The Babyman grabbed his shoes this morning as his father and sister departed for the day.
“Go go!” he yelled in his throaty little voice. He turned to me, hair falling in his eyes and pink yogurt on his chin. “Go go?”
I shook my head, both in answer and exasperation. Babyman turned 16 months old on Sunday and he is every inch a toddler at the moment.
He runs from place to place — why walk when you can risk severe bodily harm with every thudding stride? He eats constantly from morning til night. He talks in gibberish two-thirds of the time, but then comes out with a full sentence.
“Not for babies?” he asks, pointing at the glass bottles of beer on the pantry floor. His diction is as clear as a cold and cloudless winter’s eve.
I can’t lie; he makes me crazy right now. He teeters on the edge of comprehension. One moment he is angelic, wrapped in his beloved blankie and looking at me with wide sky-blue eyes. The next he is climbing the kitchen table to get hold of a steak knife, for which he clearly has nefarious plans.
I love him, but the best part of my day is just before I fetch him from the crib. I lay in bed, listening to him chant my name. It is so easy to enjoy him in the theoretical.
For when he is awake? He is a force of destruction.
***
I am in the strange position of being a working mother at the moment. It wasn’t planned. It just … happened. I had a few paid gigs here and there, I had a frustrating job working for a high-profile parenting Web site.
In August our leadership changed, and with it my fortunes. I write 20 hours a week now, if the checks I write to my babysitter every Friday are accurate. I brazenly started a media company with a partner, not quite understanding just how much work would be required.
It is all good. I am where I should be. I am where I want to be.
But there are days like today, when I take a breather and spend time with just my boy. Days when I realize I am missing his babyhood.
***
I took him to lunch. He was frantic, running around the family room in circles. It was either leave the house or risk one of our lives.
So we left. We drove in the cold winter rain to a chain cafe, where we ate macaroni and cheese with my friend and business partner. She left; he and I remained.
He fed me a noodle and wiped my chin. I reciprocated. I watched him smile up at me and almost had to look away from his beauty.
He is so vivid. Sometimes, he shines so brightly that I have to shade my eyes.
And my heart.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
i know. i am in the middle of a post about the whole lie of how tweens are harder. sure, they’re mean. and you worry. but you do eventually get to brush your teeth again, right?
and yet, they ARE so sweet at this age, in the middle of the maelstrom.
Bon´s last blog ..i’d like to thank my sponsors
I feel this one deep in my heart. So vivid, so frustrating, so amazing, so destructive. (So well written)
pgoodness´s last blog ..{W} Amelia
He is a peach.
Laura´s last blog ..Drive-Through Toy Drive Dec. 9
My daughter is about the same age and it amazes me every day how much she understands now, how she’s stringing words together in sentences, how much trouble she can get into. She’s loving one minute and kicking me the next.
Michelle´s last blog ..Dr. Toddler
Oh, this is so lovely.
First of all, I die for the sentence “it is so easy to enjoy him in the theoretical.” Genius.
Second, last night I almost blogged about going in to kiss my 4.5 year old son goodnight and feeling physical pain at the doing – he is so perfect, asleep, so still a toddler boy to me … and the awareness of how fleeting that is is literally painful for me.
Thank you for putting it so much more beautifully.
My little guy is 15 months and I feel you. I FEEL YOU. His vocabulary is expanding so rapidly, and yet he mostly screams like he is being stabbed with a thousand knives when we don’t understand what he wants. Still, while also living with a 3.5 year old boy, I think that the year 1-2 is my favorite. They dart and climb and talk and shout, but they still grab your neck with chubby fists and give impromptu kisses and say MaMa with sticky-sweet voices.
Wishing you continuing luck with the balancing act!
In some ways, I could have written this. Harrison has become a force to be reckoned with, while also being the sweetest most amazing lovely boy in the world. It’s exhausting.
I love this post. Also? I adore your new header.
Issa´s last blog ..Issa’s assvice. What? It’s better than saying, here’s some answers, right?
What a perfect description of a toddler. My little guy is 3, and still driving me crazy!! But he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen (ok, he’s tied for beauy with his big sister, who is 6 and driving me crazy at this very minute).
Noelle´s last blog ..An Afternoon of ‘Culture’ at the Nutcracker
Hang onto that Lunch Together concept. My teen and I go out for lunch now and then and I treasure those moments.
Daisy´s last blog ..Welcome to the world, baby girl!
Aww. These years are so precious and fleeting. I will miss them someday, I know that. Yet it’s so hard not to wish them away sometimes. Nicely put.
Kimberly´s last blog ..A Thanksgiving Story . . . more than a week later
Moments like that last one you wrote about bring tears to my eyes because I know these days are going by so quickly…even though I know the years ahead are special too.
Heather´s last blog ..Have You Seen a More Handsome Boy? Doubt it!
Beautiful.
I’m starting to wonder how many times I can come here and write that same word? It’s starting to get old, I fear.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re in that perfect place for adding items to your Love List and paying close attention to it as you travel through your days. Just being aware is most of the battle, I think.
Kristin T. (@kt_writes)´s last blog ..You are a type. Cringe and embrace it.
I really loved this one. But I have to ask, how did we write almost the same post from halfway across the country and six years of distance between the kids?
Hollee´s last blog ..Boys in the Age of Innocence
Long time reader, I love you.
You help me try to hold on to my boy’s 5 month oldness. I want to hold him, kiss him and enjoy him all freaking day. Then my four year old says “Mommy come here” Can we stop time? I love her but….the “babyness” is so fleeting. I need to hold onto it.
Oh my God.
Boys are great.
Boys are awful.
Know what I mean?
Hello. Can totally relate to this post…not the working for a parenting web site, yadda, yadda, yadda, but with the toddler thing. Jonathan was so similar at that age and I have to say he’s a bit worse at 3. But then, he makes my heart swell and it doesn’t seem so bad at all. Loved this post.
This is so beautifully written and close to my heart. I feel like you have summed up so eloquently what I feel when I watch my daughter play or eat or sleep or do just about anything.
Zahra´s last blog ..Say “Bye-Bye”, the Saga Continues
Do I ever hear this — they need to every now and then stop doing what we HAVE to do and just enjoy the kids.
Emily R´s last blog ..My bed is in a small town
Oh, *SNIFF.*