I’m supposed to be napping but I can’t turn off my brain.
The Poo, Shaggy and I were hanging in the family room watching Yellow Submarine when The Poo all of a sudden yelled out:
“Mommy, I waited too long!”
She was peeing on the carpet.
I, of course, being such a cool-headed mama, freaked out and yelled at her. She ran for the bathroom, sobbing, while I tried to get up off the couch. I had Shaggy in my arms, heavy with sleep, and this damn incision decided to start acting up at that exact moment.
I called for help and Mr. C came bounding down the stairs. He took the girl to the potty to finish her business while my mom cleaned the carpet. He came out and looked at me with chagrined eyes.
“It was just an accident,” he said gently, the sound of a sobbing Poo in the background. I could hear her anguished cry:
“I’m so SORRY, Mama! SORRY! SORRY!”
I burst into tears.
I was promptly sent to my room for a rest, but here I sit, tears leaking out from my eyes and my laptop open. I can’t rest; I’m too busy worrying about next week when my mom goes home and my husband goes back to work.
I can’t get my pain under control, probably because I feel great one day and over-do it, so then I pay the piper the next morning. Today I am having trouble walking, and I’m still not bleeding, leading my over-anxious mind to wander into scenarios where my uterus explodes.
Every day my mom is here I can see her itching to get back home. Just her presence makes me feel so much safer, I can’t bear the idea that she’s going to leave. She has business to attend to back East, but gosh, do I wish she would stay as long as she had said she would. I know that isn’t fair, but I just want my mom.
You know?
I think - scratch that, I hope - that this is just hormones. I mean, I can do this, right? Millions of people have more than one kid, right? Millions of people have a kid who sucks all the attention out of the room, and one that is just trying to get his due, right?
I love my daughter. I do. But she is making me feel like the inside of my head is filled with buzzing hornets. She needs me every single second of every single day until she finally falls asleep and I am wracked with guilt while simultaneously wanting to run from the house screaming.
My husband has been so good, so very very good. I know I complained about him last week, but today when I came up for my forced rest he was sorting socks from the lost-sock basket and putting away all his own clean clothes.
Those of you who know him realize how huuuuugggge that is. This is a man who hasn’t touched his own laundry since 1997.
He gave me a hug and left me in peace, after he’d matched all the socks.
So here I am, at 2:42 on a Sunday afternoon, crying and blogging and wishing I would just feel better, already.
I told you I hate Sunday afternoons.
August 17th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
patience, sweet girl. This WILL get better
August 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Honey. I am there. I know how you feel and you’re going to make it! You’re strong and wonderful and you’re dong just fine!
I’m here to talk if you like.
August 17th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! Be patient, keep breathing, this too shall pass. We’re all rooting for you!
August 17th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Oh, sweet woman, it will get better. So much better, I promise.
(I’m blaming the hormones too. It can sneak up and attack, I swear.)
I hope you catch some zzzzs and your heart lifts soon.
August 17th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Oh, I feel for you. It WILL get easier, even though you’re probably sick of hearing this.
I made myself a bracelet after my second daughter was born that said “breathe”. I just tried to focus on the next thing that I had to do. Nap? Okay, I’ll nap. Feed baby? Okay. Next up, play with toddler? Okay. Just getting through the moments helped, instead of focusing on later that day, tomorrow or next week.
August 17th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I’m sorry. I had trouble with just the one, so I can’t begin to imagine how you must feel with two.
When I blogged about it I got the same advice you seem to be getting - that this will pass and things will get easier. They did for me, even if it was hard to hear that in the midst of the madness. My only advice is to be honest and truthful with yourself, and if it does all get to be too much, make sure you draft in help wherever you can get it.
May things get better…
August 17th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I would say the first 3 months of my second born’s life were the worst ever, for a few reasons. But I can say that what you’re feeling is normal-please don’t feel bad for it. 1-2 is a MASSIVE adjustment and you look at the baby and look at the older one and think “You’re old enough to not pee/spill/yell/act like a baby!
Which is nuts, right?
Add in lack of sleep, a large cut that’s healing, the mental adjustment of what your family IS and should be, questioning your own role and likely never having the chance to pee….this is normal.
