There are some phrases you don’t want to hear in the pediatrician’s office.
Phrases, like, oh, say, “breathing issue” and “St. Louis Children’s Hospital.”
Shaggy has this funny kind of gaspy, gulpy breathing thing he does, intermittently and most often when he is eating. It sounds like a scary squeak, one I knew wasn’t quite right. I went so far as to call the nurse over the weekend, hoping that she would just tell me it was normal newborn congestion, and that I needed to get out the old squeegee and go at his nose.
The nurse sounded unsure, and said we should come in if we were concerned. I knew his one-month well-baby visit was today, and so I decided to wait.
Luckily, he needed a bottle just as we were entering the exam area. Every nurse in the place watched us as we made our noisy, wheezy-gaspy way to our room. I watched their brows furrow and silently thanked God that he needed feeding at just the right time.
Chambana is home to a Huge Midwestern University, but the medical school is elsewhere. So we have to travel to St. Louis next week to see a pediatric ENT.
I know odds are in our favor. I also know that weird shit happens to me - and by extension, those who belong to me. I think about the shock and the diabetes and the alopecia areata I wonder if it is my fault that my baby can’t breathe properly.
I was fielding calls from front offices and scary hospitals where really sick children go, when I got an email from a friend inviting us to have lunch with them.
I needed the adult company, I needed the day to seem normal. While at the restaurant, Shaggy had a tremendous poop and I changed him in the restroom. As I was fumbling my way out the door to go back to the table, I dropped his changing pad.
When I bent down to pick it up, the door swung vigorously shut and hit me in the ass, sending me to the floor with Shaggy in my arms.
I managed to keep him up in the air while my knees took the brunt of the fall.
I sat there for a minute, surrounded by diapers and my wipes case.
Karma, I give. You’ve had your way with me. Now can you please cut me some slack?
Because I love this boy. I love him with a ferocity that scares me. I didn’t expect to feel this way again, about another baby. But I do, and the burden of this love?
It is almost too much to bear.
September 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Karma is one mean bastard. Wishing you a little bit of peace and quiet.
September 10th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Oh dear - hoping all is well. Thinking of you!
Steph
September 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
First off, it is NOT your fault that the wee man has trouble breathing. It is no one’s fault.
Secondly, I am sure it is just a precaution. Sacha had orange skin until he was 4 months old. After all sorts of tests they realized he was fine and that it was just breast milk jaundice.
Thirdly, I’ve been door-kicked before, too. It is SO not cool.
September 10th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
ouch! are you okay? you are not at fault for any breathing issues shaggy may have. lots of hugs hon!
September 10th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
This is not your fault. You’re the one who recognized the problem and you’re doing something about it - give yourself some credit.
As for Karma, she’s the one who needs to be kicked - right out the door!
September 10th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Hope it is as minor as my son who was diagnosed with a “floppy esophagus” that he would grow out of. He did, but it was a tough time as I was still going through tremendous guilt about his twin brother who only lived a few hours. This motherhood gig is not easy, hang in there!
September 10th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I’m sorry! Isn’t it amazing how you can get the crap kicked out of you and still manage to hold the baby? My husband fell down the stairs with our son once and didn’t let go or hit the baby on anything.
Hang in there, it’s good you followed your instincts and brought it up to the doctor - hopefully the ENT appt goes well!
September 10th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Karma is such a rat bastard sometimes. Leave Mrs C alone!!
September 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
I have always found it fascinating that when I fall holding the kids (which I have really done far too often), I keep them safe to my own detriment. It just kicks in.
Like your instinct to protect him however you can.
September 10th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Oh no!! Thinking of you.
September 10th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Maybe it was just Freud saying you needed a good ass smacking?
xo
Hope that little one is okay. Don’t blame yourself. At least for this. They’ll be PLENTY of time to blame yourself for all the other crazy stuff
September 10th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I’m sorry that you’re having a tough time. Hope it gets better soon!
September 10th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Aw, damn Karma, leave the woman alone already!!
Shaggy is fine, probably a precaution, and you rock because you are getting it checked out. And way to keep baby from the floor! I’ve done it before and I’ll never understand how we just do that and hurt ourselves and keep them so safe without a thought. Cool though.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Just wanted to tell you you are going to a great hospital with really great doctors. Our youngest was treated there for his cleft palate and the whole deal was handled great. Thinking good thoughts for you and yours.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Ugh, who needs the extra stress! I’m so sorry.
Do you read Julia (here be hippogriffs)? Her baby had some weird breathing/swallowing reflux thing too– might be worth a read.
September 10th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
(((Mrs. C)))
September 10th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
If you need to stay over night, the Forest Park Drury has a hospital rate of $79.99, but you have to ask for it specifically.
St. Louis Children’s is in the top 10 children’s hospitals in the country. You will be in good care.
(I am writing this sitting in my hotel room at the Drury right now!)
September 10th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Of course, if your child is ever in the hospital overnight, you can sleep with him there.
September 10th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Oh… thinking of you all. And Karma deserves a kick up the ass. That gig with the bathroom door was just uncalled for.
Keep us posted. Hoping it goes well.
September 10th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I’m here believing it will even out, but not wanting to diminish how you feel. You’ve been too good to me and others not to deserve good karma.
September 10th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I was walking with my baby in the Baby Bjorn, when my daughter was just 4 months old, and I slipped on some ice cream that somebody had spilled on the concrete mall floor. Somehow I managed to fall straight down onto my knees without dumping her out. Had I done that without her in my arms, I probably would have landed on my face.
My husband slipped on a mossy river bank a few weekends ago with our 9 month old son in the backpack and not strapped in. I was right behind them and saw my husband grab the baby’s hand just in time to keep his head from cracking open on the concrete embankment.
At times like those, you can’t help but think you’ve done something right.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I am glad you are getting an expert’s opinion on this and not messing around with the vaunted C-U healthcare system. In the meantime we are all here to listen.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:49 am
I’ll be thinking good thoughts his way.
Nata has Asthma, has since about 6 weeks and I know the fear that it puts in you when something is wrong with your newborn. Hugs to you.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am
I’m sorry about this but hopefully the good doctors at St. Louis will help out Shaggy.
I’ll send every bit of good karma your way!!! You deserve it!
September 11th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Send karma over here; I feel like a fight.
My first born, my son, used to do this high, squeaky breathing thing when he was a newborn. We wrote it off as a quirk. He stopped doing it but now he has asthma. I always wonder if the two are related, but he also had fierce eczema until he was three so I really don’t know.
September 13th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
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