Still Here

September 24, 2011

I’m still feeling disgruntled.
That’s a good word, yes? It straddles the line between cheerful irritation and honest upset. Disgruntled. The guy who goes postal is disgruntled. So is the lady at the deli counter who wants the low-sodium sliced turkey that happens to be sold out.
I’m trying very hard to be present around my kids, [...]

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Complications

September 16, 2011

When she wants to teach me a lesson or when she’s had maybe a little bit too much of my bullshit, she speaks in parables. She sasses me, tweaks me until I’m squirming and I admit that maybe, yes, OK, I’m being too (fill-in-the-blank) about the situation.
But this week, when I told her about the pit inside [...]

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One Nation

Thumbnail image for One Nation September 12, 2011

We put our flag out yesterday.
The kids went outside and danced around on the front porch while the mister got Old Glory secured in the holder. Both of them spontaneously burst into the Pledge of Allegiance.
Tears prickled behind my eyes; I have many, many deep-seated misgivings about the path our country seems to be on, [...]

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The Big Show

September 10, 2011

Envy tastes like copper pennies.
I know because I seem to have swallowed a mouthful of them. Each time I think I’ve washed the aftertaste away with my own hard work it comes bubbling up again, like a particularly stubborn case of reflux.
I’m not proud of it; long ago I cut off the water supply to [...]

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Cracks

August 23, 2011

It rained today, finally, and I got caught in the downpour on the way home from the dentist.
Adding insult to injury, I had three fillings this afternoon to go along with the holes in my belly. I’m like a car that is just a few miles past its warranty: I’m breaking down.
But back to the [...]

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Little Miss Sunshine and Shitty First Drafts

August 21, 2011

I’m sick of the sun.
I want woolly tights and fisherman sweaters. I want jeans and boots and fingerless gloves. I want to see my breath when I inhale, exhale, inhale again.
It is six years next week that I’ve lived on the prairie and the summer never ceases to annoy me. There are no trees in [...]

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Fresh Scars

August 20, 2011

Oh, but we were a surly bunch today.
All of us came out of the gate spoiling for a fight, fingers curled into fists and scowls on our faces. I’m wounded, after a minor surgical procedure that my doctor breezily promised me would only take “a day or two” from which to recover, but alas, more [...]

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Yes, This

August 13, 2011

In my attempt to find the Emersonian thread of the universal in my story, I laid myself bare in the most unflattering light.
I understand the world only by my attempts to shape my experience on the page. Then, and only then, do I know what I think, feel, believe. Without these attempts (the word essay [...]

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Best Friends

August 10, 2011

Mom, when I see him at school during the day, I give him a kiss so he doesn’t wander into my classroom looking for me. Also, because I love him.

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Bare

August 8, 2011

I’m furious.
I had a doctor’s appointment today, a dermatologist, to be precise. I expected to see the doctor, but when I arrived I was told I’d be seeing the PA today.
I have nothing against PAs. I saw one earlier today, as well, and she was perfectly lovely.
The second one was not.
My hair is coming out [...]

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