When The Poo was born, we received money from several of my in-laws and relatives.
Intended for her care and feeding as she grew, we put the cash into her own savings account and we haven’t touched that account since her birth.
The number on the statement is rather small, but we’ve thought of it as an emergency fund these past 18 months. Just in case we need it.
After this week’s knock-down-drag-out fight about the state of the household, we decided to tap into it to pay for a couple house cleanings.
We won’t spend a lot in the grand scheme, but when your annual income is below the poverty line - at least on paper - it seems selfish (not to mention foolish) to spend money on such a luxury.
I know there are some who will judge me for saying this, but I looked at my options and I clutched my aching crotch and I agreed to my husband’s suggestion.
We’ll have three cleanings, one this month, one next month, and one right before Shaggy comes. After that, my mom and mother-in-law will be here, and they’ll compete to see who can do the most for me after his birth.
I felt guilty, but then I heard my father’s voice in my head. While he was far wealthier than I will ever be, he often asked this question when determining whether or not to pay for something he could have done himself:
“What is the price of my sanity?”
The fact are thus:
I am 10 million weeks pregnant and struggling with severe anemia. I have a three-year-old, whose energy could power the western world. I owe two weeks worth of columns to my editor. I owe a pitch for another gig. I have the normal everyday chores to complete and I am dead on my feet by 2 p.m. every day. My husband is going to Italy for 10 days in July.
My husband is busy at work, taking extra editing jobs to earn more cash for the fall, on top of his own schoolwork. He owes a case study from last fall’s semester, he has intensive qualifying exams in a few weeks and he also needs to complete his presentation for the conference in Italy.
The price of my sanity equals that of three house cleanings, paid for with money meant for the care of The Poo, as well as with my checks from the ads that run on this blog. Rest assured, her care will be of a much higher quality with a happy mama.
Today the cleaners arrived at 10 a.m., and I was horrified to see one of two women was hugely pregnant.
I watched, mouth agape, as she waddled up my stairs hauling a vacuum cleaner and a bag of rags.
Then I dissolved into a pile of upper-middle-class guilt.
I read Nickel and Dimed. I know how much money these women make, the ones who work for the big cleaning companies.
I know how hard the work is; of course I do, I hired her to do it for me because I am hugely pregnant and cleaning my toilets puts me out of commission for hours.
I shook myself and hurried to hand over my list of what needed to be done. The Poo and I busied ourselves getting ready for her tumbling class and I winced every time I thought of the pregnant woman cleaning my bedrooms.
She came back downstairs and I asked her when she is due.
“Any minute now,” she said, clutching the underside of her belly in a painfully familiar way. She shuffled into the foyer to get her spray bottle.
“Ooooh,” I groaned, unable to help myself. “I am so sorry you have to clean my house!”
I wanted to shove the words back in, but she just smiled at me. “I have two boys at home,” she replied kindly. “I’d be on my feet anyway.”
We engaged in some pregnant-lady chitchat and The Poo and I left for class, our check on the counter.
All the way to the gym I couldn’t help but dwell on the painful irony of that poor woman getting herself out of bed every day to clean other women’s houses, women like me who have the unimaginable luxury of paying for tasks that should be part of their daily routine.
Then I wondered, what price for my sanity?
June 21st, 2008 at 12:44 am
Here’s my thought: You are using the money for the care of Poo. A sane and happy mom is worth a million dollars to a little girl.
As for allowing a pregnant woman to clean your house? That’s life. You can’t compare yourself to her. Or your abilities to hers. Each woman and each pregnancy is different.
I think you made a wise decision.
June 21st, 2008 at 12:49 am
You don’t have to justify your actions. A clean house is caring for The Poo.
Listen, there are points in life that are so difficult, but if you think about it this way, that lady clearly needs her job. If you hadn’t sprung to get your house cleaned maybe she wouldn’t have worked that day. So you were helping to care for her little Shaggy, too.
June 21st, 2008 at 5:04 am
Oh. I COMPLETELY understand what utter crap that must have made you feel like but every person is different. I was still doing 5 mile runs and working overtime up until the day before my second kid was born. Don’t feel guilty about the money, or the lady… she is being paid for her work (might not be fat cat pay, but still being paid fairly) and you need the break!
June 21st, 2008 at 6:12 am
We recently debated the pros and cons of sodding our backyard ourselves vs hiring someone to do it. My big, strong husband’s argument against doing it himself was very similar to your father’s. When we finally settled on hiring someone because he thought the work would just be too damn hard, he was more than a little dismayed to find that a 50 year old woman would be the one breaking her back. We kept waiting for her crew to show up, but it was just her.
You did the right thing. We’ve gotten some money for both kids, and almost all of it went into our down payment on this house. Keeping a roof over their heads or keeping their bedroom floors clean, it doesn’t matter. We’re providing and caring for them all the time.