I was sent to my room more than once.
Hang in there. Nothing I say could make it easier. I never wanted my father, or my inlaws to leave, but I found that despite everything I thought I was messing up, I was doing just fine after all.
Hang in there girl.
August 17th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
It does get better. Really. I’m not shitting you. And, yes, you can do this. This is what I tell people who have a new baby, regardless of birth order, the first 2 weeks are pure hell and then it starts to get better. Everybody adjusts and it takes time. You’ll get there.
I remember when Frank left me for the first time with both kids. I was terrified, but I muddled through best I could with a 2-week-old and a 2 1/2-year-old.
And a pat on the back to Mr. C for taking up the slack. Good man.
There are loads of us here in Chambana, myself included, who would be more than happy to help you out. Just say the word.
August 17th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
TOTALLY the hormones.
Do you hear me???
TOTALLY. Those effing things will make you feel like you’re CRAZY.
You can and will very much rock the mama of two.
August 17th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I remember the first day my husband went back to work after looking after me, 2 year old Sonny Ma-Jiminy and tiny baby Smoochy Girl for a few weeks.
Within fifteen minutes I was sitting on the lounge chair with baby Smoochy in my left arm, Sonny in my right arm, and all three of us were crying hard.
(Just for balance: here I am today with them, absolutely loving every minute. We’re going to the library later, and we might go to a bakery and grab a treat. Hang in there - you’ll be living this particular vida loca some day soon!)
August 17th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I hate sundays too. They don’t deserve capitals. Take that!
The entire childbirth process still has a LOT of kinks to be worked out IMHO. BTDT 2x. It will get better…..promise.
But if you just can’t wait, that’s why God made wine.
Hugs and humor (= !!!!
August 17th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Everyone’s right. It does get better! Hang in there, Mrs. Chicken.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I know you will feel better soon. You will, really. It’s the hormones and they’ll mellow in the next few weeks. But right now, they are in full force and taking names.
I remember it, one newborn, one toddler who is suddenly overly needy and not adjusted. (I even vaguely remember a few accidents on the floor. Pee and any drinks that were given.) I wondered how I’d ever get used to it, how I ever though I was strong enough to do it. But it will get better, it will get easier. Truly, cause if not, I’d have never thought having three sounded like a good plan. I look at my girls every day; big strong independent amazing little girls and I wonder how I got here. But I made it through and I know you will too.
Hugs to you. Try to take a bit of time for yourself too. I recomend naps and ice cream personally.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
no advice, i only have one so i can’t say “been there” or “totally get it”.
but i do know that it is ok to blog and cry. and i “know” you and i know that it will get better.
promise.
hugs.
August 17th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I’m glad you were able to be sent to your room for a little while, even if it was just to cry and blog. Sometimes even a small break is a big help.
And yes, millions of people have more than one kid, and those millions of people? Know EXACTLY how you feel right now.
I did precisely what you have been doing - the “oh, my incision feels fine today, I think I’ll (insert poor choice here) today!” And then the next day? UGH. I’m totally feeling you, on everything you say. I wish I had something more magical to say than it will pass, but I don’t. But taking it in smaller increments might make it better. Sometimes just getting through an hour is all you need to get back into the swing of things. If that’s too long, take it moment by moment.
And the Poo? She’ll be just fine, and won’t remember your reaction to this accident. You are ALL still adapting, healing, learning. You’re doing great, just keep breathing.
giant smooshy (but gentle) hugs to you
August 17th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
It will get better. It will. It’s also okay to talk to your doctor about your feelings.
Your whole family is adjusting to a whole new person, which is a huge deal. It makes sense there will be some bumps. And the hormones. Also the hormones.
Thinking of you.
August 17th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
I know what you mean. I spend all my time worrying about what I’m going to do with two (and we have always wanted a big family). What if I can’t hack it?
I’m scared and I want my mom. I know she has a life and responsibilities of her own but I can’t help it. I want my mom!
August 17th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
hey, my girl is being all clingy and having pee accidents, too — and there ain’t no Shaggy around here.
i still yell.
courage, friend.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Oh sweetie, you can SO do this! This is normal — it is — and it will get better. I promise. The incision pain is a huge factor in your mental discomfort.
