I am a total bore.
*holds up hands*
No, really, I am.
I want to write something stirring, or lovely, or melancholy about the upcoming shift in my family, but I just can’t.
I’m all out of words, at least the good ones. I wrote three columns, an essay and two sidebars for publication yesterday and the well is, like, so very, very dry.
Even worse, nothing new happened here today.
It was the same as every damn day, which is, I suppose, for the best. Mr. C went to work. The Poo went to school. I went to the OB.
I did find out that I have to go the the doctor twice a week between now and when I give birth – one visit I will get a limited sonogram, and the other will include being hooked up to the fetal monitor.
Yippee.
I did finally find out why it feels like there is something stuck underneath my ribs on the right side of my body.
And that’s because there is a very large, human FOOT stuck underneath my ribs on my right side.
That’s it. That’s all there is to see here today.
Wendy’s tweet that she feels like some bloggers are getting fewer comments rang true for me, if only because I am SO FUCKING BORING right now. I am even BORING MYSELF.
So do me a wee favor, eh? Leave me a comment? Delurk? Tell me something funny, or tragic or interesting or just plain NOT BORING.
Because people. I am NINE MILLION DAYS PREGNANT. My husband is leaving for ITALY WITHOUT ME in 10 days. My MOTHER-IN-LAW is coming for TEN DAYS. My RIGHT FOOT is SWOLLEN. My mom and sister are at Indian Neck Beach WITHOUT ME.
And I know there are FOUR HUNDRED of you out there. Can we push me over the 100-comment mark?
And I am SO FUCKING BORED.
Entertain me.
Pleaaaassseeeeee?
*whines and eats a WASA cracker*
PS – If I get to 100 comments, I’ll send No. 100 a Starbucks card. SOMEONE should be able to have a FRICKIN’ LATTE. DAMN DIABEETUS.
***EDITED****
Instead of sending a card to No. 100, I’ll choose a winner at random. That seems more fair. XOXOX
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Delurking, with a funny story for you… one which has become an urban legend in just a few short years, but which, at it’s heart, actually is true:
A mom and her son went to the St Louis Zoo to see the new, amazing Penguin house, back when it was new (it’s still amazing!). The son had had some health issues with his lungs, and he got tired easily, but they had learned to deal with it. He also had an obsession with his backpack, and he wore it EVERYWHERE. The penguin house was as amazing as they had been told- the penguins were right there, so close and loud and cool! And the puffins, in the next room, were so adorable and friendly and right there! When they got outside, the son said that he was tired and wanted to go home. The mom, of course, didn’t argue, and into the car they went. When they got home, the son ran right on upstairs and started to run himself a bath. Now, kiddo had never taken a bath voluntarily in his life, so the mom knew something was up. She went up to check it out, and there in her bathtub… was a puffin! I guess that backpack came in handy.
In other words, I guess, enjoy “boring” while you have it!
Sending you lots of beachy love from the shores of Honolulu. For real.
The ninth month of pregnancy should be illegal. Amen.
Okay, something not boring…
Saturday we were at a cookout and when the menfolk couldn’t get the fire lit my husband offered us up to go fetch supplies. We left my daughter (17 months old with friends the first time leaving her with a non-family member).
We got back ten minutes later to find that she wasn’t there. They let some friends of THEIRS take her. The woman said “I offered to go with but they said they didn’t want me to. They’d rather take her by themselves.”
And then things got so much worse.
She’s okay. We’re okay. No one was killed. I still think I might punch someone in the face though.
Not too much going on anywhere I don’t think…we’re smack in the middle of the lazy days of summer. However, could someone tell me how my son’s bday party that was going to be “small and quaint” has suddenly turned into the darn circus??
Girl, you crack me up!
Your life is anything but boring. You do whine a bit but I always enjoy reading your posts.
Hmm, maybe that means my life is boring!
Kathy from Washington State
You’re not boring. I don’t check boring people’s websites mulitple times a day
Hope that the rest of the pregnancy goes super fast!
(delurking)
I feel your pain. In January I too was 9 million days pregnant with gestational diabetes. I *begged* my OB to do my cesarian (baby was breech and folded up like a taco) in January. I had to wait until 2/7 and I almost had to wait until 2/12 because the specialist’s nurse and my OB had a “miscommunication”.
Hang in there!!!
(delurking here too)
Just wanted to let you know I love your blog. Hoping you are feeling better. Whine all you want you have every reason to be cranky !!
Delurking…
I love your blog, woman. And as for your recent boredome/suckage…my Dad recently offered this to me upon hearing my whining about work woes lately: In life, sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug.
Now ain’t that the truth. You’re the bug now, but when Shaggy comes you’ll totally be the windshield…takin’ names and lovin’ life!
