I married a tease, the kind of man who worked very, very hard to make his favorite girl in the second-grade cry. The kind of man who, if he doesn’t tease you, frankly does not give two shits about you.
Me?
I rise to the bait every time.
Yesterday I dashed off a post about scratched DVDs from the library, and some folks took it a little too seriously. In fact, one commenter went so far as to ask if I was just complaining, like I do “in most other posts.”
(And why do I feel like Marie is a local? Oh, Chambana … home of the humorless.)
And just for the record, I actually WAS complaining. I do that, it’s my thing. I mean, helllllooooo? Have we met? Have you seen my banner? Glass-half-empty and the holidays suck and all that jazz?
IT WAS A JOKE. KIND OF.
Also? It’s my blog, folks. Don’t like it? Au revoir! Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya! Clickety-click, people. As John McLaughlin says, BYE-BYE!
I don’t get it. And you know what? It gets my goat every single time. Every single troll who drops a flaming bag of verbal bullshit on my metaphorical stoop gets under my skin. Because I can’t not rise to the bait.
So this one is for Marie, and Jason and all the other folks out there who love to hate me, who only comment when something I write rubs them the wrong way.
I hate:
Christmas
Bunnies
Champagne toasts
Banquet food
Paris
Seafood
Book jackets
People who let their kids act like assholes in public places
Bad coffee
Airplanes
Hairy toes (my own included)
Baby poop
Rotovirus
Stupid people
Wal-Mart
Ugly shoes
Network television
Spoiled brats
The Humorless
And yes, scratched DVDs that I checked out of the library.
*pthhhhhhhhtht*
Take that!
What do you hate? Fire away, people. It is complainer’s amnesty day.
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LOL—I like when people think it’s not a problem to throw stones in glass houses. Who doesn’t have a list of peeves? I do. Give space to them on my blog, too.
Absolutely—it’s your blog, your space.
I think your list about covers it.
Paris? PARIS? Are you serious?
I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.
(It’s a joke, trolls.)
I do hate Paris. But I love London?
Truce?
THANK YOU! I love to complain! Right now I’m really hating one of employees! I hate my job! I hate the holidays! I hate people who perpetuate the business of ugly clothes!
You and I both know that ugly clothes are available because PEOPLE BUY THEM.
I just posted my most hated hate hate hate: “morning” sickness. Week 20. WTF?
trolls. slow pedestrians. living in london.
With slouching mom here – Paris? Sigh.
I hate:
Stupid parking tickets (given on a deserted street at 7:34 a.m. on a federal holiday apparently because, unlike the feds and the county, Urbana city employees had to work and were pissed off)
The Dallas Cowboys
Everyone in the Bush administration who made torture a policy rather than a crime and violation of human rights
Nausea
Feeling stuck in C-U
Fake bagels
Stale chocolate
Windows Vista
This is kinda fun:
- stupid people
- hot TX summers
- bad coffee
- trolls
- mouthy disrespectful kids
- puke
- dragging feet
But….I really love your blog!
I hate stupid people and judgy people and people who can’t take a freakin’ joke.
I absolutely hate STUPID people. I don’t like other peoples kids and thats okay cause I don’t expect anyone to like mine either. Can’t stand people without manners or a freaking sense of humor either…
Ah I feel better and I love your blog!
people who stand too motherfucking close to you in line. Or like get their grocery cart a fraction of an inch away from you, like standing that close is going to make the line go faster.
I know it is stupid but it makes me insane
*snort*
I hate people who tell their kids to shut up. I hate indigestion. I hate heartburn as well for that matter. I hate people who bitch on your blog!
Also cannot stand people with no sense of humour!! lol
amen! Great post… If you can’t complain on your own blog, then what is the point!
I don’t hate Christmas but I hate the early playing Christmas music.
I hate humidity.
I hate stupidity.
I hate people who don’t let other people be.
I hate socks that fall down.
I hate wedgies.
I hate running noses.
I hate long lines for simple things
I hate people who don’t get 4 way stops.
Way to stand up.
Ugh. I have scratched library DVDs too, I mean REALLY!
I hate people who are clueless and always stand in the way when trying to take my kid to kindergarten. And so many other things I won’t clog your comments!
