Olly-olly-in-free!
Remember last year, when I was all, “duuuuuude, I am so booooooored and so preggggggggant” and I asked you to leave me a comment? Well, 120 of you did exactly that. And I promised one of you a Starbucks gift card, which I totally NEVER MAILED because I was a BIG FAT FORGETFUL ASSHAT PREGGO.
Now I am a not-quite-as-fat not-totally-forgetful mother of two. Seriously, where does the time go? I mean, will you look at these two?
Anywhoo, I was looking at my dashboard this morning, when a number caught my eye. A number listed under “approved comments.” That number?
Is 11,499.
Like, holy fucking shit, batman. That is one assload of comments.
Not all of them are friendly, and not all of them were appreciated. But most of them? Loving, hilarious, kind, supportive, inspiring/inspired, thoughtful, smart, witty …
In a word? Those comments are all of you. Your lovely spirits, your willingness to participate in community, your willingness to stick by me even when I am am probably one of the least interesting/fun/happy/insert-pleasant-attribute-here bloggers writers around.
I love your faces. That’s what I say to my babies when I kiss them goodnight. And I do. Love their faces. And yours.
So, here’s my challenge to you. According to my stats, there are anywhere between 499 and 599 of you out there who have me in your feed-readers. I’d love to see that approved comment number jump, if for no other reason than to prove to Sam and Karen that comments aren’t quite dead yet:
So leave a comment. And tell me something hilarious. A knock-knock joke, a funny story about poop, I don’t care—how about I steal a ploy from A Mom Two Boys and have open thread comments?
Oooh, that’s it! Hijack my comments. Use them as your soapbox. Whatever, just play nice—meanies get deleted, pure and simple. And this time, I WILL send a $25 Starbucks card to a randomly generated commenter. I promise, scout’s hour. And yes, I was a Girl Scout.
OK, ready, set … GO!
{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
by the way – that was not a shot at YOUR kids. rofl! i got up to pee and realized OMG I made an ugly baby joke after you posted a picture of your kids! I just thought the joke was funny and well, I’ll shuddap now.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Orange
Orange Who?
Orange ya glad I didn’t say banana?
An oldy but a goody
binkytowne’s last blog post..Lesson Learned
Laughing my ass off at Karen’s joke. Which reminds me of something that a Pastor I know said. “When visiting new moms & babies in the hospital I have a universal statement I make to all them. ‘Now THAT’s a baby!’ that way I don’t offend them if I don’t tell them how adorable their little bundles of joy are, because seriously have you seen some babies?”
Starbucks…mmmmmm….starbucks.
Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Sixteen things
All I can come up with is this:
“So this dyslexic man walks into a bra…”
Lame, but it always makes me laugh!
Andi’s last blog post..Make This!
Okay, nothing funny to write, having a really ugly day. So I guess I will get on my soapbox, I go there way to often. But I am here to say that I am a brand spakin’ new blogger
and the comments mean so much to me. Maybe 1, maybe 2, maybe 3 and they mean the world to me. It means that someone read my story and shared a spark of my life. I now spend my days reading blogs and making sure I comment on each one of them. Also I’m on Twitter, I’m on Facebook and they don’t have the same connection like a blog spot has.
Please don’t tell me that commenting is a thing of the past!
Debby Pucci’s last blog post..IF YOU SEE THIS SIGN (Yes it’s me)
P.S. Your children are beautiful.
Debby Pucci’s last blog post..IF YOU SEE THIS SIGN (Yes it’s me)
I’m quitting a really awful job today and the only two co-workers I like got me a gigantic coffee mug and taped the pictures of all of my non-favorite coworkers to it. They also gave me a suction cup toy gun so I can shoot them. Kind of like a dart board that holds coffee…or beer. Yeah. Life is good.
Hey! I read and never comment. Sorry, i just don’t. Love your writing though. =)
I almost always comment. I’m trying to cut back though…I don’t get nearly as many comments as I give.
Here’s a joke my kids like now:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don’t cry it’s only a joke.