“Knock, knock…”
I’ve got nothing. Hope your day is more exciting, expecially since you’re approaching 100 comments!
Listen here, Little Missy. We don’t get what we just just because we whine about it.
You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.
Anymore whining and Momma will turn this car around. Right. Now.
Don’t make me come up there.
No more whining, and I mean it! (anybody want a peanut?) Sorry…I always tend to revert to misquoting The Princess Bride when I’m frustrated.
Ooops. I guess none of these apply here, and since you got a comment out of me, you didn’t learn anything about not whining.
Hang in there!!
DiaBEEtus…hee hee. I thought I was the only one who noticed that type of stuff.
It will end. Promise. Keep your chin and your boobs up, you’ll be fine
Delurking here for the possibility of free caffeine.
I am being held hostage by 3 children who have started figuring out that they can work together and execute a plan of attack.
Please help me!
I’ve got nothing witty or funny- I’m teaching a class that borders on mind-numbing, and the numbers are dropping fast. Only 9 students left. Think I can scare off the others before the end of the summer
It’s too bad you can’t pop him out earlier. I consider my wife lucky (talented or amazing maybe?) for popping out ours 7 days earlier than expected.
Anyway… every time you talk about the diabeetus, it makes me think of the Wilford Brimley remix videos on YouTube, like this one:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=2hNu1I9r_1A
Sorry sister…I got nothin’. My life is boring right now too.
My cat did throw up in my tart burner last night though. Thank god I noticed before I turned it on! I can’t imagine what it would have smelled like.
YOU are entertaining.
So, how about I love your blog? It all started way back this winter when I realized I was pregnant, and was doing some googling for women dishing out advice on how to make it through this thing called pregnancy, just after I had realized I wasn’t going to be a very nice pregnant woman. I’m due on the 31st of this month, with what they say will be a sweet fuzzy headed little girl. I don’t believe them, because it REALLY feels like a boy, and it also really feels like it might be part demon, or monster, or something very very very strange and certainly not sweet or precious. It has been both the most wonderful (that’s bull$#!*) experience and the most draining; READ: it’s Terrifying!!!
And afterwards go to Barnes and Noble (if you have one?) and sit and read magazines for an hour while your little bit looks at story books. Better yet, go to one that has a story hour…and let her be a little bit unruly if you must. But she won’t, ’cause the pool will wear her out…
I’m still a student,undergrad, and although I go to a VERY good school, I have felt so very out of place during my pregnancy, which is worsened by the fact that my mother is 7.5 hours away, and I miss her like, well. Your blog has really helped me find little things to giggle at and enjoy about every single crazy day.
Your first post I read was “Nothing says I love you like Charleston Chews,” and even though I had never ever even tried Charleston Chews (I suspect I may be a teensy bit younger than you…- I’m 22…) I definitely thought I was going to die if I didn’t get my hands on some. So I ventured out for my first pregnant solo shopping experience, and scoured the earth for Charleston Chews. They ARE good, don’t get me wrong, but they didn’t stick like all the other pregnancy tastes I acquired on that day wandering around in the grocery store (like Cap’n Crunch with olives…yum!). Anyway,I have bookmarked at that specific entry into your blog though, just because I loved it so much, and I always see it before I navigate to your most recent writings, which have been something definite for me to look forward to. It gives me an interesting starting point for which to look at your entries though, and it seems like you’ve navigated away from one misery to another, and I’m sure now you are hating me for bringing up the Charleston Chews, with the “Diabeetus” as you say.
I think, that since your days are stinking so incredibly much, you should take my recipe for a nice afternoon and give it a try:
you should hop off to the pool for *a while* and really relax. That doesn’t mean playing mommy tugboat, or ‘catch me when I jump in’ or ‘DID you see me splash????’, but really really relaxing with some floaties(noodles I think they’re called?) under each arm and sunblock on the noses, and anywhere else you can reach
I chose B&N for relaxing for several reasons- they always ALWAYS keep their bathroom clean, they have a cafe with comfy seats, it’s air conditioned, and they have reading selections (as nice as any library around where I am, at least).
And hey, if you think I’m crazy, and it sounds boring and I sound stupid and young, just take some Tylenol and channel all of your discomfort my way: I will take it to the pool myself.
Let’s see – the storm the night ater you were here knocked our power out or 4 hours causing the sump pump to quit and the back up didn’t last 4 hours. The basement flooded and the clean up crew revealed hidden extensive mold from the time three years ago that the basement flooded and the clean up crew didn’t do what they were supposed to. Plus the urnace is emitting a constant medium loud squeal, the fridge got struck by lightening and isn’t working, and I’m going without a paycheck for 25 days EVEN though I ended my last job on Friday and started the new job on Monday.