June 21st, 2008 at 6:43 am
Oh, you are doing the RIGHT THING! If I could get someone to come twice a week, I would, and in fact my fingers are crossed that in September she’s available. Yes, it’s expensive, but I work hard and I get mad when my weekends are spent CLEANING! It is so good to go out to work, (my studio is in town) and come home to a clean house! And I BET you feel more creative and write faster and better in a beautiful clean house than you would with mess and distractions everywhere. I do. Not writing but painting I mean! When I work out how much I would earn if I spent that three hours painting instead of cleaning, it more than pays for a cleaner. The lady who I hope comes back to work for me I would pay directly and WELL, because she is amazing and wonderful and I miss her. Food for thought!
June 21st, 2008 at 6:48 am
I know that feeling and guilt. The other comments are right. Those of us with limited budgets make choices, and they are the ones that are right for us, even if they seem questionable to those outside, who don’t get it because they don’t know the full story. I paid for a “personal chef” (not as fancy or expensive as you think) to make healthy meals (for freezer) for us for a couple of months after my second was born. It was worth every penny. I used the grocery budget. Although everyone talks about “quick and easy meals” and all, they aren’t really, not with one hand holding screaming colicky infant and another trying to manage a 3 yo. Or not for me. I wanted healthy, fresh food (not processed stuff) and this provided that. It alleviated so much stress and guilt.
You choose right for you. You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to feel guilt. Let it be the help that it is.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:18 am
It’s easy for me to tell you not to feel guilty, but the truth is I would feel exactly the same way. But Flutter is right about the pregnant cleaner - you gave her a job that day.
So, on a lighter note - how was it coming home to a clean house???
June 21st, 2008 at 8:56 am
Get the help you need when you need it. Just don’t forget this moment of painful irony when the conversations about health care reform, family leave, etc. roll around.
June 21st, 2008 at 9:14 am
We’re considering that option too, for many reasons I always feel like I should justify.
But sanity trumps my pride I guess.
I think you made a smart move.
June 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am
That’s a tough one. But your dad was right. (You know that.
) We all have different things we can handle at different times in our lives.
I hear you on the Nickel and Dimed thing though. That was a tough book to read. But your not using a cleaning service won’t solve that problem.
Keep your sanity and hang in there!
June 21st, 2008 at 9:30 am
Yes- yes. What price for your sanity. I feel the same way- and I hope she did a good job, too. : )
Steph
June 21st, 2008 at 10:22 am
You are completely and totally justified. I am learning to ask myself that same question about sanity, and it’s a hard lesson to learn. So enjoy it…and use your energy for the Poo and getting ready for Shaggy!
June 21st, 2008 at 10:23 am
It’s so hard not to get caught up in the “if I could just”s.
I get the housecleaning service ads in the penny saver every month. I always hang on to them thinking “I’ll call them to come once, maybe twice before the baby comes.”
Then I feel guilty for being a SAH pregnant lady. I’m not working, I have TIME to get this place in shape. But, I’m tired. It’s only gonna get hotter this summer, and I’m only going to get bigger and slower.
June 21st, 2008 at 10:39 am
It’s a great idea to give yourself a break. You can use the extra (ha!) energy for poo. And, like others mentioned, she needs that job (no one would clean because they want to) to give her baby a little bank account. I hope it was heaven when you walked back into a clean house!
June 21st, 2008 at 11:29 am
I remember when I was pregnant and on those rare occasions that I did clean my house, I would get the most rip-roarin’ case of sciatica. If I could hire someone I would-Believe me! You did the right thing. And it was God’s little joke that she was pregnant. Ha Ha, very funny.
June 21st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Excellent post.
How did the house look when they were done?
June 21st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
We all have blessings and burdens. Tenderness, dear, muster a little for yourself.
June 21st, 2008 at 6:18 pm
The bottom line is this, every person (as if you didn’t already know this) handle pregnancy so much better than others. I have a girl who works for me who is pregnant, and that girl, while only 20 years old (to my 40 and not pregnant) says she feels fine. One day in the last several months she has asked to come in at 8 instead of 6 in the morning. Not an entire day off, simply a couple extra hours rest one morning. She works 12 hour shifts regularly and when I beg her to go home and let someone else handle it, she always tell me that she is fine.
I did well just to bath myself when I was pregnant with Jace (second). Walker was 22 months old when he was born, I had 3 herniated disks in my low back, I was so severely anemic that every doc visit I prayed I would avoid a blood transfusion, and I started having pre-term labor at 24 weeks. I’m here to tell you that every time I saw a pregnant woman bee-bopping through Walmart pushing a full buggy while I rode on one of those motorized carts, a piece of me would just die inside. But, the bottom line is this…..you do what is right for you and your baby, for the health of you and your baby (Poo too) and it isn’t like you guys live frivilously all the time, no one could possibly judge you.
I’m not even pregnant, I simply have some nice large screws and plates in my low back and we have someone clean for us because I spend 12 + hours a day at the daycare. And, the worst thing is this, I can pick up after myself, but I can’t simply seem to pick up after the 2 little boys and the big one boy that lives here and don’t pick up after themselves. It takes a lot to do laundry for 4 peope when the only hours you spend at home are between 6 and 6:30 AM and 7:30 and bedtime of 10pm.
