Shaggy is a wonderful little boy, the happiest lad I’ve had the pleasure to know. He smiles and gurgles all the time, with two notable exceptions—when he isn’t feeling well, and when he has a shitty diaper.
The kid whose severe constipation caused endless hand-wringing now has bowels like a luge. Food goes in, shit comes out, at twice the speed of light. His two favorite times to poop are when he is eating and when he is sitting on the floor in relative privacy, while he plays with his big basket of toys.
Monday I had the pleasure of entertaining Rayne, and she offered to feed the baby while I made lunch for the big people. As usual, Shaggy took a gigantic dump in the middle of his meal.
After he finished (we don’t part Shaggy and his food prematurely, lest we lose a finger), I took him for a diaper change. As usual, the poop was all the way up his back, hanging on a Pamper precipice, just waiting to spill over into his onesie.
I gingerly wiped him down, and asked Rayne if boys always shit up their backs, or if it is just my kid. I figured she would know, being mother to a boy herself.
“Oh, yeah,” she nodded. “It must have something to do with the balls.”
Because crap it all, people, my laundry is OUT OF CONTROL. At least twice a day, this kid shits his pants, his shirt and then, just for fun, smears some feces on his socks, too. It’s like handling a rampaging monkey.
I just know there is a metaphor in this somewhere—males constantly shitting themselves because of their balls. I am just too fucking tired from washing all the clothes to find it.
He’s stinky, but cute as a button
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Snort! Actually my girls could/can shit up their backs just as well as my son could, although he did do it more often.
I will do all of your laundry if I get to keep the kids ;p
Great post. However, I had a friend whose daughter did “up the back” all the time.
“Hanging on a Pamper precipice.” Why can’t I write stuff like that? Gorgeous picture, by the way.
HEHE. My boys did as babies ALL the time. So annoying!!!
Maybe it’s a younger child thing because my oldest child (my son) hardly ever did the up the back thing but my little girl did all the time. I resorted to throwing clothes or onesies away. I was sick of all the damn laundry.
OMG YES. Noise did this on a constant basis, which I attributed to a) having balls that stopped the crap from going forward and b) having a butt crack that stretched nearly to his shoulder blades.
It was the only blessing of solid food– finally the poop was too substantive to really shoot too far up.
Ahh yes, I know this phenomena well..
Ok, I was thinking my kid was just an advanced pooper or something. I don’t remember this with the girls, but Harrison…oh boy.
for me it’s the girl who’s the queen of poopsplosions. the Fuzzibunz contain them better than the Pampers – we go back and forth but the cloth beats the disposables on this front so i’ve recently gone all vigilante cloth on my own ass b/c it actually means LESS laundry. go figger.
bowels like a luge…stealing that.
It’s ALWAYS about the balls!
p.s. I’m jealous that he has bowels like a luge.
P.s.s. Is that too much information?
P.s.s.s. (or is it p.p.s and p.p.p.s…whatever) I found that Zout takes shit stains out of onesies quite effectively.
oh my gosh…my son used to have this problem, too. I thought maybe his diapers were too small and the poop had no place to “go”.
It’s gotta be the balls…or something.
Hang in there: in nine short years he’ll be able to sort, fold, and even start a load of wash for you. I’m not saying he’ll volunteer, but still. The day is coming.
The Boss was the Mad Shitter around these parts. Number Two (ironically, HA HA) doesn’t hold a candle.
Honey, I feel your pain. I spent 3 months last year with a class of 12 under-2-year-olds, 10 of whom were boys. They all did the up the back-of-the-nappy shits, except for one or two (but they’re… erm… really small… >_>).
The worst is now that they’ve followed me back to the 2-3 year-old class, they’re on to the potty training. And until they figure out that undies don’t work the same as nappies… well, you can say that it’s Not. Fun. Thankfully, I have an assistant who deals with most of that aspect…
But yeah… it’s only about a year and a half more of this.
Once he turns 2 you can start potty training and get him out of it. 
Oh– so it’s a boy thing! I only have a boy, so I just figured it was a thing all babies did– Maybe it’s your diapers?? Try Pampers if you don’t already use them. The Cruisers are more expensive, but their stretchy waist band helped us.
Perhaps you are one of those wonderful people who use cloth diapers… but everytime I’d get frustrated with the blow outs, I’d realize that moving up a size of disposables really seemed to help control them. Different brands can make a difference too.
I remember getting scissors and cutting onesies off because I didn’t want to take it off over his head. yuck.
Yeah, and it gets into their hair… I tried using enormous diapers, but it didn’t work. So girls don’t do this? Dang.
How ’bout you try putting one of the old school diaper covers OVER the disposable?
and if not, well, how long could it possibly last?
I have two boys, so they’re my only experience. They both regularly sh-t everywhere as babies. I do so much laundry, it’s exhausting. Spray and Wash? I should own stock!
And just think – I had 2 of those little shits!
We called them blow outs and that is the way both of my girls were. It was disgusting and we tossed out loads of clothes because the stains sometimes didn’t come out.
If I had a quarter for every time I’ve cursed the balls for the diaper blowouts since he was born, I’d be rich. My girl NEVER did that. This post made me laugh out loud.
As the mother of only girls – I can’t offer you any nuggets of advice, but good lord did this post make me laugh.