I am so sick of my clothes.
No, seriously, my clothes can suck it. It’s spring here on the prairie and my wardrobe is in transition and I FUCKING HATE IT.
Did you get that?
I put on three outfits this morning: One made me look like the mascot for the Syracuse University Orange, one showed my kangaroo pouch midriff, and the one I settled on is a dreadful combination of too-big and -too-small. And don’t tell me to go shopping. I somehow lost my sense of personal flair.
It may be under the couch cushions with 1,000 Cheerios and an old sippy cup full of moldy juice. But I’m not looking under there, I’m too scared.
A lot of it has to do with the changes in my body. I’m in denial about the whole “two kids and an advanced age two years shy of 40″ thing. If I don’t look in the mirror, I’m good. If I don’t look in the mirror, I still have the effortless, bikini-ready body I was blessed with for 30 years.
Welcome to Body Dysmorphic Monday! Come on in! Share your unhealthy obsession with your ass! We’re here to listen.
ANYWHO.
So y’know what felt good? Blogging. Yeah, writing something without outside editorial direction or comment — or worrying about its SEO content — felt really fucking good. Not that I’m writing all that much anymore over at my paid gig. I’m not complaining — getting paid to obsessively check Facebook is a good gig if you can get it. And PS, if you aren’t already, become a fan or like it or whatever the fuck Facebook is calling it these days, will you?
*bats eyelashes*
But I miss writing. What I really miss, to be honest, is the sense that no one is reading what I’m writing. I know! Totally fucking crazy, right? I spend five years blogging in obscurity, begging for money and recognition, and now I’m all,”Boo hoo, I want to write essays about motherhood that no one gives a shit about, booooooo hoooooooo!”
Hi, my name is Amy and I am absofuckinglutely nuts.
*waves and smiles*
Then there’s this guy:
Too cute, right?
Yes, and he is very lucky because that face saved his life this weekend. He’s cutting molars and generally filled to the brim with hot piss and vinegar, besides. He wakes up screaming to go “OUSSSSSSSIDE MAMA” and I’m sorry, I am not going to hang out in a thunderstorm with sidewalk chalk because Mr. Naughty Noonoo can’t bear to play with the mountain of toys in the house.
Me = bad mom.
Me = inside girl.
But hey. I took a shower this morning, FTW! I am at the coffee shop for the next hour and 30 minutes and I am getting paid to write goofy shit on Twitter. You can’t really beat that.
What’s happening, my peeps? I’ve missed you.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, honey, I don’t care the outfit or the season, you’re gorgeous.
Amanda´s last blog ..Pfffftwords
Missed you too Mrs C! So glad you see you blogging again!
The kids are growing up so FAST omg! I can’t believe how big the Babyman is already… it’s like just yesterday I started reading this blog and the Poo was that size… O.o Stop the world, I wanna get off…
As for body-dismorphia I try to pretend all the flab around my tummy and my paradoxically giant yet flat ass don’t exist. If I catch sight of myself in the mirror, all I do is breathe, count to 10 and revisit last week’s episode of Doctor Who (hey, a happy place is a happy place).
Much love and OODLES of happiness to see you back in the blogging saddle,
Saeth
Kirsten´s last blog ..It’ll have to do until Autumn…
Lovin’ your blog these days. (Really loved the post called “Mama,” *sob*.) You have been missed for sure! I wish I had more time to write stupid shit on Twitter, Facebook, and blog. Your gig sounds great! However, I am reading this while I’m supposed to be working, so there’s that, right?
Grateful Twin Mom´s last blog ..Let’s Pretend…….Words Heard from the Playdate
Love, love, love every time you have a new post!
As for the body dismorphia I am in denial about my stomach post-c-section. I now understand why men wear their pants so low…my keep sliding down to my bikini line and settling right over my incision site allowing not only the “muffin top” but my whole flabby stomach to lap over the top of my pants. Lovely.
I’m still reading.
And still loving your blog, even though I’m mostly a dirty lurker. Cannot freakin’ believe how big your “baby” is getting!
Wow! He’s gotten so big! We’ve missed you. Welcome back, whatever you’re wearing.
Amy Jo´s last blog ..Cookies and Brides and Prom Dresses, Oh My!
I just wrote a body dysmorphic post, too! Of course, not as well as you and not using those words, but still…
Nice to read you again, you busy woman!
pgoodness´s last blog ..Her
I definitely have BDD because I swear I am thin and cute, but apparently I’m really NOT.
Kids’ cuteness have saved their lives many times around here.
Heather´s last blog ..Moving On and In and On
What’s happening? I’m still here. Still working. Still slogging away, in the fruitless pursuit of keeping our head above water – much like every other family I guess.
Started a lifestream – jonbeckett.com – other than that, not much to tell. Doing insane amounts of overtime, which has brought to mind Bjorn Ulvaeus’ comments in an interview about touring with ABBA – “it kills creativity in a way I don’t like”.
My style is hiding out with my old body– both are too traumatized by carrying and birthing my little wonderchunk to come out and play. ::sigh::
Damn. I’m glad I’m not the only one with moldy juice cups around my house!
My first visit to this site and I am laughing my ass off!! You rock! I have been feeling the same way lately. I swear I used to be stylish and know how to put together outfits now by the time I finally get an outfit together I am a sweaty mess from all the effort and still not sure if I like the way it looks:( Looking forward to reading more posts!
oh yeah and moldy juice cups are sour chocolate milk cups in my case which is NASTY!
Whenever I study a topic I have no idea what i will find. I am so thrilled to have discovered your complete writing because it flawlessly covers the questions I have under consideration and also the unspoken concerns that i would’ve looked for later.