In my last post I alluded to appearing on television in a big city, and yes, it’s true — I drove up to Chicago last Saturday night in order to be on Fox News “Fox & Friends” early Sunday morning.
Before you roll your eyes, this really isn’t a “Look at me, look at me I’m so famoooooooooooous!” post. It was just such a weird experience. And so bloggable!
I’m not a Fox watcher — I KNOW, total shocker, right? — and I spent the morning of my appearance tuned in to see what I was in for. The stories I caught in between doing my hair and make-up (which, of course, the studio make-up artist re-did, after laughing when I told her I’d done it already) were … interesting.
DEMOCRATS SUPPORT TEA PARTY! DEMOCRATS SIPHONING VOTES! DEMOCRATS HAVE SEX WITH SATAN AND THEN DANCE NAKED IN THE STREET WITH SMALL CHILDREN!
Or something like that.
But I was confident. I was taking the conservative stance here. Fox News was clearly On My Side.
Let’s back up for a minute. Why was little old Mrs. Chicken on Fox News, anyway? Well, I wrote an op-ed piece about letting your kid get bullied. Or, really, I wrote an essay about teaching your children to solve conflicts on their own. If you’re so inclined, you can read it here.
But what landed me on the news was the killer headline.
I got an email through circuitous channels from a Fox & Friends producer, who told me my perspective was “refreshing” and “unique” and would I want to appear that weekend on her show?
Thinking I was about to get a free trip to New York City, I agreed. Instead, they sent to Chicago and they made me drive me own car, the jerks.
No, seriously, they were very nice. I stayed in a super-cute hotel and ate a bag of mini-bar potato chips and drank a $14 of carbonated water in a king-size bed while surfing the Interwebz and watching “Law & Order: SVU.”
Which, if you are a parent, is an orgy of pleasure.
So I get up and I walk over to the studio with my little pink sweater on and they put me in a dark studio with a camera guy and one of those thingies (that’s the technical term, by the way) in my ear and then they roll the promo:
MOM SPARKS NATIONAL DEBATE WHEN SHE LETS HER CHILD BE BULLIED!
Ummmmm… wha?
Then the anchor started lambasting me for my hands-off approach. Didn’t I let it go too far? After all, I let my child BE ASSAULTED.
Yes, that’s right. The other kindergartner involved carved a shiv out of a Dixie cup at snack time and cornered my kid at the monkey bars.
The other mom they asked to appear made some remarks about never letting bullying go and maybe I should have gotten involved a littler sooner and then I was all, LET ME BE CLEAR YOU BEEYATCHES …
Or something like that. Whatever, you can watch it for yourselves:
OMG, the headline on this piece. And, WTF did they do to my lips? I look like I ate a blowfish.
It was a pretty quick segment, about two minutes, and when I pulled the thingie out of my ear, I took a deep, cleansing breath and looked at the camera guy, who gave me a sympathetic smile.
But, people, the irony! It was delicious!
I got bullied by a blonde bimbo news anchor who is paid by one of the largest purveyors of hate and bigotry IN THE FREE WORLD for letting my kid get bullied.
I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t fun. After the whole Dr. Phil thing, I was all, “Oh, this is a total fluke, I just got lucky.”
But this is the second time that a major media outlet has noticed something I wrote. I won’t say it isn’t a powerful trip. It feels good.
I like it.
That said, I know who I am and I know what usually happens when I’m riding high. Usually, karma delivers a swift kick to my balls and I get knocked out.
So I just keep repeating our family motto and hoping the tide keeps rolling my way.
What’s our motto? Simple.
Don’t fuck up.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I am glad you got some exposure and I am glad you did not let Fox News(wait, isn’t that an oxymoron?) bully you too much. Once again,I believe you are right; we do our children a disservice if we tell them they are incompetent and they need a parent to take care of everything for them. That said, I hope karma does not have anything else nasty in store for you; you deserve some happiness.
The interesting part of this whole bullying discussion is that YOU were supposed to intervene and YOU were supposed to make the environment safe and YOU were supposed to hold the bully accountable.
What happened to raising kids right in the first place? Why do WE as parents of the bullied kid have to make it right? Why do WE have to take away any empowerment our kids exhibit and force the teacher to listen to what our kid is saying? Why do WE have to call/email the teacher/school and tell them in our grown up voice what our kid has already told them and they ignored?
You did what was best for your child. Yet YOU didn’t do it right, according to them. Their perfect, YOU’RE not so they have the right to tell you this.
I’m tired of the people who think WE need to stop the bullying instead of going to the source. Bullies often have parents who are bullies. And just like their kids who lie to the teacher and are sociopathic, the parents somehow turn it on you for picking on their child.
You were awesome! Your facial expressions were so even. If it were me, you’d know I was thinking ‘what a bunch of nut bars!’.