Bottom line, do what you gotta do! And, trust me, if that lady was pg and had issues with her pregnancy (anemia pre-term labor), she wouldn’t be doing it either. But, I suspect she is much like that little girl that works for me who says, “oh, yea, I’m pregnant, so?” when I question her ability to do something.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Wow, you are and your husband are busy people.
That’s more than justified.
June 21st, 2008 at 9:41 pm
OMG, don’t feel bad for doing what you need to do to keep your sanity! I’m sure the lady that did the cleaning is doing it for some dollars, or some social interaction to keep HER sanity. It’s different strokes for different folks!
Love the blog btw, I haven’t been here before!
June 22nd, 2008 at 11:18 am
oh babe. i know. and it’s ok.
June 22nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
So when you said your crotch hurt, you weren’t talking about - - -?
June 22nd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Just think….obviosly this woman needs the job, so if you didn’t have her cleaning your house that might be less income for her.
You are doing the right thing.(((HUGS)))
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I gotta tell ya, when I was pregnant with X-man, MacTroll was off doing some insane amount of work in Tokyo for six months. I had one of those pregnancies where I threw up at least 3 times a day through my 28th week… and a whole bunch of crap that came with it. We got a cleaning service when I was past my first trimester because the sick wasn’t going away. The ladies came once every month. I started just having them clean the first floor of the house, then as I got bigger and too felt my pelvis snapping from my overly huge 10 lb plus baby… I sunk a crazy amount of money into having them do the whole house every other week. MacTroll still cries about the fact that after the baby was born, I ended the service (cause obviously we needed the cash for the new kid). But I don’t regret it or feel guilty about it at all.
Neither should you.
It’s part of taking care of yourself. And, as MacTroll says, if Mama ain’t happy… Nobody’s happy.
Feel better and never feel guilty about treating yourself (or Shaggy) right!
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:23 pm
It is SOOOO worth it. It took me years to come to terms with having a weekly cleaning lady, but now I can’t imagine life any other way. Enjoy it— you’re worth it!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:57 am
Mama’s sanity keeps the whole household together. Don’t feel bad about getting the house cleaned!
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:16 am
Oh, I understand the guilt, but everyone else is right - you do what you have to do to keep your sanity. Getting the house cleaned made your life easier, and the money was there to do it. It’s not like you were choosing between groceries or house cleaning this week, right?
With Aaron laid off, we’re starting to make some tough choices here. The cable will remain, for my sanity, and the internet is a must because we both work part-time thanks to that net connection. I’m planning to get a massage soon, too, because it’s been a tough few months, and I haven’t had one in two years, and well, I need it.
And that woman who cleaned your house likely needed that job, too. Maybe this is all that is supporting her family, or maybe she wants the extra money to provide some luxuries for her kids. By paying her, you may have helped her achieve what she needs to keep her sanity, too.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:51 am
[...] While my house is clean, it is certainly not tidy. A picnic yesterday laid waste to the kitchen, and before I even had a shower or brushed my teeth, I had to throw on a dress and greet the dude who came to clean my dryer vent at 8:15 a.m. [...]
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
If you have the cash for that luxury embrace it! You and hubby alike are working hard to keep everything and everyone afloat…so as a family you deserve it especially since it creates more quality family time … the few precious week you have remaining as a trio!
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Perhaps for her getting paid to clean is worth her sanity?
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:26 pm
There is no better gift you can give yourself right now, and it’s worth every penny. And I would bet that she would do the same if she could, or if it was the thing that would mean the most to her. I say screw guilt and enjoy the clean house.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
You did the right thing. You needed your sanity and she must have needed the job. It doesn’t make you feel any better I am sure, but enjoy your clean house!
June 24th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Clean house means clean mind, so you can do what YOU do to make a living: write, right? Someone is doing not-so-cushy stuff for your cleaning lady, too, remember: turning the electricity back on in the middle of a storm, picking up her trash, I don’t know - all kinds of less than ideal jobs that have to be done. People have different thresholds, too; maybe she doesn’t mind cleaning a toilet but would DIE if someone asked her to write an essay. See, your projection of things on her may be much worse than her reality. Not that this is what you’re doing, but sometimes when I find myself feeling sorry for someone, I have to stop and make sure that my pity and guilt aren’t actually part of my lack of understanding for that person. Does that make sense? It’s late.
June 25th, 2008 at 5:11 am
Oh Mrs Chicken! Your Dad and I are on the same wavelength. I thought I coined the phrase, “What price is my sanity?” but perhaps many of us all over the world have had the same idea!
We all have different pregnancies, though. Perhaps your house cleaner doesn’t have an aching crotch? Or severe anemia? For some, they are completely energised at 32 weeks and others get very tired. In your position I would have felt just the way you did, but I am proud of you for spending the money to save your sanity.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:18 pm
It looks like I’d be late to the party to say you obviously needed the break and sometimes we just have to let go. I would have felt the exact same way that you did.