I just watched my husband drive away, headed for O’Hare.
His bags were packed last night, and for the first time in many weeks, we were able to just be a family for a few hours.
I remembered, in those moments, why it is that I married the man. His test is over, his presentations for his international conference are completed, the journal he edited this summer is published.
He was a different man, the one I fell in love with all those years ago. Eleven years, to be exact, on Aug. 10. The day before our second child is born, we will have been together for more than a decade.
I remember that first date. I placed a personal ad in our local alternative weekly newspaper, long before Internet dating made such antics socially acceptable.
I met 15 men, all in the same small coffeehouse that no longer exists.
Mr. Chicken was my first date out of all those men, and he was also the last.
He was younger than I, 24 to my oh-so-worldly-26. He is fond of telling new friends that I was a keeper - after all, I fell for him when he was unemployed and didn’t even have a car.
Balding, goatee - and a musician. Three strikes, I thought to myself, as we sat at the small metal table outside the cafe.
Later I would learn that he hates to eat outside. But he sat there, in the blazing August heat, and we talked and talked.
Or rather, I talked and talked and he listened.
I was nervous; he was attentive.
Our second date sealed the deal. A meal at a Mexican restaurant (he hates Mexican) and a viewing of CopLand, the first of many, many movies we’d see together over the next few years. Our love of film brought us together in many ways.
Now we’re married.
Last night I stood and watched him cuddle our daughter on the guest bed. He looked at me with serious eyes.
“I don’t want to go,” he said.
“I know,” I sighed. I took his hand. “It seems like we’re always saying, ‘this too shall pass.’ I’m waiting for the good stuff to get here so we can stop saying that.”
He rubbed my belly, and patted my hand.
“These are the good things,” he said. “We’re married. That’s a good thing.”
And so it is.
This morning as he prepared for his departure to a land across the sea, I watched with a heavy heart. I’m 36 weeks pregnant today, and I am alone here in Chambana for the next two days, before my MIL arrives to mind me while I continue gestating in her son’s absence.
We’ve had a tough summer, my husband and I. Tensions were high. Each believed the other to be withholding support. We tried to shield the other from the very real worries and concerns we carried in our hearts these past few months.
We argued. I felt a gap widening.
Strangely, today as I watched him drive away in the bright morning sun, the gap closed.
I miss my husband.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Aw. What a nice post. Sending anti-lonely vibes your way.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:37 am
That was beautiful - I teared up. I’ll send some more anti-lonely vibes your way as soon as I go hug my husband.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Thanks for this post. In a week feeled with mile-long lists of things to do, I needed a reminder that THIS is life, and NOW is what we enjoy. The future is so uncertain, and so often I waste my real life waiting for the future life to begin.
I hope your hubby gets home soon…
July 18th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I meant “filled” not “feeled”…I don’t know what’s wrong with me today!
July 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I’m totally bawling right now. I miss my guy too. I’m here totally willing to help out with anything to make this week go by faster than a speeding bullet!
July 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am
a lovely tribute to the realness of relationships, to the wisdom of your husband in knowing that this IS the good stuff even when it doesn’t quite measure up to how we imagined things.
enjoy your two days with just you & the Poo. and i hope hubby gets home pretty soon?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:13 am
I never miss my husband more than when he’s walking out the door, no matter how stresful the buildup has been (he’s leaving me Monday for a business trip with TWO children here in my care for the first time). Here’s to a joyful reunion!
July 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
He’s a good man, that Mr. C. Ten years is a long time, but also a drop in the bucket. Hoping he has an uneventful flight there and back and brings you and the Poo a dandy present back from Italy.
I’ll be missing my own hubby when he departs for CA on Wed. He’ll miss our daughter’s 5th birthday. And he’s still recovering from his peri-tonsilar abscess.
He and I have been together for 15 years, married for 12 come Oct. We, too, bonded over film (and comics). Still, our favorite date is to go to the movies. We entertain ideas of going to Toronto’s film festival (which we may do within the next couple of years).
If my MIL wasn’t arriving w/in the next 4 hours, I’d call you up and set up a playdate. Instead, we’ll just have to wait until next Fri.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
The Prof and I have been together for 11 years too as of June 26. And here we are now, married and expecting our first child. It’s crazy.
I’m sure the homecoming will be great when he returns. Be well!
July 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
What a lovely post– here’s to a safe trip and a speedy return.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
wow… i am sitting here at work all choked up and teary eyed…
“these are the good things” is something my husband would also say… i can relate totally. and he sometimes unexpectedly has to travel for his job - i know that kind of goodbye.
you are very lucky to have him, although it is not fun now, missing him will make it the best reunion when he gets home!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I had a long comment, then deleted it. Let’s just say you have stirred up feelings in me that reminded me of when hubby was in the service. Hugs to you!! Not too hard of a hug tho, Shaggy needs to cook longer!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
That was beautifully put. Relationships are real, they have ups and downs but there is always something that reminds us why we are in them.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I got all teared up too. What a beautiful post. It’s so hard to be on your own, but sometimes it really reminds you why everything else is worth it. Good luck over the next 2 days, hopefully the time will fly by until he gets back.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
oooh… that made me cry. I really feel for you.. It’s must be so hard to be alone.
I hope time flies for you x
July 18th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
He’s a smart man. This is the stuff we’ll miss for sure when we’re old.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I’ve been in a very similar place. These little absences, as tough as they are, end up being good for our marriages, I think.
And though you might not want to hear it, he’s right… you’re in the good stuff already. It’s hard not to get lost in the waiting for arrival, but life is really the journey itself. And you won’t believe me when I tell you this, but though I’m sitting in our first real house, I REALLY miss our little grad school apartment, warts and all. That might not help you now, I know, but I say it, just in case.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
My husband is also a PhD student. The months before his orals were brutal, but the months after were wonderful. We didn’t even realize how brutal the pre-test months were until the wonderfulness of the post-test months started.
When Mr. C gets back from Italy, your post-test months can start. I hope they are as wonderful as ours were.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I love the line “gestating in his absence.” Also love the very real sentiment of gaps that widen and gaps that close. The stuff of marriage.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:30 am
It’s these little breaks from each other that really bring you closer to the hubby! Mine does not travel but there have been a few times in our marriage that the kids and I had to stay with his mom to help her out. I don’t really want to say this but the nights are the hardest. Gaps really do close when one is away!
I hope the days will pass quick for you!
July 19th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
My husband and I also started dating on August 10, 1997. Now that’s just a strange little coincidence, aint it?