Sara at Saving For Someday´s last blog ..Children’s Books Will Take Over Your House and Deplete Your Wallet
My kids, perhaps reacting to the presence of Fox programming in our home, went nuts just after I started playing the clip, so I was distracted when I viewed it. That said, didn’t the “opposing view” mom say you should have gotten involved earlier in order to protect the other child from being allowed to bully, i.e. you were berated for not raising someone else’s kid correctly?! I’m all for intervention and meaningful accountability, but I thought that line of “bad mother!” foolishness was beyond ridiculous.
Wow, it looks like you were really kind of taken off guard with the questions and the fact that it was a “debate”? Seems like they were trying to make you look bad.
And the crazy part is they don’t even know you or your daughter. From everything you’ve said here you were involved enough to know what was going on and did step in appropriately.
I can relate in some ways… I was the victim of this “fickle friendship” when I was in elementary school. In a lot of ways it really sucked to be the “outsider” and I think that does shape who you are in the long run. I have some personal insecurities. But I honestly don’t think that there was anything my mother could have done about it. Talking to the other girls moms most likely would have made it worse not better.
Yet in other ways it made me stronger. Sure, it might have been nice to be “popular” and looked up to, but actually being the outsider meant I could do whatever I wanted. There was no pressure to be thin or wear the right clothing or hang out with the “cool kids” so I was never really tempted to do anything that would have been really damaging to me long term.
Kudos to you for talking your daughter through all of this. That’s what she will remember.
And shame on that anchor for making you out to be the bad guy, she was horrid!
I think they messed with the other lady’s lips too…
And, I think you are right – you already knew that, though. But, what I see in working in schools is that bullying is never as simple as it is made out to be in the news. There are so many layers and one of those layers is sometimes that kids are overly sensitive and don’t know how to deal with mean people and keep their sense of self. And depending on the severity of the situation, sometimes, even in a middle school, my “counseling” is helping kids to see that they don’t have to let mean people bring them down and that there are things that they can do to help themselves. Being resilient to mean people/kids is sometimes about believing in yourself and who you are. Even as adults, this is a good lesson and one that is so much easier if you start learning it early.
Are there times when parents/teachers/counselors should step in? Sure, but I think you made that clear as well.
Nice job!
inthefastlane´s last blog ..The Happy Birthday Deer
I thought you did a great job, staying even in the face of FOX and your message was a good one in spite of her skewed lead in for you.
Would just like to add – the majority of educated people on this side of the planet see Fox as a joke – and an unashamed mouthpiece of a political party.
The really tragic thing is that so many people take notice of these news sources, and that the media hang so much on scandalous headlines.
Jonathan´s last blog ..The Irish Pub Formulation
I can’t believe the comments over at ParentDish. You have way thicker skin than I could ever dream of having.
I’m off to watch the video clip, but I can already tell you that I think they are jackholes.
marty´s last blog ..Day 1 – Something I hate about myself – 30 Days of Truth
Bwahahaha. Did she READ your post?
Life threatening bullying. Snicker.
You bully empowerer, you.
marty´s last blog ..Day 1 – Something I hate about myself – 30 Days of Truth
Beyotches, indeed. Interrupters, too! You were awesome.
KDF´s last blog ..Time to Wake Up
Good job! I don’t think either one of them read your piece. And, no, considering the source of your interview, that doesn’t surprise me in the least.
The Casual Perfectionist´s last blog ..A Halloween Costume fit for an Everyday Princess
I applaud you for the way you let your girl handle her own battles. It certainly doesn’t get easier as they get older to learn how to handle themselves – and when it’s appropriate to involve parents/teachers – when we freak out and get involved at every level, every time.
I know those kids, and I know their parents – the ones that rescue their kids from all of life’s hardships – and those kids tend to be so insecure and not ready for life. They are demanding, because mama has never let them handle a thing.
Anyway, I thought you were fabulous, and I think you are raising a confident, strong daughter that will learn to deal with mean girls. AND you are equipping her with the ability recognize when something is really wrong, to come to you because you have her back. ox
lisa milton´s last blog ..Thankful- Day one
Clearly you lost the ‘debate’ simply due to the size of Esther’s earrings. (Your studio-provided lip gloss and her earrings should go out on the town!)
Ver well said, and I admire your poise in such a clearly skewed setting (and I am speaking as a staunch conservative, Fox supporting mom).
Their approach was embarassing to watch…and encouraging helicopter parents everywhere. Yikes!
Thanks for being willing to speak out, I haven’t read your blog before but will be again!
Okay now, I’ve read the post over there as well.
For what it’s worth? I’m with you. Completely. If we step in now, at our kids young ages and fix it and save them every time? How will they ever learn to deal with it themselves?
And sadly, at some point, we all have to learn to have a bit of thicker skin. Which sucks. I don’t want that for my kids and I know you don’t either. I have a hard time with it, honestly. But I know it’s a part of life.
You stepped in when it resorted to violence. Which is what we all should do.
