My midwife called me 30 minutes before my appointment yesterday morning.
I had one leg in my shorts and the other in the air, The Poo was yelling about wanting to paint, and I had to skip my shower because we were running late.
Did I mention it was 8:45 a.m.?
She asked me if the perinatologist had called yet, about putting me on insulin. I said no, and saying I was annoyed that she was asking me this question when I was going to see her in a half-hour is putting it mildly.
Then she said this:
“Your due date is August 15, right?”
“Umm, yesssss,” I replied. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, the doc has to go out of town from the seventh to the ninth,” she said.
“Yeah, so?”
“So we have to reschedule your c-section.”
I dropped my toothbrush in the sink and started to pay attention.
Turns out my doc - who I’ve seen exactly once and who gave me contradictory information about my diabetes - has to be out of town for a deposition.
If there are two words in the English language that don’t go together when you are six weeks from having your belly sliced open to extract your child, they are “OB” and “deposition.”
My sister assures me that all doctors get sued, but this is combined with the fact that this afternoon a trusted friend and local doula told me my midwife hates her job because she doesn’t enjoy working for “an insane person.”
Um? That insane person?
THAT IS MY DOCTOR. THE ONE WHO IS ALSO BEING SUED.
I probably over-reacted, but I was pissed and I told my midwife exactly that at my appointment. I wanted that date (08-08-08) and we have five people coming into town for the birth.
And honestly? This has been a hard pregnancy for me. The diabeetus has been tough, and now I am starting to throw ketones, which means I am basically starving myself.
I am very anemic and if my iron falls another another decimal, I’m look at a post-surgery transfusion.
I have a pain in my upper right chest that is excruciating. I can’t walk because my hooha hurts. I can’t breathe, or sleep or even eat a fucking slice of watermelon without getting heartburn so bad it makes me want to cry.
Today I had to buy EXTRA LARGE SHORTS for my EXTRA LARGE ASS.
I’m D-O-N-E. I want this pregnancy over sooner rather than later. Granted, they only want to push my date forward to the 11th, but still.
That is two more days of misery.
More than that, though, is that I am feeling out of control.
I don’t want to have this baby so far from home. In the next 18 months we will adjust to being a family of four, my husband will have to finish his dissertation, and we will have to put our house for sale and move.
Again. Moving here was not my decision, not by a long shot. My husband chose this school, and so we had to live in this town. I was his hostage to fortune.
He’ll tell you that if the opportunity came for me to move somewhere for my dreams, he would drop everything and we’d go. That’s very convenient for him to say, because, frankly, the odds of me landing a job at The New York Times or The Boston Globe ended the day I tendered my resignation from the small-town newspaper I worked at for five years.
And you know what? We have to go where the job is, whether that is back home, Alaska, North Dakota, Michigan, L.A., or Bumblefuck, Georgia.
The one thing, the one single thing I was able to control was the date of my c-section.
I know that sounds so silly. However, I have had enough therapy am self-aware enough to know that, in the end, I feel like I need to be able to control something, just this one little thing.
I can’t even have that.
My midwife is wonderful, and she asked the doctor’s secretary to call the lawyer and try to re-arrange the date of the deposition. She listened to me rant, didn’t laugh when I got teary, and made sure I felt like she understood that I was disappointed, and, most important, why I was disappointed.
So it’s looking like the 11th, instead of my hoped-for lucky day.
Oh, well. Silver lining? Maybe my FIL won’t be able to make it.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 am
I’m sorry to hear that things may not go as planned, but maybe the 11th will be an even luckier birth date! I’m crossing my fingers that it all works out for the best.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:22 am
Maybe your boy will come on the 8th anyway. They do have other doctors there to cover, I hope?