Wow. Who knew all it took was a little pick-me-up from Starbucks to bring everybody together?
Coffee or no, I still think you’re exciting.
I was coming here to post before I finished reading and saw you are giving away Starbucks to some lucky commenter.
I read you daily, don’t comment lots (or maybe I do) as I don’t want to seem like a stalker….or at least that is what I feel like at times.
Hmmm, something tragic or funny…..Giggles, my 13.5 yo daughter, has been feeling pretty low and unappreciated this summer by her friends. We had this long talk about if you call your friends you won’t be seem needy and desparate, they are probably feeling the same way you are. We chat about how all teenage girls (okay maybe just me) feel that way in the summer. Plus its hot and you have all these other issues and summer sometimes isn’t as fun as it is to your younger sister. Finally when we finish talking I asked her if she had any questions.
“Just one Mom” she says “Do I really have to call my friends….can’t I just text them”
Grrrr! I think texting teenagers are tragic. But thankfully she did text her friends and got to hang out for bit and felt much better. (altho today she never changed out of her pj’s. She said it was too hot. UGH!)
Nice try, but you couldn’t possibly be boring. Since when is a human foot lodged in a ribcage boring? Honestly.
I’m in California and it’s over a hundred degrees and the whole state seems to be on fire. And it’s… muggy. I’m not sure what to make of that. It’s a new sensation for us Californians, and I have to say I’m not too keen on it so far. How on earth does one get anything done when the air is squishing your brain?
Anyway, good luck with the next few weeks. Here’s something silly, if you haven’t seen it before:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wSqFqhUzutg
Dude. I just googled the word orgasming to see if I spelled it right in a tweet (I did.) Anyway, in the search I found this (non-porno) advice site in which a woman was asking for advice about why she orgasms every time she uses her fucking AB ROLLER.
HA!
Talk about motivation to work out.
If I win for a comment about exercise orgasms, I’m DEFINITELY getting a super-sugary iced latte.
xo
You aren’t boring! growing a baby takes a lot out of you. Cut yourself some slack and try and rest up, especially when the MIL gets there. Lie on the bed watching daytime soaps and eating chocolate. God, I want to do that right now and I’m not even pregnant!
Oh man! I feel your pain! My son was an August baby and nothing sucks more than being fat and boring inthe sweltering summer heat!
uck, I was that pregnant in winter, I have no clue how you are doing it!
I will give you one of my favorite summer camp ditties. The Poo may like it.
Said…really really fast.
“Did you ever kiss your hunny when your nose was kinda runny well if you think it’s kinda funny its’not.”
You seem pretty interesting to me!
I’ll do just about anything for Starbucks!
Seriously, hang in there…those late days of pregnancy are tough. ((hugs)))
Hmm… I don’t think I have anything tragic or funny to tell you. But I can completely understand being Nine Million Days pregnant with #2 who has his foot stuck into your rib cage! That was me only 7 weeks ago. Fun times, eh?
BUT I do love your blog and read daily! Like you, my DH (finally) got his PhD in a town FAR FAR from our families a few years ago, so I feel you.
Hang in there! Soon there won’t be a foot kicking you from inside and hopefully, you’ll feel all the better for it!
I don’t comment for just anyone, but since you asked…the most interesting thing that happened to me today is that the baby took a 3 hour nap. IT’S A NEW MOTHER’S MIRACLE.
Boring? Not you!
Now, me? That’s boring! The day I got 9 comments I about peed my pants!!
Mrs. Chicken, you should be commended for getting a crapload of writing/columns out of the way. And if you’re interested, post birth, I’ll carry in the dessert of your choice (just tell me what you want).
My big even today was trying to find a flipping store in C-U that sells big girl bras that don’t fall apart in three days. We furrowed our brows at the mall since the speciality undergarment stores and department stores have limited qualities (apparently they assume if you’re a 38 DD you’re a grandma) and ended up at Confidentially Yours, where we got names I haven’t seen since I could shop at Nordstrom’s.
So my friend and I were chatting about how we’ll drop loads of cash on the kids without a thought but paying $40 for a bra seemed insane… she bought one, I just got sized. Turns out that unlike Oprah, I was at least able to figure that life mystery out on my own, which is a shock since I can’t open a box of triscuits without using scissors. I keep thinking that someone’s going to find out about that and take away my graduate degree.
“You can’t have this because you can’t open that box of triscuits with your opposable thumbs, dumbass!”
Can I ask how Mr. Chicken feels about going to Italy? Is he terrified you’ll go into labor? Is he happy to get away? Is it work so he’s — meh about it?
