In the middle of the night
I call your name
- John Lennon
***
I rise to the surface of sleep quickly, too quickly. He grunts softly beside me, not quite crying and not quite resting. His legs kick up; I see one pajama-clad foot rise over the side of the bassinet.
I sit up and wait.
Will he go back down? Does he need a feeding? What time is it?
1 a.m., 3 a.m., 5:50 a.m.
The small hours, not quite night and not quite day. I trip down the stairs, making the bottle with my eyes closed. It is cool in the house. Summer is waning, and I hear fall creeping in on her slippered feet. I pull my sweater closer around me as I wait for the milk to warm.
In the blue light I gather him to me, wobbly neck and sweet breath against my face. I kiss him absentmindedly, affectionately, sleepily.
Together we glide on the soft brown chair in the almost-silence, crickets competing with his small satisfied sounds. His eyes are closed, the lids almost transparent in the dim light. My own eyes close and the bottle slips from his mouth—pop!—and I startle back into wakefulness.
Some nights he slides back into slumber seamlessly. The hard nights see us locked in a battle of wills. He won’t be soothed, he fusses in his wee white basket-bed with the green gingham trim, the same bed that housed his restless sister.
On the hard nights, I give in. I lift him from his oval basket and lay him beside me. He sighs and lifts his arms high over his head, a defiant V for victory. His small, perfect head tilts slowly, slowly, until it rests in my armpit.
I echo his sigh and turn my body toward him, making my own V as I curl around him. Skin to skin, face to face, we tumble back through the tunnel toward morning-time.
I would choose no other traveling companion. He is my compass, my true north.
My baby. My son.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:28 am
That was so sweet…it took me back to those baby days.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Yeah, I remember those days as they weren’t that long ago. Funny how you will miss them.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Oh.
That was so beautiful. I remember those days.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:25 am
That sounds so much more peaceful than your words have sounded in ages. I love the way your write openly and honestly. It was just a beautiful picture you painted.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:56 am
That is beautiful.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Sigh, gorgeous.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:37 am
lovely portrait.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Tired as I am, I still love these nights.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:41 am
sigh, sometimes I miss those days. Their smell, the innocence of them as tiny dependent babies. Thanks for sharing.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:46 am
That was truly beautiful. I can’t wait for that again.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:09 am
beautiful.
it makes me remember those nights and makes me think it might be time to do them all over again.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:25 am
AWWWWW……..you are finding your way!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
ahh.. so pleased you feel that way! But stop now cause I’m broody enough as it is. Although my 10 year old still rests his head in the crook of my arm at night (not quite the same is it?
September 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
beautiful
September 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Oh, this is just lovely.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Beautiful post, reminds me of having a newborn. Very vivid.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Beautiful!
September 11th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
My son wins that victory every night. I love having him in bed with us, in no small part because it always happens that my husband is the one he ends up scratching and kicking.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
So pretty! I wish I could sleep with my littlest one with me again, but he’s 20 months and sleeps in his crib without protest. Can’t go messin with that.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
*happy sigh*
September 11th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Ohhh, GAHHHHH, this is lovely. Just lovely.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Your description brought a lovely olfactory memory to the front of my brain just now. Thank you for that.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
*tear* What a beautiful post. I still give in to my 2 year old when he wakes at one or two am. I still love that feeling of him nestled into me sleeping. And I know that someday, he won’t want to anymore.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Ooooohhhh, I actually miss that. I waited several months to “give in,” but I’ll tell you, we all three only finally slept once I did. She’s still in our bed most nights, but I don’t care. One day I will miss it desperately, when she no longer crawls in with us.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Very nicely written. There are moments like that, even in the utter chaos of sleepless nights!
September 11th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Beautiful. Takes me right back.
September 12th, 2008 at 9:07 am
So lovely.
I’m adoring the nighttime snuggling and co-sleeping myself. Except, of course, during the odd night when I find myself in tears during those relentless No-Mom-I-Will-NOT-Go-Back-To-Sleep hours when I am somewhere in sleep-deprivation psychosis.
I’ll keep the true north compass idea in mind the next time I encounter one of those moments. Thanks.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
stunning. gorgeous. simply… mmm….