And, because your blog comments area is where I confess my many parental failings, I have been a heinous bitch to my daughter about potty training. It didn’t help that it took OH FIVE YEARS but I have not handled it well. Which is not to say you should be like me, but that you are not alone.
Call in the cavalry. Can your MIL come back? I know she isn’t your mom but she seems sort of cool.
I promise you, it will get so much better within a month.
August 18th, 2008 at 4:07 am
you’re overwhelmed, friend…hell, i’m overwhelmed just imagining how charmingly i’d handle the situation. i think that’s human, and okay.
keep breathing, keep going, keep writing.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:05 am
This reminds me so much of how I felt for the first 2 months of my daughter’s life…and she was my first (and only right now)! As others have been saying-it’s hormones. Ride it out, you can do this. Can you have your MIL come out after your mom goes home? Or the sitter?
August 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
As someone else wrote, I also just had trouble with the one so can’t imagine. But, I believe you will be able to do this though not the way you may want to right now. And, yes, you have every right to think it’s not fair your mom isn’t staying longer, especially if she told you she would originally. So, sorry about that!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We ALL have those days. And thank your husband for telling you what you need. It is also normal for older siblings to regress a little with a new baby, and it is normal for you to be frustrated about it.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:45 am
The first few months of my secondborn’s life, I Sharpied days off the calendar, I was that glad to be rid of them. It’s not easy, this adjustment from one to two. The first one doesn’t stop needing you, and in fact, needs you more, and then there is the neverending need to tend to the newborn. And your recovery. It’s not simple, it’s not neat. Just know that you’re not alone.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:14 am
You have been through so much over this pregnancy and it cumulated with a nice shiny surgery and a boisterous 3 year old.
The balance will come.
Oh and are you taking the meds they gave you for the C? I highly recommend taking them before you feel pain again. It was the only way I survived.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:03 am
It IS the hormones. Really. Also the fact that having a newborn in the house SUCKS. Didn’t you get that memo? I should have sent it to you. It Will get better, and you will find a routine and manage - not just manage: excel, make others wonder how YOU do it all so seamlessly. Meanwhile, the Poo feels her place as the One and Only slipping out from under her, and she is grabbing hold for dear life. She’ll let go, she will.
PS. Everything feels better after a nap.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:05 am
you CAN do this! 100%
and it WILL get easier! hugs!
August 18th, 2008 at 11:21 am
It will all be just fine. It’s only a little blip, though it feels like everything when you’re in the moment.
~hugs~
August 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am
It’s NORMAL and it’s HORMONES. Honestly. It will get easier. My two babes are 21 months apart and my second was born with heart defects meaning we spent the the second and third weeks of his life living in the hospital only to be released with a baby who nursed (I kid you not) 21 times a day. My daughter adjusted. We all adjusted. Things took longer to do. I set small goals. The house was messy, the laundry not done and we ate take out more than I’d like to admit. But honestly, it gets easier and you find your groove. Ask for help. Take help. Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that all your daughter needs is your presence, a hug and kiss and even just having her colour next to you on the couch, is enough. In a few more weeks you will feel more in control.
((hugs)) You will do this, and you are not alone. We all feel this way when #2 is added. Well, those of us without 24 hour nannies that is.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
This too shall pass … really! I had my second baby in early February and was a wreck for the rest of the month. However, since I had anxiety issues after my son, my doctor put me on medication much more quickly the second time around. If this passes the “normal” two week period and you’ve had issues before DO NOT HESITATE to contact your physician!!!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
It’s funny. When we had our kids, we wanted nothing more than for our family to leave. I hope you are one of those who is lucky that you have family that helps without burdening and advises without preaching.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Why their angst at having to share the spotlight with a new sib must manifest itself in the bladder is beyond me. But I can sure relate to the scene you just recounted here. If it helps any, The Boss has reacquainted herself with the potty and is getting her other outpourings of emotion under control, too.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I am so sorry - it seems overwhelming, I know, but you’ll get through it. And if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask - it’s okay to ask.
(((hugs)))