I don’t feel what your boss said to you is in any way appropriate-but I wonder if you might consider the following read on it:

1) That she felt that women had to look/dress/act a certain way to advance (based on her experiences) and that she was trying to productively mentor you towards advancement in the way she was successful.

2) That male bosses are less invested in their female employees because they assume they’re only there to collect their paycheck and spend the rest of the time with their families.

Either way-if you felt you were being discriminated or punished on the basis of your gender, you could have availed yourself of the law regardless of the gender of your harasser. I also believe the power to address and change a manager’s unfair criticism/behaviour does rest somewhat upon the disgruntled employee.

As far as the other remarks on men not being catty and backstabbing-I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. My ex-boyfriend was a very high ranking executive at a now notorious investment bank (a managing director, actually), one of the youngest on Wall Street. He used to laugh about getting people fired and I witnessed plenty of backstabbing and behind-the-back-trashtalking-conference-calls between him and his rival managing directors. It wasn’t just him-it was all of them. It really blew the lid off the whole “men aren’t like that” meme for me (something I also partially believed at the time). The reason no one talks about it is that a) there usually aren’t very many women at their level because they all drop like flies after a certain point so people really don’t know how these types of megalomanical uber-successful mean really behave and b)that society still categorises male backstabbing as “cutthroat business efficiency” while punishing women who behave in the same way as catty b*tches.

Highly ambitious people, male or female, mostly tend to be sh*ts. I agree that men and women communicate very differently, but I disagree that women are instrincally bad managers eager to rip apart their female employees.

I think this strikes a chord with so many of us because you’re describing something we all understand–regardless of what our “labels” are and how we feel about them. This is exactly the kind of post I like to read, though, because it’s moving the conversation along, asking the questions, making us stop and think about how our choices affect us and others.

And she’s the Bestest Girl, too, isn’t she? You’re lucky to be there with her. Hope she’s feeling all better!

I tend to agree with Sandra that your description of the working woman (and your dismissal of her) is just as hurtful as the very words and labels you threw out in the paragraph above. I’ve worked for several female bosses. They’ve all been fabulous and fair. They’ve never once commented on my need to wear more make-up or a skirt. (That was a move I decided on myself, and not to “walk up the ladder”, but to boost my own self-image a bit.) I currently work with a strong team of female engineers and scientists – we all work well together. I’ve been amazed and impressed by the comraderie among female leads. That is MY experience. I think your view is based on your experience, which is fine…but it’s a stereotype you’ve developed nonetheless.

I don’t wish to be rude and I’m not attempting to be snarky – I love your blog and your writing. I love the image of your daughter and you snuggled together. But I do think you’ve just given a prime example of the very issue you’ve identified as problematic, by putting the negative image of the corporate female boss in direct juxtaposition to the comments from your daughter.

I don’t know how old you are, how long you worked, where, for whom, etc., but your post saddened me (not the mommy part, that was all sugar). Your old boss was trying to help you, in an awkward way. You voted with your feet. The end. If nothing else, you learned what you don’t like, which is worth something.

Prejudices help people feel more secure, particularly when deep down they know they can’t control much in life. It’s very natural to label people and shun “types.” It feels much safer to remain unchallenged professionally. So: you stay away from those mean female bosses! They might say something about yoru lipstick!!

And the various mommy acronyms/labels? Don’t fit me either. I agree that they are at best tiresome and often divisive.