Issa´s last blog ..Day 5- Something you hope to do in your life
You did great and I totally agree with you…I have 5 children and unless the situation is unbearable, or escalating out of control, they MUST try to fix it first…themselves. They have to learn some tools to do that! I think parents today try way too hard to create a perfect world for their child, with everything coming up rainbows and flowers. It’s tought out there! And we aren’t always going to be there!
Sarah´s last blog ..A Hilarious Video- An Incredible Story- and Pure Inspiration
This is my first time reading you – I came over via Motherhood Uncensored, and for what it’s worth, I agree with you.
When we micromanage our kids’ lives, we teach them that they aren’t competent to deal with their own problems. This behavior leads directly to the sort of college students who bring their mothers in to dispute their grades with their professors (true story – a friend of mine teaches at LSU and it happened there).
It sounds like you’re working hard to raise a young woman who can handle her own problems. You’re not the only one. It’s not like you let her get physically assaulted every day of Kindergarten! But teasing and being left out? Kids can deal with that – they HAVE TO LEARN to deal with that, or they become stunted adults.
Good work, Mama.
Amy´s last blog ..There are some things up with which I will not put
OK – I poured a VERY large glass of wine and watched this last night. And yes – it was very obvious that they hadn’t read your piece but that was no surprise to me. I cracked up at your expression because while you looked a bit taken aback at first, you had this bemused look on your face like “Why am I wasting my time with these idiots?” and that was awesome. Clearly, anything bad that ever happens to your child is your fault for not being a good enough mother and protecting your child enough. Isn’t that always what that powerful force of collective mommy guilt that women get spoon fed all the time tells us women?
I was bullied horribly in middle school and it was very scarring. But the times that I rose above it were when my parents helped me to stand up for myself. It wasn’t easy but it was empowering. And when I couldn’t stand up for myself anymore (for example – when I had actual teachers bullying me), they stepped in. That’s the message I got from the column you wrote. You can’t protect your kids from everything so you save that protecting for the times they really need it.
Kristina´s last blog ..Maple-Glazed Ribs & How They Made Me Believe in Oven-baked Ribs Again
I like Blondies last jab.
“Character building…however small”
OBVIOUSLY instilling confidence in a five year old GIRL to deal with a lifetime of mean girls and their unavoidable rejection, is so SLIGHT!
Grrr.
Good job knowing yourself and knowing your daughter well enough to take this all in stride and appreciate the goodness in it as well. Kudos.
Jenny´s last blog ..Getting started to get started
a) You looked beautiful and you sounded smart. I’m sure that was baffling to the anchor.
b) The other woman on the clip was clearly on board with the let’s-watch-the-mommies-duke-it-out agenda. So sad for her that you didn’t want to fight.
c) People hear the word “bullying” and automatically jump to the conclusion that it is a severe and evil matter that will inevitably end in physical harm or death. The fact is, little kids are mean to each other, and they need to learn how to work some of that out. We should let them do so when it can be character-building instead of harmful.
d) You’re brave. I hope Oprah calls you next.
Country-Fried Mama´s last blog ..A last-minute write-in campaign for the governorship of Alabama
My daughter was bullied by a group of boys. I did step in & stay active, but that was after the first year of it going on. The 2nd year, got physical and my daughter alone was unable to stop it. She did have to stay in touch with the noon-aids, the teachers & even the principal. We got really lucky, the boy that ran the group picking on her got sent to a special school for troubled boys for 6th grade. Her troubles went away & the entire experience made her a bit stronger.
Parents need to know when to step in, however they also need to teach there kids the proper ways of handling it as well. I can’t watch your piece right now, but I plan to later. I can’t wait to see how fox handled it. Too funny, they are like the biggest bullies on tv! Good for you on having the guts to go on tv & defend your feelings.
Even though I do think parents need to step in on the bullying subject because it gets worse now with the internet, etc. I applaud you standing up for parents teaching there kids how to handle things. I really worry about the next generation in the work force. All I see our parents doing everything for their kids, and teaching them nothing but how to ask.
Ginny´s last blog ..I voted- did you
I remember talking to you about this at breakfast that last day in Nashville and how torn you were about what you should do. I think that you did the right thing and it totally sucks that the anchor at FOX seemed to think it was okay to bully you.
Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Flashback Friday-Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter Edition
Gosh you did a good job, especially since you were essentially ambushed. I would have probably thrown a hissy fit right there on the air.
Kimberly´s last blog ..For my dad- my veteran For all veterans
ver niiiiccee fox news. damn girl, they just jumped you!!
i am going through a similar thing where my son is getting a bullied in school by another little boy. he hit him a few times and knocked down some of his block buildings. because the teachers get involved i haven’t – but maybe i am being too naive??
the fact that your daughter can talk to you speaks volumes about who you are as a mother. i hope i can give my son the same support you gave your daughter.
btw i have never watched fox news and now i never will again – honestly, they call themselves NEWS??? jeesh.
My life took on an extraordinary erotic tempo from when I decided to shop at the store which is the sex shop . Now I am a completely different man who is not afraid to challenge and I’m much more otarty to new knowledge.