I talk about The Babyman’s sleep habits a lot. Specifically, his naps.
With his health issues and terrible reflux as an infant, his sleep was always hard-won and therefore, very precious. The first five weeks of his life were miserable for everyone—especially The Babyman. His undiagnosed laryngomalacia and resulting reflux combined to make him scream bloody murder every time he was placed on his back.
After a scary hospitalization and some medications, all was well.
Execpt for the fact that I was unable to let him cry it out. I knew in my head that he was fine, but my mother-gut couldn’t listen to his misery. I rushed to him, cuddled him, released him from his crib.
The result? Tired baby, tired mama … basically, chaos.
In December we Ferberized him, on the heels of a stressful holiday trip that saw our Babyman awake and screaming in three different states.
It took just a few days to teach him how to sleep on his own, and it was glorious. Glorious! We all got a full night’s sleep, and all was right with the world.
Until, that is, he started to boycott his naps.
If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I am obsessed with making sure The Babyman naps. I can’t help it. His erractic daytime sleep habits make me crazy. He needs that nap. His little body is busy every minute, running and climbing and generally scaring me to death with his dare-devilry.
Even when he takes two solid naps a day, I am a wreck by the time he goes to bed. The house is destroyed, with all my energy poured into watching him to ensure he lives to maraud on a new day.
We’re in a bad period for naps right now—I think he’s going from two naps to one and the transition is messing us both up. We don’t know when to wake up, we don’t know when to sleep … do I put him down in the morning? Do I wait for the afternoon? What if I have to wake him to go pick up his sister?
It may seem histrionic to you, but man, I need him to nap. I do.
I need that two hours or so to collect myself, to tidy up the mess he leaves in his wake, to manage my own personal hygiene.
I need that two hours or so for my mental health.
The Poo stopped napping at 27 months and it nearly broke us both. That winter—our first here on the prairie—was the longest, darkest winter of my motherhood. She and I fought each other like tigers, until I gave in and learned how to negotiate a day that was all toddler, all the time.
That was when I hired a babysitter.
Right now we’re in between sitters, and the days are still long. The sun rises early and sets late, and we struggle to find our footing on a new schedule. The Poo is gone at school all day, leaving me alone to occupy the brother she plays with so well.
I love my son with all my heart. Each day sees me more in love with him than the last. I fall asleep with his fluttery black eyelashes and impish smile curled in the palm of my hands.
But if he doesn’t start napping again soon, I am going to have to run away from home. Does that make me a bad mother? Do you feel the same way, or am I being selfish?
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Naps are sacred time here. My daughter, like the Poo, gave up her naps around 27 months of age (we took away her “plug” aka the pacifier and she returned fire by no longer giving me 2 hours of me time a day). My son, thank goodness, still naps. He is 2 and is in constant motion and I enjoy the “down” time. Ok, it’s usually used to clean up the chaos he’s left behind and have a cup of tea, but whatever. So I completely feel your pain, I can’t imagine having a 1 year old who doesn’t nap. At all. Do you think he’s sleeping too much at night? Would fresh air/aka running at the park/beach encourage a nap more? Is he a stroller napper? COuld you walk everyday for naptime….at least you’d get a coffee and some quiet? My daughter was a stroller napper as a baby, but I lived in Toronto and was able to run all my errands on foot while she did.
When we transition from one nap to two ~ we usually go with 11 – 1 or 2 for nap (screws up lunch but is a good go between for not getting overtired). Then we gradually moved nap time up until they napped from 1 – 3ish. Bedtime at 7 or 7:30ish.
What about if you took him to a play group./moms and tots group/library program? Would the kids and extra stimulation wear him out?
Heck, apparently I am long winded and I am a stranger….sorry, I just feel the napping pain.
Good luck
Wendy
My boy had some early health problems that interfered with my original plans, namely letting him cry himself out like I did his sister. She was never worse for wear. But his colitis made that impossible and he had sleep issues until he was 4. I am not kidding, and when I broke him of said issues – needing to fall asleep on me each night was the last to go – it nearly broke my brain.
I wish I knew how to make it better. Maybe with your sweet girl in school, you will have more time to stick to a schedule and let him fuss more. I know that sounds far easier than it is in reality. Maybe colic tablets, to make him drowsy?
Just know I hear your desperation and respect it. A Mom needs a break, just like he needs the rest.
Oh wow can I relate. My son had reflux as a baby too. I couldn’t let him cry it out because I always worried he was in pain (he also had severe ear infections until he was about a year and a half old). On the weekdays he goes to a sitter and I go to work, so she gets the nap, but on the weekends I love the nap so I can have a little time to myself. If he doesn’t get it, Lord help us all. I’d also love for him to sleep some more……like go to bed earlier. And I try, I really do, but somedays it just “ain’t” happening!
Naps are mama gold – and, like you, I would’ve paid just about anything to keep them going. When it became clear that the end was near, however, I decided my son could still have “room time,” staying in his room and amusing himself rather than sleeping. At first, it was just 10 minutes – to get used to the idea (which, as you can imagine, was not initially received with joy). And yes, I paid for a few new things: kids books on tape being the #1 favorite. We inched the time up week by week until we arrived at a length suitable for me to keep my sanity. Assuming, I suppose, that I’m still sane.