Heather’s last blog post..I Think It’s Too Late To Push Her Down
I never comment to you because I think you are going to get a million comments anyway, so what does my boring comment add…I also never click out of my reader and haven’t seen your new layout and it is awesome
Rachel’s last blog post..Remember that? HA, that was funny!
me? a Brownie drop out…..just never been good at groups….
An elderly lady wants to buy a parrot to keep her company. She goes to the pet store and sees a beautiful macaw at an really low price.
“Does he talk?” She asked, and the pet store manager said he did, but warned the woman against buying him because he’d been returned several times. The lady scoffed at this and bought the parrot anyway.
All was well at home until one day the parrot said as she passed by “Polly wants a damn cracker!” Shocked, the woman put the parrot in the freezer for a minute to punish it. The bird seemed sorry and things were fine again for a couple of days until, again, the parrot screeched “Polly wants a damn cracker!” as his owner walked by. This time the woman put the bird in the freezer for five minutes to punish it.
When she went to take him out, the parrot had his wing wround a frozen turkey as he looked up and asked her, “What’d this big bird do, say ‘fuck’?”
Wah wah wah wahhhhh…
Coco’s last blog post..Was it a dream where you’re standing on a pyramid in sort of sun god robes with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? No? Why am I the only one who has that dream?
Hi! I love reading your blog, but I am ashamed to say I never comment. I did once on your birthday last year because I was so excited that we share a birthday. I like reading what you have to say because although so much of our lives are completely different, your outlook, your dreams, and words are strikingly similar to my own. Seriously. I sent my sister to your blog and she was like “oh my god. she sounds like you.”
Don’t stop blogging!
Leanne’s last blog post..Applesauce
I hardly ever comment on your blog and when I do I’m pretty severe. And then I always figure, you get so many comments already, what can I add…? You are me a long time ago. I am much older now and a grandmother, so I see life differently. I have empathy, but sometimes little patience. You make the same mistakes I made and do things in the wrong order. But it’s your learning process and not mine. Sometimes it’s hard to keep my mouth shut, so I don’t say anything at all. I’m to harsh.
Irene’s last blog post..The beginning of the bathroom scale era.
Having 2 kids is like 3 times as much work than 1! So that’s why I haven’t commented in forever. Some day I might even get caught up with the blogs I read.
My 15 year old step son tried teaching my 3 year old a knock knock joke …
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Boo
Boo Who?
Don’t cry!
It came out as …
Knock Knock
Don’t Cry!
LizP’s last blog post..12/31/08 Another year gone
umm….i can’t seem to get a few moments to get out of my pj’s because babygirl wants something ALL the time. I tried to walk on the treadmill while I put her down and that lasted for .2 miles. But it’s time to try again as her eyes are closed – let’s pray for a nap! I love the pic!!
Comments are to bloggers as Orgasms are to sex ….you don’t NEED them, but they make the job worthwhile!!!!!!!
mysuestories’s last blog post..I’ll take "the mountain man" for $100, Alex
Okay, I WAS going to say that we don’t have Starbucks anyway, and then go sulk, but now I am in hysterics over some of those jokes!
Nan’s last blog post..RIP Frankie
We just got a kitty last night…and that bitch peed on my side of the bed this morning.
My boys have yet to decide on a name – buzz lightyear, Super Kitty or Mary…. I have no idea where the ideas come from.
So this poop walks into a bar…
Lauren’s last blog post..Sam I am
Dude, I have no funny, I have no soapbox, just a pile of work and no time to do it. And yet here I am…
catnip’s last blog post..Granite State Comicon; yet more evidence I am a geek.
Dude! Seriously, you never mailed that gift card? What happened to the person that won? What can I say, I am big, fat and pregnant this summer. I am bored and my mind tends to wonder. I guarantee that I will wonder about this until the next time I have to go to the bathroom, which should be in about 30 seconds.
SoMo’s last blog post..No Reality Show for Us
L has gas and poop today that would make a truck driver blush.