Let’s see…something entertaining…yeah, unfortunatly we don’t do that kind of thing here. Every day is painfully the same.
However, today I was trying to teach my daughter to say “peaches” while reading her a book o’ fruit. She’s not quite two, and kept screaming “BITCHES! BITCHES!” with sheer glee. That was kinda funny. But that’s all I got.
Sending you hugs!
Because I love you…
I’ve got a bankish type joke for you, with love from one of my customers:
A bank robber walks into a bank with a ski mask on. As he makes his way to the first teller, he slip and falls on the tile floor. He hits his head and his ski mask flies off. After picking himself up off the floor and replacing his mask, he turns to the first man in line and asks him if he saw his face. The man answers yes. The robber shoots him. He turns to the next person in line: a woman. When the robber asks if she saw his face, she replys, “No but my Husband did.”
You’re welcome.
You are not boring. And besides, someday when the child currently kicking your ribs is thirteen, you can use all of this for inducing guilt. Instead of saying you were in labor for 46 hours, you can mention the loooong months you went without sugar and Starbucks, and suffered quietly, all for this future teenagers health, and now said teenager will not even clean her room after all the suffering you experienced…
boring … no way i love your blog! you want boring come visit mine… all i have to talk about is the upcoming and tv…
i am pregnant and it’s summer… i am out of excuses!!
i so heart you.
definitely. not. boring.
Okay, Mrs Whiney Bored Cracker Eater you officially sound like my four year old. You two should totally hang out.
Sorry about the foot in your lung though. That sounds sucky.
Regarding comment numbers, have been commenting less, even on blogs I read every day (like yours), because I feel like I am just adding to the guilt/obligation some feel about managing comments. I try to only comment if I feel like I have something interesting to add or find something really touching. Or if someone asks for comments and offers a starbucks gift card
I never comment, but read often and not bored at all. I just had my second baby a little over a week ago. No interesting stories, but I was quite excited to discover the gestational diabetes I was diagnosed with at 6 weeks pregnant, went away immediately!! I checked my blood sugar an hour after eating WAY TOO MANY OREO’S and it was only 119!! That’s something to look forward to- I’m assuming you have GD, but haven’t been reading that long so am not sure?
I am sitting here pumping for the 6th time today (3 month old exclusively breastmilk fed baby that won’t latch is sitting in the swing). I totally inderstand how long those last days of pregnancy are. I was also pg during the summer almost 4 years ago (Aug.’04 Kiddo) so I understand the discomfort with that too.
Hang in there Hon. You are far from boring. I wouldn’t check in every day if you were.
Soon enough all this will be behind you and you’ll be holding that sweet baby in your arms. And no matter how well or how poorly breastfeeding goes, you will still have the joy of two beautiful children and you will do the best you can. And that is more than enough.
(((big hugs)))
sweet fancy moses look at all of these comments!
Oh, and btw? skinny sugar free lattes….just saying…
Delurking to say, hang in in there. Spending the summer pregnant isn’t fun. I remember with #4 wanting this whole game to over way sooner than it actually was. Sending cyber hugs your way.
Ask and you received. I have nothing entertaining to say post staging exhaustion…wish I did.
Hang in there…
Hey! 93, here!!
You suck? Nuh uh… I haven’t posted in a month!! I SUCK!!
You rock, even when you’re whining.
*smooch*
Bored? I wish I was. There’s been entirely too much excitement around my way lately. Take comfort in the fact that I, for one, am extremely jealous of your lack of drama.
I’m way more boing than you. Our life is basically: breakfast, park, lunch, “rest time” (since she doesn’t fight that like she does nap, even though she still naps everyday), pool, dinner, TV time, and bed. Occasionally, I get wild and through in a playgroup.
And I have no excuse for being boring, I’m not even pregnant. I am just boring
Life here is not boring, but there’s more irony than I like in life though. Fertility treatments suck. Everyone is pregnant around here and I just keeping hoping my ovaries don’t explode. Work is the farthest thing from my mind but my annual review is next week. It’s getting hot. And you should listen to my hubby try to teach our 2 year old relaxation techniques. hahahaha
I do feel bad for you that only one foot is swollen…I hate asymetry. Hang in there for all of us!
96 comments!? This makes 97…you’re so close!!
I am laughing my head off right now! You are so far from boring, even with this post!
While I am not pregnant (at least I don’t think so you could cross your fingers for me though) I sympathize. I sympathize even more that your Hubby is leaving (mine just got back from a very long time away), and even more that your MIL is coming to stay…that I could never, ever handle!
Number 99 unless someone pushes submit before I do. I can not think of anything that isn’t boring…..good luck.
Awwww, cause I’m 100!
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