To The Urbana Free Library:
Why, for the love of Pete, do you persist in re-shelving DVDs that are scratched beyond all salvation?
We checked out three of your children’s DVDs this week, and not one, not two, BUT ALL THREE DVDS COULD NOT BE PLAYED.
Do you know what it sounds like when a sick, tired and [...]

Just a note to you all out there who encounter a large pregnant woman in the hot dog aisle of the grocery store
Do NOT tell her, “You look great!”
She knows that is code for, “Holy shit, lady, should you really be waddling down the hot dog aisle? Because you are fucking HUGE!”
Seriously. Never in my [...]

There are so many indignities associated with pregnancy - being forced to spread your legs every month for nine months, culminating in the loss of all modesty when it comes time to give birth; the inability to tie one’s own shoes; public random gagging.
Oh, the list goes on and on.
But the final blow to your [...]

Yesterday was so promising.
My hair looked good (thanks, guys, for all your sweet compliments - and I actually kinda like my new style). I wore make-up (!). I made dinner and even remembered to keep it Lenten. The Poo asked for pancakes instead of her customary waffles - we had breakfast for dinner - and [...]

So. Here it is.

Contemplating North Dakota.

My appetite is all screwed up. I want to eat anything and everything, and then I want to throw it up.
Occasionally I do, like yesterday when I tossed my cookies all over the doormat after the highly vigorous activity of getting the mail.
I feel like I’m not getting any actual nutrition (*cough cough potato chips [...]

Hear ye, hear ye!
Women who are currently queasy, may have previously been queasy, or are actively avoiding vomiting do not, I repeat do not, want to engage in consensual sexual activity of any sort.
This announcement may also apply to any woman who is currently A) just off her period; B) on her period, or C) [...]

Men are pussies.
You heard me. Pussies.
Remember how The Poo and I had the plague for a month?
Remember when I was getting ready to haul shit across two time zones, five states and 1,400 miles in all of six days?
Remember when I was still sick after we got home?
Remember when I found out I am pregnant?
All [...]

My husband has the plague.
The same plague that, er, plagued The Poo and I for the past 12 days. She and I are just about at the tail end of it, but folks, I gotta tell ya, it is still kicking my ass.
By 5 p.m. I’m ready for a hot toddy and my cool sheets.
So, [...]

My Google Reader tried to kill me in my sleep last night.
My eyes are blurred and my head is buzzing and Thursday I have to be the “B” parent at preschool (B stands for bathroom and people, we’re talkin’ two-year-olds here, 12 of ‘em) and I am on deadline … crap. I mean, I just [...]