Olly-olly-in-free!
Remember last year, when I was all, “duuuuuude, I am so booooooored and so preggggggggant” and I asked you to leave me a comment? Well, 120 of you did exactly that. And I promised one of you a Starbucks gift card, which I totally NEVER MAILED because I was a BIG FAT FORGETFUL ASSHAT PREGGO.
Now I am a not-quite-as-fat not-totally-forgetful mother of two. Seriously, where does the time go? I mean, will you look at these two?
Anywhoo, I was looking at my dashboard this morning, when a number caught my eye. A number listed under “approved comments.” That number?
Is 11,499.
Like, holy fucking shit, batman. That is one assload of comments.
Not all of them are friendly, and not all of them were appreciated. But most of them? Loving, hilarious, kind, supportive, inspiring/inspired, thoughtful, smart, witty …
In a word? Those comments are all of you. Your lovely spirits, your willingness to participate in community, your willingness to stick by me even when I am am probably one of the least interesting/fun/happy/insert-pleasant-attribute-here bloggers writers around.
I love your faces. That’s what I say to my babies when I kiss them goodnight. And I do. Love their faces. And yours.
So, here’s my challenge to you. According to my stats, there are anywhere between 499 and 599 of you out there who have me in your feed-readers. I’d love to see that approved comment number jump, if for no other reason than to prove to Sam and Karen that comments aren’t quite dead yet:
So leave a comment. And tell me something hilarious. A knock-knock joke, a funny story about poop, I don’t care—how about I steal a ploy from A Mom Two Boys and have open thread comments?
Oooh, that’s it! Hijack my comments. Use them as your soapbox. Whatever, just play nice—meanies get deleted, pure and simple. And this time, I WILL send a $25 Starbucks card to a randomly generated commenter. I promise, scout’s hour. And yes, I was a Girl Scout.
OK, ready, set … GO!
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My 5 year old daughter and I were in an elevator with a a business man. The doors closed and my daughter breaks wind like a teenage boy. The man turns and looks at her and says “whoops.” I remind her “what do you say?” Her response was: “It’s not my responsibility and I don’t want to talk about it.” The man got a little smile on his face and looked at me then my daughter said – “Well that is what my dad always says!”
As my 8 year old daughter was observing the man in the car next to us doing some major nose mining she asked me why people pick their noses in the car. I said that maybe they think nobody can see them. She said no, I think it is because they have the time.
Henry is trying to learn to joke and be sly. In the car with a house guest last weekend he said, “Smell that freeeeeeesh air!” which was such a weird thing for him to say I asked if he tooted. He had and wanted to trick us into sniffing his toot.
I rarely comment and sometimes when I do I go to twitter to do it because I do much of my blog reading on my phone while I’m out of the office and it is difficult to comment by phone what with pop-up comments or captcha, and easy by twitter. Your blog has a nice mobile site, but there is no way to comment on it.
Rayne of Terror’s last blog post..Barrel roll baybee
What if I just tell you the most important thing going on with me today — which is that today marks one week since I have puked up my breakfast! It is a red-letter day, friends! I no longer have to eat second breakfasts because the first one doesn’t stick!
You see, I am 15 weeks pregnant, and the nausea has been an unwelcome hanger-on for far too long. It certainly isn’t gone yet, but the puking seems to be on its way out. Phew!!!
Amy’s last blog post..i seriously do not appreciate your disobedience, child
Wish I could upload an image – yesterday I found what is probably a 20 year old Gary Larson / The Far Side cartoon that I’d saved. (How the Hardy Boys solved Iran-Contra.) Larson’s a lot funnier than I am – but, alas, given my mood of late, who isn’t?
There are two spots of poo on the ceiling of my bedroom. They have been there for an undetermined amount of time since my husband refuses to get them. I don’t know how it happened since I wasn’t there but the husband claims there was an explosive diaper situation and apparently it ended up EVERYWHERE – ceiling, curtain, wall, socks, sheets. Everything was cleaned up except for the ceiling. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when this happened. Just not on the spot where the poo landed.
Michelle’s last blog post..When to spill the beans
Hello! How’s your new vegan adventure going? I’m super interested to know!
Olive’s last blog post..did it again
Those babies are delicious.
Lisa Milton’s last blog post..deep down tired
I seriously DON’t need the Starbucks giftcard because it would be spent on white chocolate mochas that would go right to my ass. However, I would give it to my mom to get a few good cups of tea.
Here’s my comment:
When growing up, we always yelled “Ollie-Ollie-Oxen-Free!”
Here’s my favorite (lame) joke:
So a mushroom goes into a bar and the bartender says “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve your kind.” And the mushroom says “Why not? I’m a fungi.”
Get it, fun guy?
Ba dum, pum.