Do you know how much I love you? (said in the nicest, non creepy way I can) You so rock! Don’t let those stupid trolls get you down. HUGS!!
How can you hate bunnies? They’re delicious, esp. in a pie!
My pet peeve goes beyond the library to people who let their 2 yr old handle the borrowed dvd’s, thus obtaining the scratches. I understand that sometimes the wee little fingers touch what they’re not supposed to, and if you want to sscratch your dvds by teaching your toddler to load them ,that’s cool. It’s the people who do it on purpose WITH borrowed dvd’s that get me. Unless you do that, in which case, never mind.
I hate socks that slink down in your snow boots and hang off your heels.
I hate feeling hot in my shoes.
I hate wet ears.
Mostly I hate people who post stupid judgy things on people’s blogs. Oh, and my ex-sister-in-law who sent an anonymous letter to my pastor as a “concerned Christian” because she felt I had anger issues that were being expressed in my blog. I do have anger issues. With her. And every one of them is justified. Obviously.
Don’t usually comment but I’m grumpy so I will take you up on your offer of amnesty.
I hate:
Early flights (taking one tomorrow), last minute plans (bought the ticket this afternoon), deployments (going to see my husband off), traveling around Thanksgiving (self-explanatory), packing (I always forget something), teething (my little one haz it), being bitten (my little one does it because of the teething), people who can’t tolerate semi-quiet baby playing in exchange for NOT CRYING.
There’s more, but I have to finish packing. >_<
I hate “butterfly kisses”.
I also hate dumbass 40 year old sluts that have kids out of wedlock – shout out to my dumbass WT sister in law.
Crocs
Book Clubs
The use of “Cheers” by non-British persons
Snickers
Cold feet
“Unnecessary” quotation marks
You’re absolutely right about the library DVDs by the way. At our library they just put them back on the shelf too. Bastards.
I hate champagne toasts too – I always have to pretend to drink and then quietly pour mine in my mother’s glass…and mean people. Mean people suck.
Oh yes — and CROCS too!!!! How could I foget about those? I wrote a whole dissertation once about my hate for those shoes!
Complain away, my friend.
Partial feeds in my feedreader
The branch that is scraping creepily against my front window in the rain right now
Pus
Black licorice
Greedy people
Fake ‘friends’
Boogers
I hate it when I’m behind someone who won’t accelerate on an on-ramp.
I have the same problem with commenters on lbotp, not that I get as many as you. But it also happens with other local bloggers. I think this is why we get along so well, we get each other, and not everyone gets us. My list of things I hate is too long for your comment box, HAH!
You know what, it’s your blog and you are entitled to bit#h about whatever you want! And you know what else? I agree with you!
@ Jamie, fyi, it’s not only Brits who say “cheers”! It’s an extremely Australian expression, too. Just so you don’t, you know, hate me (as an Australian who frequently signs off emails with “cheers”).
I hate:
people who don’t let you merge into traffic
rich people with an attirude of entitlement
wasting food
not having the physical energy to complete the millions of ideas I have!
anti-social behavior in my kids (ie:texting,computer”talking”etc.)
and that is just a few…..
(Note: attirude was a typo…..but I kind of like it!!)
thanks for letting me vent!!I love when you rant.
I hate price tags and all stickers.
I hate fake people.
I hate people who show up at my house unexpectedly, especially after dark, especially those trying to sell you something.
I hate phone solicitors.
I hate the insert in magazines.
I hate tuna fish.
I hate blow drying my hair.
I hate shopping.
I hate packing lunch for my kid.
housecleaning
laundry
sense of entitlement
rudeness
inattentive drivers
inattentive husbands
getting dressed up
blue cheese dressing
etc
thanks for the vent
Wow, everyone has covered so many of the things I hate. I’ll add I hate people who ask in a snotty tone, “What’s wrong with your daughter, anyway?”
I hate pineapple. Yuck.
I hate people who text while driving.
I hate that I have to go buy very uncomfortable high heels to wear ONLY ONCE. Ouch!
I’m sorry, but I laughed when I read this post because I love you.
And I also realize that sometimes when I write people take me more seriously than I meant it.
