he would just help me fix it I’m sure.
I moved from my family on my own in 1998 because the drama, omg the drama, was so over the top that I simply couldn’t cope. It was great. We had only been back here a few short weeks when the drama kicked in and I remember exactly why I left.
It is a weird feeling how it feels good to hurt sometimes.
June 17th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Oh and by the way, I moved my blog to http://www.momecentric.com When you get caught up, come by and see me! Talk about drama, I’ve got drama for you.