From the category archives:

good grief

Different

September 2, 2009

I really didn’t expect the fifth anniversary of my father’s death to hit me as hard as it did.
Granted, I’m a little vulnerable at the moment, but generally speaking, the grief I feel over the loss of him has changed drastically since that first, unbearable year of mourning. It’s lost the sharp edges, worn down [...]

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Five

August 26, 2009

Today is the fifth anniversary of my father’s death.
Every year, this day comes—and every year I am surprised by its power. This morning was like any other weekday in our house: The Poo woke up and came for a cuddle, The Babyman threw his banana on the floor and laughed like a deranged monkey.
My husband [...]

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Captain’s Log: Day One

July 11, 2009

The Babyman is as good a traveler as anyone else in my family.
Which is to say, HE TOTALLY SUCKS AT IT.
This morning at 8:37 we left Rochester for our perch here on an 80-foot sand dune near the edge of the eastern United States. The Babyman commenced crying at 8:39 and continued uninterrupted for NEARLY [...]

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Father’s Day

June 21, 2009

“I don’t remember my first Father’s Day,” my husband says. Our children play and shriek at his feet. He looks at me over the head of our oldest, our daughter, with a half-smile on his face.
I look at him for a minute, then I remember. “We went to the cemetery,” I say. “With my mom. [...]

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When Mourning Comes

April 20, 2009

Sundays were always the hardest day.
Sunday was the day we used to spend with my parents, lazing around their big house on the water, reading the New York Times and eating the fresh-baked treats my mom always had waiting for us. Or we’d run errands with them, making fun of them and lobbying to be [...]

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The Garden Path

April 9, 2009

It’s late.
I want to sleep, but my restless mind won’t allow it. I keep checking on my children. I can’t stop thinking about a woman I’ve never met, all the way across the country. How yesterday her baby was sick.
And today, her baby is gone.
I can’t explain this feeling. I don’t want to be a [...]

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As If It Was The Last

March 24, 2009

My mother’s dog is sick, maybe very sick.
I called my mom yesterday, to ask her a silly question about my stove. Really, it was an excuse to hear her voice. I knew right away that something was wrong.
She told me about the dog’s sudden illness and the vague assessment offered by the vet. Her voice [...]

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The Good Girl

February 16, 2009

Sometimes it happens like this; a small series of events lead to a memory, and then his face is before me, healthy and full, eyes dancing with mischief.
Just as quickly, his visage shrinks, pulls inward, cheeks sucking in and eyes getting larger and larger, until that blank, brown wide stare is eating me up. The [...]

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Sea Legs

October 13, 2008

He is at the helm, I stand next to him in the well between the cabin and the captain’s chair. He is laughing, sunglasses glinting in the copper-penny sunlight of a late afternoon.
I am bending my knees to catch the bounce as we fly over the water.
“The lake is like glass tonight!” he yells, into [...]

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The Dying Season

August 26, 2008

Not too long ago, we bathed The Poo while chatting about all the people who love her.
We listed off all her grandparents, and then spent time explaining how we, her parents, were also children.
“Your grandma and grandpa are my mommy and daddy,” Mr. Chicken told her, as he sluiced shampoo from her hair using a [...]

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