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 am
Since you’re not terribly attached to this doctor, maybe it might be appropriate to just change to another doctor? It might be good to listen to your instincts. I had a dentist once who literally ended up killing someone. I didn’t pick up on a darn thing, mainly because he was drop-dead georgeous (boy, is that a freudian slip!) But I switched dentists even so.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:41 am
In the long run, old media is going to die. You are writing on the right platform. Finding the places to be heard seems to the the trick… but you’ve got the hardest bit sorted - you write wonderfully.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:35 am
aw, I’m sorry!
Did you find out what the deposition was about? (I can’t believe his staff told anyone WHY he had to be out of the office!!)
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:32 am
Both my kids had scheduled c-sections, but the second came earlier. I am a huge planner myself and would have felt the same way (not to mention the concern over the deposition) about the due date - I LOVE cool numbers like 08-08-08. But, you just don’t know, maybe Shaggy will arrive on 08-04-08. That’s still a pretty cool number (and just so happens to be my anniversary).
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:22 am
Nooooooo! Can’t you switch doctors? I mean, really. You are not healthy as long as this pregnancy continues. Pushing it back doesn’t seem to be a good idea. Call around and see if anyone at all would take you on the 8th instead.
I am so, so sorry. I know how much the ending of a hard pregnancy means.
Please, do call around.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 am
i feel you on the lack of control. hang in there…i hope you’re able to find a solution that makes you feel comfortable.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:31 am
Perhaps your doctor is going to be an expert witness and not a party to the deposition. If you are so uncomfortable, I would ask your midwife who else she works with. Is it a practice with more than one OB?
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:55 am
Oh my. This is a small town, but there are several different practitioners here. Maybe your friend/doula can help you identify whether you have any better options for care now and when you give birth? Your MW sounds wonderful. I’m sure you’d miss her, but I’m also sure that she would support you if after weighing your options you chose to go elsewhere for care.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:01 am
Maybe you’ll go into labor on the 8th….my dear beloved Dr. Nelson scheduled me for 4-14 after my external inversion didn’t do anything (except hurt)”but I’m going to a conference this weekend in Florida, so if anything happens, Dr. Lane will take care of you….” WHAT??? Yes, Palm Sunday (4-4) I had the opportunity to meet Dr. Lane and all went well. I wish you all the best!
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:13 am
Mrs.C call today and ask them to put you on Protonix. It is for heartburn and it is truly amazing. For the last 2 pregnancies I cried drinking water I had such bad heartburn and when the Zantac 150 quit working this time, the switched me to Protonix. My mid-wife said she never had someone tell her it didn’t work. I rolled my eyes and thought I’ll be your first. But to my surprise this one little yellow pill in the morning works all the way through the night. I can’t believe that I have 10 weeks left and I am able to eat and drink. It is amazing how much better I feel about everything when my body isn’t on fire. I can even eat spicy foods.
Anyway, I am so sorry about your 8-8-08 date. Maybe you will go into labor on 8-7-08 and you will get your way. Maybe FIL won’t make it.
Can you imagine no FIL and no heartburn!
Hang in there sweetie.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:28 am
My (considerable) experience has been that one spouse moves for the other repeatedly. It is not that the other isn’t “willing,” but two careers can’t be trashed alternatively. It is easier to just totally trash one.
I know how frustrating the end of pregnancy can be, and this must just feel awful.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 am
You poor girl. You are having a rough time of it!
Be careful with those Ketones, I know it’s so difficult with the heartburn, but you have to eat and keep your insulin level.
I feel so bad for you…take care of you!!
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 am
oh, a. i’m sorry.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 am
Oh, I am so sorry. You sound beyond uncomfortable…you are in the home stretch though. Just a little longer and you’ll have your body back all to yourself. Hang in there!
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:10 am
oh that SUCKS. I am so sorry. Yes, I’ll join the others in hoping that Shaggy decides to take matters into his own hands and show up (just a little) early!
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:47 am
Okay, here’s the easy question: Why don’t you switch doctors? There are a ton of OB/GYN’s in this town. Mine was wonderful and did both c-sections. She’s outgoing and enthusiastic and had great bedside manner.
I’ve never heard of a doctor seeing his/her patient only once during the pregnancy. It should be at least every other visit.
