It’s hard, this wanting.
I see so much that I want, mostly for my children. I want dance lessons and peaceful playrooms and private-school educations.
I want, I want.
Today, our grocery bill was $221.63. I shopped for only what we needed, and I bought barely any produce. I used coupons, but diapers, cleaning products and formula are [...]

I admit to checking sitemeter as often the next blogger. I’m not ususally one to write about the results, but this begs to be told.
Recently, some poor soul landed at my blog by googling this phrase:
“i totally fucked up my life”
That kind of sums it up, doesn’t it?

Yesterday was a bad day, yo.
I didn’t get a shower and I freaked out because the baby slept too much (I know, someone, please give me a Valium), and the only clean underpants I had were those huge, stretchy ones that reach my ribcage and dude, I was not in the MOOD for those panties.
Can [...]

Shaggy and I spent an unusually contented two hours alone together Saturday evening, while Mr. C and The Poo went to Mass.
Normally we go to church, as well, but the boy had a string of bad days and even worse nights. He was finally asleep when it was time to leave for Saturday evening vigil, [...]

She’s fine, now.
She’s going to be fine.
I didn’t know that 24 hours ago.
***
Her fever broke in the car, at 5:45 a.m., a half-hour after I woke her father with a frantic whisper.
The small girl in the pink nightie printed with ballerina slippers chattered away, innocent of the knowledge that we headed were toward the hospital.
“Look, [...]

I’m looking through catalogs, glossy pages filled with pretty objects and prettier people. The women are thin and shining, the men rugged and wry.
The kitchens are clean and white and laden with bright green Dutch ovens. I imagine perfectly done roasts and gourmet soups inside their smooth ceramic interiors. I can smell the aroma of [...]

My fridge is so dirty that every time I open it, I die a little inside.
No, really, it’s that dirty.
Drips of brown mystery liquid dot the bottom lip, containers of 10-day-old Thai food litter the shelves, and there are about 30 half-full strawberry yogurt containers holding the rejected strawberries that I have to scoop out [...]

I hadn’t realized just how stressed out I was until I went to the OB this morning for my 12-week appointment.
Mr. C came home from physical therapy early enough to tag along, and I was grateful for his company. I don’t know my midwife very well, and as wonderful as she is, it was nice [...]

Long stretches of domestic tranquility, broken by periods of discontent; this is the pattern.
Warm and cozy mornings mixed with querulous afternoons, marked by burnt cookies and temper tantrums. The dirty toilets and sweatpants mingle to create the lingering, pungent aroma of a post-Betty Friedan search for creative and personal fulfillment.
The minivan in the garage carries [...]

She cried out in her sleep last night.
I waited, held my breath.
Silence.
She cried out again. No, no I don’t want to!
She didn’t wake me. I was staring at the ceiling berating myself when her voice split the silence. I waited a few more seconds, to see if the child would settle.
She didn’t.
I padded to the [...]