13 may not make it to 14 if his attitude doesn’t shape up.
I got a steroid shot in my elbow to fix my tennis elbow that is NOT tennis elbow but Larkin elbow from lifting her out of her carseat and it hurts like a mother right now and will only get worse over the next 2-3 days.
Why do people say 2 twins when it is redundant?
Come sit next to me all summer and I’ll make you feel thin.
You’re never too young to start being shallow.
Remember it’s not how you feel, but how you look.
Lily Pulitzer is a dirty whore and I hate her clothes.
Larkinsmom’s last blog post..The girl goes quiet
Did you hear about the magician who walked down the street and turned into a bar?
12ontheinside’s last blog post..Undies are Evil
Lily Pulitzer IS a dirty whore.
“What did the raindrop say when it landed on the roof?”
“Oh no, now I’ll never make it to the ground.”
My son told me this at the library today. I think it’s supposed to be a joke.
Your kids are beautiful.
Congrats on the assload of comments!
Tracy (Tiny Mantras)’s last blog post..Face paint
We took my 3 1/2 year old son Luke to see his new Pediatrician yesterday about him possibly having a UTI. Our daycare lady told us he peed 13 TIMES on Monday before noon!!!! Anyway, Ped asks the Duke to remove his shorts so she can inspect his junk, so what does my son do? He rips his shorts off, yanks his undies down, twirls them over head all the while yelling,” I’m free-ballin’!!!” and dancing his skinny little butt all over her office. Great way to introduce yourself to the new doctor!
Mommy D’s last blog post..Daddy Dates
When I know a blog that gets loads of comments I rarely leave a comment and I tend to leave comments on blogs that reply or email me, even just once.
Anyway, Q. Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?
A. He was looking for Pooh!
A little boy went to the Zoo and there was only 1 animal, he turned to his mother and said thats a shitzoo( as in the tiny dog)
I am spending too much time with kids to have any really funny jokes, sorry.
J from Ireland’s last blog post..Irish Summer
You ever have one of those times when all your wittiness has just fled and you can’t think of one good thing to say on a blog comment, facebook, twitter…??? I am having one of those moments.
inthefastlane’s last blog post..Summer???
I had too much wine to think straight and come up with a joke, but you know I love you and your blog and I have a Starbucks across the street so I could, like, totally use that gift card.
Jordan’s last blog post..What Didn’t Happen Yesterday
I rarely comment on blogs…except for yours! I just really relate to your writing and your life and really enjoy reading. I admire your ability to post so often. I have my own blog, but can’t seem to find nearly enough time to post. I will be fat and pregnant ALL summer as I am due with our third child in September. So I will be looking forward to reading your blog as I sit in the air conditioning.
Your kids are beautiful!
Janine’s last blog post..Notice to All Household Occupants
Here’s one my little boy made up:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
It’s me – knock knock!
(Hardy-har-har).
Ophelia RIsing’s last blog post..where spirit meets matter
I DO think that twitter and feed readers have totally killed commenting…but not me. I’m totally still commenting and totally clicking out of the reader. I’m old school like that
but totally not funny…so, sadly, no jokes.
ali’s last blog post..attention seeking behavior. both of them.
I always read you (crack-blog) but never commented before, please keep writing.
Keep the $25.00 and go to the Farmer’s Market-they need it more than Startbucks(and i’m an ERC fan anyway)
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
You put a little boogie in it…..
I love comments. I try to comment often, and I often find myself commenting here because I love your blog! It was one of the first 5 I started reading back when I started blogging myself. Here are 3 of my favorite jokes…
A pirate walks into a bar, and the barkeep says “Excuse me, cap’n, but did you know that you’ve got your ship’s wheel stuck in your pantaloons?”
“Aye,” says the pirate, “that thing be drivin’ me nuts! Aaargh!”
___
What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
___
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies: “You gotta relax. You’re two tents.”
Rachael’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Summer in Bloom
Good luck with going vegan. If you are looking for ideas check out Vegan Dad at http://vegandad.blogspot.com/ . That is my go-to site for kid friendly vegan ideas. He has some good fake meat recipes.