You are definitely NOT a bad mother. When each of my kids lost their naps, it nearly broke me. I used to be unable to fathom having to parent kids All. Day. Long. Now it’s okay, but it takes a while to get to okay.
I hope not– I have those thoughts all day long on the few days I do keep my son home with me.
Oh, how I feel your pain! My little one is 18 months old and has always sleep issues too. My husband thinks I am obsessed with her sleep, which is true, but only because I NEED that time to myself! My guilty secret: I put the baby in daycare a couple of days a week so I can get a break. I have an older one in school too and those six blessed hours of alone time twice a week are what is currently keeping me sane. Little one is currently sick so woke up this am extra early, napped poorly, and was cranky until a very early bedtime, and I am dreading tomorrow already.
May we both get good naps from our kids tomorrow!
It’s not the nap thing that throws me, it’s when I’m alone with my youngest in the house—he’s so NEEDY when it’s just me and him. I will play games or read him books but Ahhhhhhhh, I need his sisters here to play with him too and take the focus off of me, me, me. I would lose my mind with just one child. And, of course, he gave up any naps before he was 2.
I think I’ve replaced naps with “TV Time”. Not a good trade off, by any stretch of the imagination, but there is no way I can be “on duty” all day long.
My 13 month old daughter is transitioning to one nap. I actually have an entry written and am going to post it tomorrow on this very subject. Except, with me, I’m actually glad she’s giving up her 2nd nap. When you’re fighting 2 other kids for quiet while the 1 sleeps, it’s not very relaxing. And, in fact, can drive someone (me) crazy. Naps as breaks used to be nice, but it hasn’t been a break for a very long time around here.
Moms need break time, and that normally happens during nap time. No nap equals no break. Not fair! I say you strike when he boycotts! Just kidding, I’d go crazy if T Junior didn’t nap.
Oh how recall the switch from 2 naps to one. All of us had our underwear (and diapers) in a bunch.
Now that we’ve fully transitioned to one, It’s not so bad, I figure I give her a nap after she’s been up 4-5 hours. That’s just what works for us, of course.
There are days -like twice a week- that she won’t nap. She will however, contently hang out in her crib, chat with her lions, wolf, duck and baby doll; count the bars on her crib, work on new words (would you believe me if I told you that she says ‘indifferent’?) etc etc. I figure if she’s content, I’m not gonna bug her. It give me my time and she’s okay with it.
I’m gonna fight like hell when she starts letting go of that one nap.
I am just as obsessed with the naps. I make my 3 year old nap or at least have “quiet time” to save my sanity. How else am I supposed to clean the bathrooms without him ingesting toilet bowl cleaner?
My second, 9 months, is a terrible napper. He naps only when he feels like it. I put him down at least twice a day anyway and there is a lot of crying. I am usually rewarded with a long nap if I can stand the hideous wails for the half and hour it takes for him to nod off.
At the school I teach at, we have a 1-2 year old class. They (and the little ones still in the baby centre who are close to a year) have only one nap in the day. Usually, it’s right after their lunch (which is at around 11:00-11:30), and then they crawl onto their mattresses for sleep time. They sleep until about 2:00, usually. Some want more, some less, but it’s all pretty much even. Two hours seems pretty much the limit though.
Maybe try that? Get him REALLY tired in the morning before his nap, and then get him down after eating.
I am the same way, but differently. For the past…2…3…4 years? He’s been napping at school, or at least having a “rest time” where he has to lay down and be quiet! Now we’ve been thrown into Kindergarten. And, yes, it’s only been 2 days, but the lack of his “rest time” is clearly evident! From the fact that I can NOT get him up in the morning to the reality that he hits the famed “witching hour” a full hour and a half sooner than he used to…it’s hell. And of course, there’s no hope that we’ll ever get naptime back…it’s been swallowed by the public school system, not to return until he’s in college…the one time when I’m sure I’ll be hoping he WASN’T napping!
No No no that does not make you a bad mother. All Summer I’ve been complaining about having to occupy two kids, and my 1 year old stopped taking naps too so that he can be up with his brother all day. It sucked but at least they would play together and leave me alone sometimes. Today the older one started school again and I should be excited to have just one, but all I can think is “Fuck! Now I gotta play with this baby all day.” lol
If you are a bad mother, then all hope is lost for me.
I have been OB-SESSED with Zoe’s naps since the moment she was born. I’ve had insomnia the last few nights wondering what to do about Eliza’s erratic nap schedule and how to make Zoe’s nap/quiet time work better. (Yep, the girl JUST starting giving up her naps, IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CROSS COUNTRY MOVE, OMFG)
So. I have NO advice. Only that I think it is the mark of a great mommy to care so much about your baby’s sleep. AND YOUR OWN.
(CAPS LOCK MALFUNCTIONING FROM OVERuse….)