Leighann’s last blog post..Subcribe to Multi-Minding Mom
My daughter pooped in the bathtub last night and then cried when I wouldn’t let her get back in. She wanted to “touch it.” Lovely.
gina’s last blog post..bottle dwelling
I’m feeling neither soapbox-y or joke-y. How’s about I just type out the chorus to my favorite Hall and Oates tune:
Oooooohhhhh here she comes
Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!
Oooooohhhhh here she comes
She’s a man eater!
I tell you, those guys were ahead of their time.
Emily’s last blog post..Reunited and it feels so gooooood…..
I don’t understand twitter and probably never will. I guess I’m too old-fashioned.
Wow there’s a lot of pressure with open comments. Can I be witty? No. Can I be funny? No. Should I be ignoring cries of “Momma come here and help me”? Probably not. I guess I’ll go see what all the fuss is about.
But Why Mommy’s last blog post..Indecision
Story: When my parents were visiting a couple of weeks ago, my dad took my son to use the bathroom. Grandpa asked if my son was going to sit down or stand up. My son gave him a look of pity and informed him that if you have a vagina, you sit down. If you have a penis, you stand up. Like, duh, grandpa, how did you live to age 72 without this information?
mayberry’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Going to the zoo, zoo, zoo
Once when I was playing Legos with my nephew (he was about 4) he looked at me all serious and said “look auntie we’re co-operating”.
Or how about the christmas when he was a tyke when he gave me his favourite red crayon for a present. He is 25 now and I still have the crayon.
Or once when the other nephew was have a (rare) tantrum, he wound himself up so much he barfed and I got to catch it in my hands before it went down the fresh air intake to the furnace.
I have just landed on your blog today from clicking around so I don’t know you very well, but because I love that you are not afraid to write “holy fucking shit”, I am going to share this link with you – only because I think you have the sense of humor to appreciate it. I like that sense of humor, if you have it of course. Then I’ll be back to read more.
http://poopsenders.com
Enjoy!
Stephanie @ Figments’s last blog post..For the children!
My dog is chewing on a purple plastic shovel. She’s not very smart. My husband has spent the past few hours sitting in the house on his ass. He’s pretty smart.
Me? I just played tennis in the driveway, pulled weeds, played t-ball, played with the dog and jumped on the trampoline with my boys. Now I’m on the deck, ice cold water and cool breeze listening to the quiet.
I’m the smartest!!
pgoodness’s last blog post..Huh, damn, sigh
Don’t have anything witty or funny; it is Thursday evening, I have three teenagers, an unemployed husband and a full time job outside the home- enough said. I love your blog, it takes me back to the days of a baby, three year old and a four year old. We survived,as will you.
Bon, d’accord. Je vous laisse un commentaire. Vous êtes très inspirante, mpême dans une langue qui n’est pas la mienne. C’est vous dire. Voilà, maintenant, essayez d’y comprendre quelque chose, he he. Suzon.
Suzanne Marchand’s last blog post..L’argent des uns
Precious picture! I’ve got nothing else…my brain is in relax mode anticipating the weekend.
Mommy Cracked’s last blog post..How To Make a Birdhouse (The lazy way.)
Hmmm….. Well, this is kind of a freaky, funny (not ha ha funny) stories. LAst weekend I ran over my neighbors cat with my car. I was driving down road, came over the hill by my house and BAM! There was that damn cat in the middle of the road licking it’s crotch. I ran over it … heard a loud thump … and I cringed looking back and … NO CAT. My heart was pumping and I looked all around … NO CAT. I pulled in the driveway and made my teenage son go out and look under my car to see if the cat was stuck under there …. NO CAT.
I spent the whole damn night looking for it and fretting that was was seriously injured. They were gone camping so I was making bizarre mental plans how I would euthanize it if I found it horribly maimed.
Anyways after a whole sleepless night and creeping all over the neighborhood like a weird snooper looking for it I found it on their porch the next night totally fine. What the &*$%!! Cats really do have nine lives.
I’m glad it OK though.
I am totally not in a funny mood but if I win (which I won’t cause I don’t win things like this) can I pick someone else to get the gift card? That could be fun.
Clink’s last blog post..eighteen.
Pretty sad how many of our funny stories involve shit…
I can’t think of any that don’t!
Jenni’s last blog post..Fifth Child Syndrome
A friend of mine just posted to Facebook – in a celebratory way – that she’d found The Odyssey!!! She meant the Homer epic she’d written notes in … I thought she was lost in a parking lot, looking for a Honda.
Are you SURE you want my thoughts?
I am not a funny person, but here ya go:
A string walks into a bar……..ouch!
Clink told me this one many, many years ago when we were still teenagers. I still remember it (obv).
I always read your blog. With three kids I don’t always have time to comment, I am sure you understand.
But I do love your words and your honesty. Heres to Starbucks, the peoples that keep me upright daily!
Rachel’s last blog post..What I can control
But if I comment now, you’ll know how behind I am in reading again . . .
marty’s last blog post..I’m holding still, Bird is wiggling
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