I’m vegetarian myself. It seems like vegan is the new vegetarian though. I guess that makes raw the new vegan?
Anyway, I may not eat meat but I don’t always eat healthy. I am sitting here eating a Kit Kat bar. All I can say is that it has been that kind of day and yum!
Brie’s last blog post..Claps, naps and hair splitting
Got nothing for ya except that I am hacking up a lung due to my man cold. Summer man colds are the worst.
DCUrbanDad’s last blog post..Just try and catch me
I am not sure if I have ever commented or not…Either way, I enjoy your candor and wit.
I’m one of these bad people who almost never clicks out of reader (so wow, surprise, nice blog design!!!) but that’s mostly because I usually read at work which is already bad but it seems like clicking on 200 page links would be a really evil use of taxpayer dollars. Someone google reader means I am more innocent. Heh. Right.
Emma’s last blog post..This week’s lessons/observations
Things I said today that I never in my life thought I would need to say:
Popsicle sticks DO NOT go in the toilet.
No, you can not wear two sets of pajamas to bed.
Who’s underwear is this on your floor!?! (said to five year old daughter, not husband)
Beth’s last blog post..signs of summer
Goodness gracious, that Karen Sugarpants joke was so funny that I could barely read it out loud to my husband because I was laughing so much.
Never realized how important comments were until I started writing my own blog. Love the comments.
Here’s my contribution to the list of things I never thought I’d need to say: “Put that down. Jesus is not a drum stick.”
Cyndi’s last blog post..Becoming Grandparents
Knock-knock joke courtesy of my favorite 3.5 year old:
Knock-Knock
Who’s there?
Come in, come in.
And then she laughs like a lunatic. It’s my favorite joke ever.
Enjoy your blog… my daughter is 6 months younger than yours, my boys is just a week younger, and I have major relocation issues. I get it. And even when I don’t, I do.
I use Google Reader, but I always click through. I also read but rarely comment, but I am trying to be a little more vocal. I need to go write my own post now, so… yeah.
Jason’s last blog post..Quick Pic – From the Market
I am so not good at telling jokes. I’ll spare you.
So, I don’t have a funny, generic, haha joke, but I do have an entertaining story that is simultaneously an enlightening bit about raising boys, so, here goes:
This morning at breakfast my just-turned-3-year-old wrinkles his nose and says “mama, I smell something”.
“What is it, peanut, what do you smell?” I respond.
“I passed gas” he says, matter of factly while looking at his cute little toosh in amazement.
In the very next breath, he glances up at me and says, Mama, you look beautiful.
How they can be both lude and pure in the same breath is beyond me, but wow does it keep my soul full.
Here’s one that’s making the rounds among the primary-school set across the country (every time I travel and visit with friends or family with little kids, I recite this joke and see if they’ve heard it; most have.)
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrup…
MOO!
you know what sucks? even when i ASK people to leave comments like you just did, people who I KNOW are reading don’t. Why is that?
Emily R’s last blog post..Momma’s little boy
Looks like I’m a little late to the party. I haven’t been blogging lately, but I still always try to comment at my favorite blogs.
Here’s something that bugs me: It’s not about babies or being a parent. It’s about TV. Reality TV, specifically. Is it me or do reality shows do too much recapping after they come back from a commercial? I mean, how stupid do they think we are? I mean, I know we are watching reality TV and all, so maybe they’re making assumptions about our intelligence. But seriously. We were JUST watching the show 90 SECONDS ago!
PS: Your babies are darling! Is Babyman actually full-on walking now?
PPS: Watching So You Think You Can Dance?… What is the general opinion about interpretive dance? I think it sucks. C’mon, I could do THAT.
Kerrie’s last blog post..365 Days Down: A Photo Journey
No jokes here, but this morning I had to go buy my nine year old third grade daughter – get this – size 9 shoes. Women’s size nine shoes.
Gretchen’s last blog post..Why did we wait so long?