Hope I wasn’t one of the haters yesterday- I don’t think I was. I was just complaining about the parents who let their kids handle the borrowed DVD’s. One of my HUGE pet peeves.
Okay, one more comment. I clicked over and read the comments from yesterday. (And laughed at some of them.)
Yes, you DID pay for the DVD’s with your taxpayer dollars.
And to Marie- would it be acceptable for someone to check out a book and let their child rip the pages?
Would it be acceptable to check out a book and find chapters missing? Or would you say to Mrs. Chicken- stop complaining and buy it from the bookstore if you actually want to read it.
The answer is NO.
I use the library a lot and I rarely pay for movie rentals. Let’s all do the right thing and try to take care of this resource.
This. was. brilliant.
I hate not having the chutzpah to do this on my own blog.
You know that hate mail? It sucks. But be proud of it, girl. It’s an emotional reaction to your writing, which just means you’re really good at it. I mean, sure, the positive comments are much better, and the mean shit gets under my skin, too.
But, damn.
Your writing reaches down deep and touches people, good or bad, makes us react, and keeps us coming back for more. And that, my friend, is a very enviable skill.
Haha, I love your blog! I seriously laugh out loud alone in my apartment at it. Here’s my list:
Christmas (except the decorations)
people who let their children run wild in restaurants
texting drivers
my couch cover which keeps falling off
my neighbor who apparently owns all the apartments in my building-or at least parks like she does
melted carmex
many, many more….
PS-It’s insane how many books I’ve gotten off reserve at CPL that are literally brand new and falling apart. Who are these people? Whatever happened to taking care of stuff, especially if it’s not yours?!?!!
One’s blog is a great place to vent. If others can’t handle it, too bad. I hate most things you listed. What’s worse? Scratched DVD’s from Netflix for which I PAY $$!
Never commented before, but have been stalking quite regularly and I needed this post today.
I hate:
Hospitals
When a family member or friend is sick
Death
Haters
Breathing tubes
The unknown
This is just today’s list. I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. Thanks for letting me vent.
I hate:
my ovaries,
being cold,
the time I spend working but not the work itself, lack of inertia,
my son’s short hair cut (but he was a rag-a-muffin and it had to be done so it could grow out and look GREAT),
my boss,
trying to sew zippers,
the cost of vegetables,
leaving my lipstik in my pants (how stupid can I be?).
Sigh.
hate, hate, hate,
dumb people who leave comments not realizing that you may be able to find out who they are.
runny noses
snobs
liver
my redneck neighbors
and their dog
and their redneck cars
this small town
the cost of groceries
not staying home at christmas (tour of grandparents)
the explosion of christmas crap
cleaning my house
dishes
marshmallows
my body five months after the birth of number three
money stresses
Good to get all this out just before Thanksgiving.
I, too, hate book jackets. They are useless, inconvenient, and they look dumb. Books should look respectable. I also really, really hate the sound and feeling of accidentally writing with a clicky-pen on which the pen part is not out. That scratching? Ugh! And: food which is molding, but which is still supposed to be edible (like bleu cheese.) And moreover, the people who find you uncivilized simply because you DO NOT WISH TO EAT MOLD.
This is fun. Keep up the good work, Mrs C. Let ‘em hate what you do – so many more of us love it
I hate that I am sick with a raging head cold and my period and that when I crawled out of bed this afternoon I found that my dog had gotten in to the bathroom garbage and was sitting on the couch eating used feminine products.
Me? I probably shouldn’t say it. Because it’s a rant of a different sort, but I hate abusive people.
AND I HATE THRUSH on my baby.
There is NOTHING wrong with Paris Hilton. Geez!
I have a teaser, too, and I take the bait every. damned. time. much to his great amusement. It’s no wonder he doesn’t stop when I make it so easy!
I think I might do an entire post of hates just because. Fun!
I hate:
Honey Nut Cheerio’s
When the sound is off from the character’s mouth moving on Tv
Christmas stuff up in October
Trolls
There’s so many more. I’m a hater. But a lover of your blog.
Hairy toes–check
WalMart–check
Stupid People–check and check
Right with you darlin.