Take control of your pregnancy and find a better doctor right away.
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 am
I am so sorry, Mrs. C.
I can’t wait until he’s here and you feel better.
(I remember feeling that way, especially with my second pregnancy. I wish I could make it better.)
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:03 am
Delurking here just to say ~ I’d be pissed, too. And probably finding a new OB?
I’m pregnant as a surrogate mom ~ my fourth pregnancy. We have to have a scheduled C~section, also. I was hoping for a Friday (for logistical reasons mostly ~ babysitting, work schedules, etc) but the babies’ parents checked the stars and found out the moon will be in Scorpio that day. Aparently that’s a bad day for surgery.
So the only time out of four labor/deliveries that I can a) have no labor and b) pick a time that’s convenient for me, I can’t.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
I think you just located the silver lining in the cloud, kiddo!
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
I don’t think it would hurt to call around and see what your options are. I wish this wasn’t happening to you. I’ll call you later.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
Are there no other doctors in his practice?? What if someone died and he had to leave town, or he was sick? Surely someone competent is available on your day. And it sounds like you aren’t attached to having him personally in charge of it anyway.
I’m sorry!! I remember when I scheduled my induction via the nurse, and at my appointment the next week the doctor said she had no record of it and therefore it couldn’t happen that soon. I was SO DONE being pregnant I burst into tears. Then they found the appointment. But still, it was a super stresser I did not need, so I know how you feel.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
Maybe the baby won’t wait and will come on that date? I mean he is a captive audience so I suggest you start your mothering early and convience him to come 08-08-08.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:24 am
I’m sorry that you are dealing with that. I’m surprised that they told you he had a deposition. Perhaps they did that for a reason? To encourage you to switch? Although I can only imagine it would be difficult so late in the game.
I hope you feel as comfortable as possible. And I totally understand the going where the job is. That is why for now, we are in Erie. But hopefully that will change within the next few years!
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:26 am
Unbe-frickin’-lievable. I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with this. Thinking happy tboughts for you from VA…and also checking your blog obsessively for new developments.
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:35 am
God this sucks. I’m sorry. Maybe Shaggy will still come on the 8th? Or another date altogether. I know what you mean about lack of control though. I’m the same.
Hang in there!
July 2nd, 2008 at 11:42 am
Honey, I want to give you the biggest hug and make everything OK.That’s all.
We ALL got your back, sister.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
How far away is “out of town?”
If it’s not too far, and you don’t decide to switch doctors, I’d sure as hell go pull that lawsuit. Yikes.
(I am, of course, the paranoid freak who runs any new doctor by the medical reporter, just in case…)
Hope you find a solution you’re comfortable with.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Oh honey, I so understand. It is very painful to be at the whim of fate. And deep in a difficult pregnancy is no place to feel so out of control. Hoping things start falling into place a little better for you. Remember, NUMBER ONE priority is taking care of you and that Shaggy boy (ok, followed closely by the Poo).
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Oh, A., so sorry you’re going through this.
What, they don’t have another doctor to perform surgery that day? I think that’s total b.s. You shouldn’t have to get bumped - your delivery is considered a medical emergency, no?
And the heartburn - I had a huge bottle of Tums on my nightstand through both pregnancies. I feel for you.
We need to get together soon. I’ve missed seeing you.
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
holy cow- I totally feel for you. yuck yuck and yuck. Can’t they do it a day or so earlier? Why three days later?
And about the moving to wherever the fates take you. I understand that completely. We’re in the same position- both my husband and I are grad students here, and we’ve gotta move where the jobs are too.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:02 pm
If this boy knows what is good for him, he’ll make his appearance on the 8th.
And is there another doctor in the practice that could do the C-section?! (Although I’m sure you already asked, I’m just letting you know I’d be AS annoyed and disappointed.)
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:14 pm
CRAP! I was hoping they would move it forward by a few days.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I meant move it back……..duh. Like the 5th or sooner.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Ugh, I’m sorry. Two day is two years when you’re pregnant.
