My husband is finally home, but things are still out of whack.
My MIL remains with us, her plane ticket back to Washington, D.C. discarded. She was due to leave six hours before Mr. Chicken walked in the back door, and she felt sure I would go into labor the minute she left the house.
So today, her husband will drive halfway across the country to fetch her.
If I was more myself, I’d be irritated to have so much company right before our days as three come to a close. Instead, I am grateful for the extra hands, hands that have cared so well and so lovingly for me and my baby girl these past 10 days.
My body still feels wrung out from the shock, and my final gestating days are hard. I can’t breathe well, I can’t sleep at all, and contractions are washing over me in ever more frequent waves. So much so that last night I broke down and called the doctor, not sure if I was in labor or not.
I never had a single contraction with The Poo, Braxton-Hicks or otherwise. I just don’t know what to look for. But yesterday, after two hours of a tight belly and cramping, I picked up the phone.
The doctor said to come in for monitoring, and maybe we’ll just call it a day and have a baby.
Part of me panicked, not feeling secure about her judgment. The other part of me nearly wept with relief, wanting to lay eyes on this boy of mine, wanting to hold him in my arms and touch him and make sure for my own self that he is OK.
Then the contractions slowed.
We’ll see what this day brings. But the bassinet made its way upstairs to our room, and the Pack n’ Play is set up in the living room. The PJs and onesies are washed and stashed away in the changing table, and diapers and wipes stand at the ready in my caddy.
Am I prepared?
Yes and no.
This is unexplored territory, and ever since last week I feel like the earth is shifting beneath my feet, more fluid than terra firma.
I am so thankful for this community, these friendships that brought so many of you to my side during what turned from an ordinary doctor’s visit to a near-brush with mortality. I feel the force of your own anger behind mine and it gives me strength to take charge of this birth and to confront my health-care providers with a challenge to keep me and Shaggy safe.
I can never thank you enough for that.
I can never thank you enough for coming here each day and reading my words and participating in a life of the mind I thought I’d left behind many moons ago.
I wish I could do a better job of getting back to all of you personally, to say thank you from my heart. I want you to know that I am visiting you, too, and reading you and hearing you. I just don’t have the wits to comment right now. I can only hope you feel my presence.
I know Bon is back on her feet, negotiating the unfamiliar territory of a healthy third trimester. I know Jen is readying for the jungle. I know Y and Christina are struggling with unemployment and uncertainty. I know Jenn is struggling with grief.
I know my work waits for me, and that I am putting my editor and friend in a bind.
I’m there with you, as you are with me. I’m just so out of it right now.
But I love all of you, I really do. I hope you know that.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I’m glad you have the extra helping hands around and that the spouse has returned to hold your hand, help be your advocate and just be there for you.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited for you baby girl!!!!! Thinking of you all the way in Connecticut.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:48 am
So glad that you have extra hands there. It’s ok to want the help and grandma will help give Poo attention will you’re feeling tired. It seems that someone special is looking out for you these days. You’re not alone.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Sorry I’ve been MIA. Please know that even though I haven’t been commenting I’ve been here and thinking of you day and night.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I am thinking of you! Hope the little Mr. gets here soon!
Your MIL sounds like she really cares for you. Wish mine did for me.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:06 am
oh babe, i love you too. i just wish i was closer and able to come and distract you. i am thinking of you.
July 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
This is such a beautiful post. Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on! Hang in there…
July 28th, 2008 at 11:26 am
I’m glad that everyone is there with you and that you don’t have too much longer to wait. He’ll be here safe and sound soon! I can’t wait to see pictures of the big sis and little bro….
July 28th, 2008 at 11:50 am
How lovely to be surrounded by caring hands. Enjoy the help and take care of you and the little one.
July 28th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Feet up on the sofa. People (the old testament) and US (the new testament) at your fingertips because you can’t read anything other then fluff and lies at this point. Tea brought to you by anyone else and I’ll come over and paint your toes if no one else will.
July 28th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Oh Mrs C you are just so almost there. My mid-wives have always said you can’t have your baby if you feel good, you must feel like you just can’t do anymore. My friend you are there. Shaggy will come soon. Do something that make you feel relaxed. Rub some pretty lotion on your legs and belly. Exfoliate your hands and put on some clear polish (0 upkeep incase you have a baby before you can reapply).
July 28th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
We’re here to hold you up, so get some rest. In a few days there will be happy pics of that new babe.