But - the 11th is Dave’s birthday. That’s cool, no?
No. It’s not. Sorry.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I know what you mean about the date. I was given a date LONG before the actual birth, and it’s kinda like you own it…hopefully the court date will get changed. Depositions and such are notorious for delayed, rescheduled, etc.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Oh my, dear. I know how that feels and hope you can get it all out, and things work out for your original date. Thinking of you…
Steph
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
P.S. when I said I know how that feels, I meant the hating not being in control. And maybe the part about your hoo ha.
Setph
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Sounds like the morning from hell.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:03 pm
doctors get sued by people if the wind blows wrong. I wouldn’t freak.
and I am sorry something fierce about that hoo ha
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
There is more than one reason someone has to be deposed.
However, I certainly would be finding out what his one reason is. Part of me is thinking that it is nothing since they gave up that information so easily. Another part of me is thinking that I wouldn’t be comfortable until I knew for sure.
That, is just me though, and this isn’t in any way about me.
I am sorry this has been so rough for you. When I was reading this, I couldn’t help bu think of this:
My father told me the weeks leading up to my wedding, “No matter what happens or what goes wrong, at the end of the day, you are going to be married, and that’s what it is all about anyway.”
I kept that advice ringing in my ear for the last few weeks of my pregnancy. No matter what went “wrong” according to my plan, or how uncomfortable I was - there was an end to it, and at that end, was my baby.
Thinking of you often.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
No! I can’t celebrate my birthday knowing Henry is still torturing you from the inside! It just won’t be the same…
Hugs to you. Sorry this whole being a human incubator thing sucks balls sometimes.
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I don’t think you’re silly at all! I was so freaked out about labor when I had my son because I knew that in reality, what happened would happen and I had no control! I totally understand why you’d be upset/sad about it. I was also wondering if there might be another doctor that can do it. Because really, that is a totally awesome date. Plus you don’t seem too attached to your doctor, so maybe you could find a better one?
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:23 am
I’m sorry, that sucks. Are there no other doctors in the practice who can do the c-section?
When I had to have my c-section, the date given to us was a day Aaron was under contract for a performance. So we had to call back and argue that we needed a different day because he wasn’t going to miss his first child being born.
We got the date switched with another doctor doing the surgery - turned out I loved her so much she’s now my regular GYN and I saw her for my second pregnancy.
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I’m with everyone who says “run as fast as you can to ANOTHER doc!” You don’t happen to have Dr. T— ends in pin? I’ve heard of people who work with her calling her insane so I thought you might have her….I would not, not, not have her as my OB. Good luck!
July 4th, 2008 at 9:11 am
Girl, you need a drink. Obviously you can’t have one (well, you probably could, but I’m guessing with all of that going on you won’t), so I will take the bullet for you and drink extra just for you tonight. I’ll be your designated drinker. So sorry you’re in such misery. It sucks. I would say hang in there but I’m sure you’re sick to death of hearing that.
The 11th of August is an AWESOME date though. I should know, it’s my birthday
July 6th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I’m so sorry. You know I’ve been down this road. No one should be able to fuck with your plans this late in the game. It may only be a couple of days but it represents so much more.
July 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
[...] I did want to mention is that in six weeks I’ll be splayed open on an operating table while a crazy lady with a knife pulls my son into this world by his [...]
July 7th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
OK, that PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
08-11-08 is a very pretty date too though (graphic designer talking). Oh, and speaking of, I am happy to design announcements for you if you don’t have that covered already. xoxox
P.S. How are you feeling with the insulin?
July 7th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Five words you kind of don’t want to hear?
“On the academic job market”
I, too, am married to an academic. If you end up in Michigan, you and husband and Poo and Shaggy have friends.
I pray that it’s not Denton, Texas. We narrowly escaped that one.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am
[...] Good news? I had a contraction while I was on the fetal monitor - might I still get my lucky date? [...]