Steph
July 28th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Oh you’re so very very near, and now you have your husband by your side. Thinking of you lots.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
So glad your husband is home. Just be glad for the extra set of hands, its always nice to have some more support.
Here’s hoping Shaggy boy comes soon.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
love you, too.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
not long now … been thinking of you lots & keep checking in on you when I’m supposed to be working !!
Commenting is SO yesterday anyway
Keep going - you’ll be amazed soon at how much time has gone past and ‘how can he possibly be 4 weeks old already?!’
love to you x
July 28th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
relief to have your husband home, and glad for the extra hands for you.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
We love you too, and we’re all here for you.
Always know that though an ocean and large chunks of a couple of continents may separate us, you’re always in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t go a single day without checking your blog.
Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Keep well, and stay strong. It’s almost over. You’ll have your baby boy soon.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I am so relieved you have help and that you’ve been willing to accept it. Tender hugs to you dear friend.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
So glad that you’re getting comfort and strength and support from all of our comments here, in addition to the more concrete support from your family there with you. We’re all there in spirit trying to carry you through, and don’t expect a thing back.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
You don’t have to explain a single thing. You just be - it’s okay.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
We love you too! I am so glad that you’re doing okay, and I hope that Shaggy comes when he should and that he’s a great baby. We all can’t wait to meet him!
July 28th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Glad to hear that Mr. Chicken is home safe and that whenever Shaggy boy decides to make his entrance he is there by your side. Hugs!! We love you too!!
July 28th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
you are awesome - I am glad your mil is staying - just the distraction is worth the extra company. Can’t wait for Shaggy to make his appearance and meet his family face to face
July 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I’m so excited for Shaggy to get here. You are so close now.
And you know? Even though we’ve never “met,” I can say that I love you too. Words are magical, aren’t they?
July 28th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Just popping in to say thinking of you and wishing you well. Rest up!
July 28th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Sending good thoughts!
July 29th, 2008 at 8:02 am
take it easy, Amy…just be. the whack will find its way back eventually. now is what it is, and you are all okay, and that is what matters.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Fingers crossed. I’ll be checking in a little more regularly over the next few days to see how things are going…
July 29th, 2008 at 8:21 am
hugs.
here for you. 100%
July 29th, 2008 at 11:58 am
All this discomfort, all this change…yet she speaks Latin, all the while pretending to be a lapsed Catholic (when really, she’s a blazing star!)
The only thing missing is a countdown to Shaggy ticker, right at the top.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
No worries. I remember being 40 weeks pregnant and not having any energy or coherent thought to leave comments. Take care of yourself for now, and I know you’ll be back around soon.
And no need to apologize for not visiting as much once Shaggy is here - I know from experience the first few weeks will be a lot of adjustment. You’ll figure it out, though, and we’ll be waiting for you when you do. (And ready to give any comfort/advice/humor while you’re figuring it out, too.)
July 29th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I’m so glad to hear your husband is home. Here’s hoping for relief in the form of a healthy baby boy sometime soon.
Not that you should give a rat’s ass, but as a point of informaiton, if the baby comes on July 30th he’ll share my birthday
July 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Good luck girlie. Hope shaggy comes anytime now, and is healthy and adorable!
July 29th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Boy, those braxton-hicks the second time around are something else. Add in 9 months pregnant during the heat of the summer…oh, I feel ya!
Hang in there.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Sending love and good thoughts! Not much longer.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Be well, my friend. Sending love and happy thoughts to you and the Shagster.
July 30th, 2008 at 2:05 am
I just wanted you to know that this lurker is thinking of you and your family, as you get ready to make the change from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Best, best wishes.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:23 am
It won’t be long, it really won’t be long…..just hang on…
July 30th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
oh, honey.
you’re loved.
July 31st, 2008 at 8:34 am
I’ve been drowning in my cross country move for the past few months, so haven’t been around my own blog, nor commented here much.
However, your blog is the one I’ve kept up with, religiously.
Don’t let the bastids get you down, Amy. You’re doing so much better than you give yourself credit for.
Also, not coincidentally, you’re strong, beautiful and fiercely awesome. Hang in there. Shaggy’s almost here.
July 31st, 2008 at 8:39 am
Supporting a fellow blogger is what we do best. Really I know if I needed support I could find it on my blog. And I have a very small following, but they are great. Wishing you the best!